If you wanted / thought you were having a girl but ended up with a boy...

[GreenAndLeafy]

...how did you feel? Did it work out ok?

I’m due a baby boy in December. It’s my first pregnancy. I always knew that I had a preference for a girl, but I didn’t know how much so until we found out through the Harmony test that we’re having a boy.

I’m trying really hard to get my head around it, but I’ve realised that all of the daydreams that I’ve ever had about being a mum have been with a girl. I know on an intellectual level that I’m probably just making tonnes of assumptions about gender and what girls and boys do differently, but that doesn’t stop that huge fear that I’m now feeling that I’m going to be a terrible mum and not be able to bond with or enjoy our child. I feel sad about all the things I won’t be able to now share with the daughter I wanted (horrible pregnancy - I likely won’t have another one).

It may be relevant that I have no male cousins / siblings and a distant relationship with my father. I also have a chronic health condition that means I’m always tired and am terrified by the stock “oh, boys have so much more energy / are more hard work” comments that you always hear.

I’ve NC’d for this as I have a feeling lots of people will be along to tell me that I’m terrible and should just be happy I’m pregnant. I am happy, just also a little sad and nervous. I REALLY want for it to all work out.

When I was pregnant with DD I was 100% convinced she would be a boy (I have two ‘girl’ cats who ended up having balls so I was adamant I was destined to be in a male dominated household) so when they said girl I was a little disappointed. But only in the sense that I had convinced myself otherwise. However as the weeks passed I was so happy and when she arrived she was just the dream. Looks like the splitting image of her dad and worships the ground he walks on. I’m now expecting our second (and last) child which is a boy. It would be nice if he resembled me to even out a little bit but I know how lucky I am to even be in this situation. Boys are a total delight.

I wanted a girl because I didn't know how to relate to boys, I don't know anything about boys' characters etc. It turns out he's not interested in any typical boy stuff (yet), he loves music/dancing, his computer (not only his ) and legos.
He just turned 2 and still says just a few words because of bilingualism, equally distributed between English and my language. Last week he touched my face and said for the first time "beautiful" in my language. He is so cuddly and wants to hug me to fall asleep. It looks like we can develop this in a better relationship than the one I have with my mum

I've always wanted a girl and I had a boy. I love him obviously but I'll always be sad I won't have a female child. Flame away if you want.

I was very worried about having a boy for the same reasons as you OP. As was my best friend and we often talked about it. I had two girls and so never experienced it, but her first was a boy and she didn’t find out so it was a real shock when he was born. She experienced quite bad PND as a result and says now that she wished she had found out because she thinks having the time to come to terms with it would have helped. For what it’s worth her second was a girl and she was so happy to find that out but maintains now that it’s actually not that different and that it was all more to do with her own perceptions of gender and relationship with her mum etc than anything else.

We've got 2 boys but I'm a bit different to you because I never wanted a girl. However I had a terrible pregnancy with DS2 which has left me permanently disabled so all of his life, and the vast majority of DS1's life, they've had a mum that hasn't been able to do everything that their peers' mums could.

My boys are absolutely amazing. They are 22&24 now but right from being little they've known I've not been well even when we thought they were too small to understand. They never ran off in the park or near a road. They helped carry things and would tell their friends "my mummy is poorly". DS2 was my shadow right from the get go and is still very close to me.

DS1 is a wise old soul. We've never had a row, ever. When he was little he'd sit for hours reading, colouring, doing puzzles, Lego, etc. DS2 likes more outdoorsy stuff, but he's still content to be making things and sitting quietly. He's always had a nurturing side so spent a lot of time with me when I was feeling unwell.

Now they are men we are all still very close. DS1 joined the army but we text most days, if we can, and he comes home as often as he can. DS2 is a nurse and has stayed in the city he went to uni in. If anything happens he's straight on the phone, or he texts. We never go a day without some contact. And now I've got his lovely girlfriend who texts and calls me too.

I honestly don't feel like I've missed anything by not having a daughter. You are going to love your son so much because he's going to be yours and a few days after he's born you'll wonder how you ever managed without him.

Fine honestly. I also had no brothers, absent dad, no uncles etc. As soon as that baby is in your arms they are just yours and it's amazing and their sex seems really unimportant. It only seems important before birth because it's the only thing you know about them. DS1 is ten now and DS2 is nearly one. I don't know what I would do with a daughter now :o I guess exactly the same!

My first was a girl, when I got pregnant again I really wanted a girl. I'm an only child and I would have wanted a sister so I think that's why I had a preference.... I had a boy. I was really worried i wouldn't know what to do with him/ feel differently etc. He's here and 5 weeks old and he's literally a baby. He could be a boy or a girl (apart from his bits obviously) and so at this stage you just love them because they are cute and need you and are just scrummy. By the time he's grown up into a 'boy' you'll love him so much that you'll have forgotten all about all the stuff you dreamed about doing with a girl. I hope that makes sense, it's hard to explain until you feel it!

My MIL to be wanted a girl and went on to have 4 lovely boys who all adore her.

A son could give you a daughter-in-law and / or granddaughters in the future.

I have a 11 month old son and absolutely love him more than anything else in the world. Congratulations on your pregnancy.

I'm the only daughter of an only daughter who is the daughter of a woman who had 3 sisters so boys were lacking in our family. I didn't find out beforehand but I really wanted a boy and I got one. This is why I don't agree with finding out in advance. When the baby comes you don't care what you got.

Yup. Have been there. I always wanted a girl. Very badly. Growing up in an all female household I didn't really have much experience with boys. I didn't know what I would do with a boy tbh. Pregnancy is a really weird and can be an unsettling time. You have no idea who this person is who is going to move in with you for 18 years! It's really perfectly normal, esp if you are a bit of a worrier, to worry about whether you will bond or relate to your baby. This can be exacerbated by the additional uncertainty of dealing with a baby that is different to the one that you had in your mind, possibly for years since childhood. Of course, when I had my baby boy, I felt an any idiot for worrying about whether I would bond with him. The sex made no difference whatsoever. He was perfect, fabulous and just amazing. I found and still found all the toys for boys and hobbies actually more interesting than those of girls. And of course, there are some really supercute colourful clothes for boys. I adore having a boy. When I fell pregnant for a second time, I hoped for another as I had all the clothes/toys etc already. And guess what... I ended up having a girl (which I really didn't expect!). And of course, she was also perfect, amazing and fantastic! Honestly, it's pretty common to have a preference and expectations etc, but it all goes straight out of the window the moment that they are born. And you end up feeling a tit for having even considered it an issue in the first place!

When your baby arrives you will love them as the human they are, not which side.

But OP, I do hope that, when your baby is born, you come back and post on a similar thread, about what a twit you feel for having even been worried about it in the first place, and reassure the next slightly bewildered pregnant worrier that it will all be just fine and not to worry a jot!!

As an aside though my first pregnancy was horrible and I felt really anxious about giving birth, whether I would get pnd, bond with my baby etc. If you feel worried/anxious, I would be more than happy to chat to you about things and hopefully put your mind at ease! Just pm me any time!

3 boys here and I was convinced each one was a girl. I couldnt picture myself with boys but here I am and I wouldnt change a thing.

It's funny because when you are pregnant you think so much about what sex your child will be and then they arrive and really they are just your child. I quite often call DS 'my boy' or 'my wee man' but actually I very rarely think about him as a boy in the general sense, he's just DS. He adores animals, horses especially, cars and books and is extremely chilled out. He likes bright colours like yellow and hot pink and he gets really excited about shoes. I feel like he could be the exact same person and be the opposite sex.

My DH is an only child. Totally close to his mum but without any weirdness. Congrats on your son! Bet he is awesome!

I was sure until 20wk scan that I was carrying a girl. DS is now 6. He has been utterly amazing and the light of my life since the second he appeared. Every child is an individual. Congratulations op. Ds' early years involved a LOT of wheels and picking up at least one stick from every walk we've ever been on. Also a cuddle and a kiss at bedtime & a cuddle before we start our day every morning xx

It will be fine OP. More than fine, it will be amazing and you'll adore him.

With my second dc I just knew it was a girl. My eldest was a girl and I just couldn't see myself with any other child iyswim. Also, I only have sisters, female cousins and dozens of Aunts. There hadn't been a bit born in my wider family for 35 years!

When the MW announced I had a boy I was so shocked, and then immediately excited in a scared kind of way. A boy! A boy? What do I Fi with a boy?

My boy is 12 now. He's creative, imaginative, totally not into sports if any kind, loves films and making popcorn.....loves drama and performing and wants to be a stand-up comedian! I could never have 'known' him before he was here.

I just couldn't imagine life without him. Oh and he totally understands how to get on with girls as he's surrounded by them

When I found out DGS was on the way, I was a bit conflicted. I'm male, but so were all my bullies. Also, I wasn't much into sport, and the thought of having to learn the offside rule and why is cricket so excruciating...ugh. Then he arrived, and I got into Classics because I was so chuffed.

I was worried I'd miss out on the moment when you see your dd in a wedding dress. I watch a lot of Say Yes to the Dress! But my eldest ds needed a suit for school, and I had exactly that moment of pride and happiness seeing him in a suit for the first time.
You will also learn so much as their interests will probably be different to a girl's.

I have two boys and two girls. My boys are the easiest, calmest and most laid back children I have ever met. The youngest is only a baby, granted, but my eldest was the same as a baby. So bloody quiet, you honestly barely hear a peep from them.

My DD’s are completely different in every way! They were loud from the word go, cried lots as babies, screamed and had tonnes of tantrums as toddlers, struggled greatly settling into reception, pretty highly strung to say the least.

I obviously adore and love them all but I just wanted to say, the stereotypes are absolute nonsense. Not all boys are boisterous, loud and raucous.

I agree @pinktinker. I have a DD and a DS. My DD is MUCH louder. She's very much shouty and in your face. She's wonderful but it can be exhausting. My DS is quieter and more thoughtful. He's also much more in to cuddles. Having worked in a school I can't say I saw a big difference between boys and girls at primary age. There were plenty of noisy girls and quiet boys (and vice versa).

I thought I really wanted a daughter because I don't have much experience of boys. We were told that we were going to have a girl at our 20 week scan but we've now got a lovely 9 month old boy. I love him so much and really couldn't care less that he's a boy now.

You’ve all been so KIND! Thank you so much.

This is the first time that I’ve been able to feel relaxed about it and imagine that it’ll all be ok. You’ve all made this nauseous hormonal pregnant lady very happy!

You ask 'Did it work out?' meaning if it doesn't can you give him back!!
Maybe you need to consider your suitability to be a parent.

people should ask themselves 'how do I parent to give this child the best' instead of 'what do I do with a boy?'
It is avery stupid question.