If you wanted / thought you were having a girl but ended up with a boy...

[GreenAndLeafy]

...how did you feel? Did it work out ok?

I’m due a baby boy in December. It’s my first pregnancy. I always knew that I had a preference for a girl, but I didn’t know how much so until we found out through the Harmony test that we’re having a boy.

I’m trying really hard to get my head around it, but I’ve realised that all of the daydreams that I’ve ever had about being a mum have been with a girl. I know on an intellectual level that I’m probably just making tonnes of assumptions about gender and what girls and boys do differently, but that doesn’t stop that huge fear that I’m now feeling that I’m going to be a terrible mum and not be able to bond with or enjoy our child. I feel sad about all the things I won’t be able to now share with the daughter I wanted (horrible pregnancy - I likely won’t have another one).

It may be relevant that I have no male cousins / siblings and a distant relationship with my father. I also have a chronic health condition that means I’m always tired and am terrified by the stock “oh, boys have so much more energy / are more hard work” comments that you always hear.

I’ve NC’d for this as I have a feeling lots of people will be along to tell me that I’m terrible and should just be happy I’m pregnant. I am happy, just also a little sad and nervous. I REALLY want for it to all work out.

I was convinced my son was going to be a girl. It made no difference to how I felt about him though when he actually arrived. He was an adorable easy going child, and is now a lovely 18 year old.

You're so lucky! You'll be fine. All children are different, whether girls or boys.

I have one of each. With each pregnancy I was convinced I was having the opposite sex!
They are both great and no problems bonding. My ds was by far the easier and more cuddly baby/ toddler.
You will be fine.

I was exactly the same as you OP, my siblings are all sisters, cousins are all girls. Used to be a brownie leader.

I was so, confused, when I found out DS was a boy. I think I even posted a thread on it.

But now he is 2.5 abd the absolute best. I wouldn’t change him for all the tea in China. You just need time to adjust mentally.

I was convinced my son was a girl throughout the whole pregnancy, and didn't find out til the birth, was a huge shock but he's totally awesome and yeah he has lots of energy (he's nearly 2), but lots of girls do too.
Boys are ace, super cuddly and hilarious. I would have another one tomorrow if I could guarantee another boy.

I really imagined I’d have a boy as my first, for literally my entire adult life. I even brought boys clothes once we started TTC. I had a girl. I accepted it a few weeks after I found out, I can’t even think about what I used to imagine now because she fills that space.

I think logically I didn’t like the drama of being a girl/woman so wished my child to have the easier life (my biased perspective). I do sometimes buy clothes aimed at boys for her and “boys” toys so I’m hoping she’s keen to adventure and explore.

My point is, you will love your child and there’s different benefits to having either sex of child. Plus little boys don’t go through the mum hating stage quite so much I hear! (I’m not keen)

I have four DS's....when I had my first, I felt similarly to you. Then when I was pregnant with my fourth, we both would have loved a girl.
DH took the news he was a boy harder than me actually!
Looking back now, I can't imagine my life without any of them and yes I would still love a little girl, but boys are awesome!
I'm sure once he is here you will feel exactly the same xx

I wanted a girl. With hindsight I think it’s because I know what it’s like to be a little girl, and I naively thought she would be a smaller version of me and I’d be able to relate. I love my little boy! Truthfully I think if I had a girl I would have thought of her as mini-me and projected all my issues onto her. I’m a much lazier mum than I thought I’d be and I’m glad I don’t have to style hair or faff around ironing dresses. Yes my son is energetic but I’m not convinced a girl would be any less so.

I have a similar family situation to you @GreenAndLeafy. We found out about 2 weeks ago that we're having a boy. I made myself imagine all the things that I'm likely to do with my son that I wouldn't have had with a daughter. I'm finding myself more and more happy with it. My DH will be an amazing father and nothing like my father so I'm happy that he's getting a son. Mum is excited as she never had a boy so it'll all be new to her in a way. It's ok to feel this way OP it doesn't mean you'll love him any less you just need time to adjust your expectations.

My sister in law had two boys (her husband had five brothers!) and she was told her third was a girl at 20 week scan. Being really into fashion she was thrilled bought tons of lovely girls clothes then of course she had another boy! She said she was just happy he was healthy but he did wear pink for the first three months!
But I do think it affected her as when I was pregnant and told her it was a boy she burst into tears! I did manage to have a girl next though.
You’ll love your son just as much.

I thought I preferred a girl and had I known in advance I would have felt like you do but I didnt know till he was here and I really couldn't have cared less when it happened.

You will be delighted with him and one day be surprised that you ever worried about this.

Baby boys are gorgeous! then they grow up

I was sure I was having a girl the first time. I grew up just me, DM and DSis. Several female cousins. Basically no boy experience, envisioned a daughter.

I absolutely love having a boy... in fact now I have two boys. Terrible sickness both times so very unlikely I'll ever have a daughter. Honestly boys are great, and it'll be your wonderful baby that you and your partner have made together either way.

Honestly, sex is irrelevant in the main.

I have an energetic, sporty, science loving child who is always on the go, always climbing, won’t sit still long enough to watch a film, that needed constant supervision for the first 3 years. Now an independent teen with own dislikes and likes, we have some stuff in common but not others.

I would describe her in exactly the same way had she been a boy. She is the same person, the same personality whether boy or girl, iyswim.

My other child is more daydreamy, more willing to please. Likes to play, everything from aeroplanes to dolls. More sociable, but more sensitive to playground issues.

A boy. But Would have been the same if he were a girl.

Dyswim? Many people attribute personality traits to gender, and that they like this or that because of it. I believe they’d be like that anyway. Maybe one side or the other would be emphasised if they were brought up around strict stereotypes, but let them enjoy everything and they’ll grow into themselves, not their “boy version” or “girl version”.

When I had my first child 19 years ago, I had lots of scans and they always told me it's a girl. We bought all pink clothes, painted the nursery pink, bought pink announcement cards, picked a pink name etc. Guess what........ I rock up at the labor ward with a bag full of pink babygros and...... he was a boy! Big shock!
He has been amazing. When you have the baby, you won't care whether it's a boy or a girl. Both have advantages and disadvantages and both are wonderful in their own ways.

I was convinced DC3 was a girl. So much so that I didn’t even take up the offer of finding out at any scans and only begrudgingly chose a boys name as I was waiting to go for the planned section.

It was a real shock when I heard the words “it’s a boy”. I know it shouldn’t have been but I really was not prepared that I could be wrong.

Of course all was good really quickly but I do regret giving any head space to the ‘not the girl I was expecting’ thoughts in those first few days and weeks. Because it didn’t matter at all.

Not quite the same situation .. actually the opposite. I desperately wanted a boy (and I actually did get a boy) but for ages everyone kept saying it would be a girl and when I went for the scan I was terrified I would burst into tears if they told me girl. I didn't actually have a reason why I preferred one sex over the over though.

I think it's normal to experience sex disappointment because you build it up in your head. You love whatever baby you get though, it's practically impossible not to.

All I ever wanted was 2 girls I just didn’t see myself with a boy
I ended up having a girl 4 boys and another girl
Both my girls are tomboys and couldn’t care less about anything girly
My boys are just as amazing as my girls-each one in their own way
Boys are amazing and if I could go back in time I’d tell me to get over myself and open my mind
One of them has just come out as gay-and the day he gets married to a husband I’ll be the proudest mummy of the groom you’ve ever seen
As soon as you see your little boy the feelings will go and you’ll be left holding your gorgeous little lad
hugs

Boys being more energetic is a load of rubbish. 3 of my friends have little boys slightly older than my DD and they are all lovely quiet, placid 1-2 year olds. Whereas my DD is practically bouncing off the walls, climbing furniture, constant bruises on her forehead and has been knocking other children over since she started crawling because she just does not watch where she's going . I can't put a dress on her because it gets in the way of her active play and she gets frustrated. She won't sit and cuddle for more than a min before she wants to be off again. And I wouldn't change her one bit. You never know how your child will be, they are their own little personality.

My first was a girl, so when I was pregnant with my second I hoped it would be another girl

I was heartbroken when I found out it was a boy.

But the moment he was born, and I held him, all fears were gone and I loved that little sod.

I had an instant bond with him compared to my daughter than took a few weeks

I’ve never felt a desire to have either sex so I can’t connect on that level, but I do have 2 lovely boys. They are loud and can be boisterous but they are sooo loving and cuddly too.
Sagittarius boys are usually really good fun.

I was certain I was having a girl. It was a shock to discover I was having a boy. I'm glad I found out early as I needed time to get my head around it. Mainly I wanted a daughter so I could do with her all the things I'd loved doing as a child but also give her all the chances I;'d never had. (If I'd had a girl she;d probably not have been at all interested in what I loved anyway!)

I am so so glad I had two boys in the end. I love having them and have had a more varied life than I would have done - lots of outdoors activities, frosty days on rugby pitch sidelines, camping, den building, building lego and Warhammer, reading Alex Rider etc. It's been such fun. They are both nearly grown up now and I am so grateful for them. Now I can't imagine having girls.

I thought I was having a girl then a boy came. I still took him to ballet classes 😂

Boys are generally harder when they're younger but this can vary a lot between children. My son (age 5) isn't particularly 'boisterous' or full of crazy amounts of energy.

I'd like to think the benefits also come later when you're not dealing with teenage girls.

All the cliches are just that, cliches. Every child is their own person and I'm sure you and your family will adore him. FWIW I was constantly asked (after 2 DDs) if I noticed a difference with DS. Well, when he was a baby the only time I noticed a difference was during nappy changes. As he gets older (he's 6) he can be energetic at times and he can play quietly for hours by himself. He loves art and reading. Just like my DDs he's his own person.

Oh god - you’ve all been so nice! Thank you so much!!! I’m going to come back to this and read it all every time I have a wobble.