Do you have problems? I can solve them all.

[pineapplebryanbrown]

Hello, I'm Thigh. I will work with you to help you achieve the perfect balance in life. I am unfettered by knowledge or training as are my on call team of kindly agony aunts. We're ready to heal you.

The only Jean I know isn't the least bit distressed. She's perfectly happy going round her campsite on her mobility scooter.

Dangly you out of all of us must have plenty of easy access to jizz. Could you lend me some for my three piece?

I know a man called Jean, he's grumpy but I wouldn't say he was distressed.

Is there much use for jizz then, other than for making a baby, or decorating a sofa? I'm thinking Dangly is sitting on a potential gold mine, if there's a market for it.

Cunty names ahoy!

Yes i have access to numerous cock, therefore by default jizz.

So what's the plan? Sell it for sofas?

Is there something we could do with jizz and gin combined? That's got to be a money spinner for us.

Cock ... tails!!

Yes!! Got the branding going on already!!!

Could we offer it as a manx cocktail? So like a manx cat which is tailless? So, basically, just call it 'cock'?

Yes!

Cock!!

So artisan cock then? Combination of gin and jizz. What's our price point? Can we have fancy packaging?

"I'd like a pint of cock, please"

It has a certain ring about it.

Archie we have to go for the high end market! Let's aim for over £1000 per 20 ml

Also we can call it gizz !

I'm thinking about the merchandise, hats 'n hoodies all branded with the cock logo.
Reg...get your crayons out.

Gizz...much more subtle and up market.

Yes and the logo has to be a spunking cock!

Gizz is inspired. We'd better trade mark it or whatever we need to do before someone nicks it. I'm happy to conduct taste tests

We need a regular, plentiful and high quality standard of jizz too. Dangly you'd better start doing quality standard tests on your customers.

Trademarking done:

Gizz ™®

Ok I think we may need naked or another one of the scientist honeyz to properly conduct the quality testing.

I can only obtain the product!

So people of Thigh, who is our target market? How do they live? What are they thinking? How do we access them and what do we do to make them see that Gizz ™® is the solution they have been looking for in their empty lives?

Ok I've got it! The marketing strategy will be thus:

We will have leaflets printed (by Reg) with our logo and branding all over, and a picture of our phials of Gizz ™® plus some posh stuff like stately homes in the background to upgrade our product in the customer's eye.

Then each of us will go out by night (in case anyone sees us and asks us in) and posts a leaflet to the immediate 5 neighbours either side.

Then we just wait for our millions!

Hi, you might remember me. I joined your fold approximately four or so hours ago....

I was about to embark on a trip to the park but was delayed/aborted due to toddler. It was effectively abandoned due to ants. Afore said thigh people, I sent her to her with a lovely meal of pesto gnocchi and baby sweet corn, garnished with a side of strawberries and blueberries.

Basically I am now hungry, because I gave the toddler all the food. I have about £15 left for this month before I start to eat the dog food... shall I splurge this £15? Or spend the next ten mins applying for a job that I don't want? Footnote it would be the same job that I am doing, just at a level, and actually having hAd typed it out, I realise I should stay in my cushty job. Phew.

What a perfect marketing strategy, it can't fail!

I don't like my neighbours, I don't want them having the chance to taste our gizz. Just no advice but I'm hungry now you've told me what you've fed your child.

just all you have to do is join us in our scheme to sell Gizz™® and this time next year we'll be millionaires!

Have you got a printer?