If you wanted / thought you were having a girl but ended up with a boy...

[GreenAndLeafy]

...how did you feel? Did it work out ok?

I’m due a baby boy in December. It’s my first pregnancy. I always knew that I had a preference for a girl, but I didn’t know how much so until we found out through the Harmony test that we’re having a boy.

I’m trying really hard to get my head around it, but I’ve realised that all of the daydreams that I’ve ever had about being a mum have been with a girl. I know on an intellectual level that I’m probably just making tonnes of assumptions about gender and what girls and boys do differently, but that doesn’t stop that huge fear that I’m now feeling that I’m going to be a terrible mum and not be able to bond with or enjoy our child. I feel sad about all the things I won’t be able to now share with the daughter I wanted (horrible pregnancy - I likely won’t have another one).

It may be relevant that I have no male cousins / siblings and a distant relationship with my father. I also have a chronic health condition that means I’m always tired and am terrified by the stock “oh, boys have so much more energy / are more hard work” comments that you always hear.

I’ve NC’d for this as I have a feeling lots of people will be along to tell me that I’m terrible and should just be happy I’m pregnant. I am happy, just also a little sad and nervous. I REALLY want for it to all work out.

*Boys are generally harder when they're younger but this can vary a lot between children. My son (age 5) isn't particularly 'boisterous' or full of crazy amounts of energy.

I'd like to think the benefits also come later when you're not dealing with teenage girls*

Stereotyping still.

Teenage girls aren’t always a bitchy nightmare. There are as many “lazy boys” as there are energetic ones. It does make me laugh when people comment of small boys being so active, then see another one not walking at 1.5 and it’s all “boys are so lazy”.

Stereotypes tend to be self fulfilling. Boys “need to burn of energy” so are encouraged in active play while girls like playing quietly so are given crafts and colouring.

This is precisely why I deliberately did not find out the babies gender. I genuinely believe that when you get what you're given you're so thrilled you'd be cool with a kitten let alone a baby of whatever sex.

TSSDNCOP I’d LOVE a kitten! I keep telling DH that I’d be much happier going through this horrible pregnancy if I was getting a really cute puppy at the end of it...

Ouch, not sure I would want a kitten coming out of there! Granted they are much smaller but they have spiky little claws

I didn't have much of a preference with DC1, a little girl. Sadly our daughter died as a baby and with DC2 I was desperate for a girl since it had felt so right to have a girl first time around. I didn't find it what DC2 was so that I didn't have to deal with any more emotional things during pregnancy and I was disappointed when DC2 turned out to be a boy. It took about 5 months to feel that it was right that we had a boy and not feel jealous of people with little girls. Now I wouldn't change it for the world - it feels just right to have a wonderful little boy. I'm now pregnant with DC3 and we will find out what it is before birth this be time so I have time to get used to it before birth. I'm sure I'll grieve a bit for the daughter I'll never have if it's a boy (3 pregnancies are more than enough for me) but I don't have any doubts that I'll get used to it and love this new little person.

I have a DD and spent my whole pregnancy desperate for a girl and terrified that I wouldn't bond with a boy. 6 years later I got pregnant again and despite already having a girl, I was DESPERATE for that pregnancy to be another girl. Found out at 20 weeks he was a boy and definitely felt less bonded to that pregnancy and more distant from having a baby. He stopped moving at 31 weeks and had to be delivered and spent a month in NICU. I definitely found it harder to establish a bond because of the circumstances (regardless of his gender, I think I would have felt detached even if he was a girl) but at 2 weeks old I experienced the 'whoosh' of love and oh my, I wouldn't swap him for the world. I love him SO MUCH, I can't even comprehend how I thought I might not. He's absolutely my world (along with his sister) and actually, out of the two of them has definitely been the more affectionate and attached to me.
You will love him because he's yours and your relationship will grow and grow

I was told at my 20 weeks scan that my first baby was going to be a girl, but I ended up having a boy! We had chosen a girls name but struggled to choose a boys name at (relatively) short notice. We told people we were having a girl so got lots of pink stuff as gifts. We made our son wear them anyway! Babies don't care about colour

Like you, I'd always wanted a girl but I wasn't disappointed when I found out we had a boy. My only thought was that I hoped he was healthy. I think regardless of your baby's gender, your motherly instincts will kick in and you will want to do your best to nurture and protect them.

On a side note, I did have a girl 4 years after my son was born. This time they got the gender right at the 20 week scan!

OP I was the exact same as you. I was actually really gutted when I found out I was having a boy but I honestly can't explain how amazing it is. He is just the most amazing person in the world. I can't believe now that I wanted a girl. You will love having a boy I promise you.

I was desperate for a girl. We didn’t find out. Took one look at my precious boy and couldn’t imagine him being any different. He’s perfect and I don’t feel at all slighted. Next baby I genuinely have no preference now.

I was convinced I’d have a girl only as we could agree on a name boys were trickier. Now I have 2 boys and I wouldn’t change them for the world they are thoughtful, kind and generally awesome!

You'll be fine OP. I think it's probably very normal to have a preference while everything is theoretical. But no matter what you push out, when the time comes you'll only want THAT one!

I was secretly chuffed when my first child was a girl - but FWIW my son was definitely the more laid back, smiley, affectionate baby. I've totally adored him from day 1.

You'll forget soon I reckon once your baby comes along. I did feel sad when my second was a boy but now I could not imagine having a girl and not my little DS2. He's fab.

Boys are the best.
I have one sensitive, kind, artistic one, and one boistrous, shouty, friendly one.

I did have a little... grieve, I suppose... not for a baby girl, but for the experience of being a girls mum, I think I'd have been a good one and I'll never get to try it.

But you're give birth to a tiny individual. You will love him for everything he is and will be.

Only downside is boys clothes - they're generally pretty dire, but you'll probably save a fortune.

OP it is ok to feel like this. I personally did not care but I can understand getting a picture in your head and then changing.
I have a boy and yes, he has a lot of energy, but it is just a personality thing. He is also so caring, if he thinks I am sad he comes to give me a kiss and says "mummy don't worry"
I am sure this will be the same if he was a girl.
You get a combination of the child you raise and the genes that they come with.
You will love this baby, it might not happen as an immediate thing because that sometimes doesn't happen but that is ok too.

I had a boy first.
From the second I saw him I thought he was the best thing on earth. He is 5 now and still amazing to me. He is gentle, loves glitter and pink, hates football and only plays with girls.
Now I have 2 girls too. His little sisters are awesome too, but more physical and boisterous. I love them all to bits but if I could choose the sex next time I would pick a boy. Only because my boy has been easier so far.

I didn't want a boy at all. I found out at the 20 week scan that he was a boy and was quite frankly devastated.
I was dreading it and worried I wouldn't love him as much as my daughter.
As soon as he was born that all went away. I loved my baby from the moment he was laid on me. He wasn't a boy or a girl then, he was just my beautiful, perfect, precious child.
He's a strapping teenager now, taller than me and raising a son has been a wonderful thing.
Congratulations on your baby

Both my husband and I thought we wanted a girl. At the 20 week scan the umbilical cord was in the way so although they thought it was a boy they couldn’t say for sure. All the way up until the birth I was still hoping it was a girl. However as soon as my son was born I could’ve imagine having any other child but him. He is now 2.5 years old and is the cuddliest, sweetest, and funniest little chap and he lights up our lives everyday. I’m sure you will feel the same when the time comes too, but in the meantime it’s ok to ‘grieve’ for the life you imagined you’d have with a daughter. I will say we are struggling a bit to have #2 and if we are lucky enough to have a second I honestly wouldn’t care if it was a boy or girl. Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy, and good luck with the birth :)

And this is exactly why I don’t think its a good idea to find out before the baby is born. Now this has tainted the joy of your pregnancy ☹️
If you don’t know, then when the baby is born, whatever the gender, you will be thrilled and fall instantly in love.

Arse - I just lost a massive post about how amazing and beautiful and funny and perfect my little boy is. Ah well, you’d have just fallen asleep.

Mine was a physically exhausting toddler but has calmed right down as a 6 year old and loves drawing and writing. I have NEVER wished that he’d been a girl. He quite likes painting his nails and dancing but also loves football so ignore all gender generalisations. All he’ll need is your love. It’ll be great. X

I honestly think that once you have him and get to know him you'll wonder why on earth you were disappointed. My little boy is adorable, quirky, hilarious, affectionate, crazy and never ceases to amaze me. He often comes up and says "Let's have a snuggle mummy". Littke boys are such sweethearts. Let yourself feel how you feel but know your feelings will change once he's here.

I have a boy and a girl. Neither child is who I expected them to be, but they’re both wonderful. Whoever you’re child is, their gender is only part of it.

I really wanted a girl OP and I had one- I have one who is sooo full of energy, hates soft toys, hates dolls and is already fantastic at football.
Doesn’t matter what we expect they will be like they are individuals and our assumptions will always be wrong.
Congrats on the baby!

I have a boy. From the age of about 5/6 I only ever imagined having a girl. I was never going to have a boy. Until I did. He's now 5 and amazing!
I haven't noticed any huge difference in the energy levels of ds and his female friends tbh, small children tend to have super high energy levels!
At the end of the day you have the child you have, which is about so much more than his/her sex. For example in some ways ds is a stereotypical boy, he loves playing football, Pokemon, lego, superheroes, cars etc.
In other ways- his favourite toddler group was a dance one and he now goes to theatre school and pretty much never stops dancing, he won an award at school for being gentle, he loves to sit quietly and read, his favourite films include Moana, Trolls and Frozen......
He is the person he is meant to be and he is wonderful. Your son will be too.

I genuinely thought I was having a girl. All the kids in my family are girls and when I asked the sonographer in a hospital whose policy is not to tell, he said "how do you know it's a boy?". Which I took to mean it was a girl

Anyway cut a long story short. I love love love my boy (who's a teenager now). He is kind and courteous, well mannered. He absolutely adores me and even when my husband tries to tease me he gets very protective of me.

He genuinely is such a joy in my life!!

I was the opposite, wanted and convinced I was carrying a boy. It took a long time to adjust and by the 3rd trimester all was fine.