Do you have problems? I can solve them all.

[pineapplebryanbrown]

Hello, I'm Thigh. I will work with you to help you achieve the perfect balance in life. I am unfettered by knowledge or training as are my on call team of kindly agony aunts. We're ready to heal you.

It's ok if not Reg has crayons!

Just, how big are the ants where you are in the south west? They must be pretty big to prevent you going to the park. Perhaps we could use them as our Gizz distribution team. They're sure to work hard, so we don't have to.

They could probably deliver the leaflets, too. I was a bit worried about that part of the plan. Five neighbours away from my (jizz stained) sofa is a bit far, and what if one of the neighbours saw me and thought i was trying to be neighbourly.

Hey that's a brilliant idea Dog so we engage Just's big ants to do all of the hard work and we stay in our slankets on the sofa pissing with our snax.

I wonder if the Ants would attend work for me on Monday?

So are we thinking something like a brewer's dray, only with giant ants? Visualising something between the size of a Labrador and a Shetland pony? Eco friendly, zero emissions too. Unless ants fart? Google is silent on this.

Trying to use deadly, but am weary.

Can you tattoo ants? If so, we may have found the answer to the work in general problem. Ants love working, so we'd be doing them a favour.

Yes Dog and this would mean that Project was off the hook too!

So that's it sorted Giant Ants are the solution to our labour force issue (since none of us wants to move more than necessary to sustain life!)

Caroline I'm not sure yet how big they are just needs to get back to us on that but am hoping that they could exceed labrador at least. But then I always was an optimist.

Best ways they would exceed T-rex and shift mountains and then we'd be sorted for life as long as they didn't turn (or we'd be in more trouble than naked could sort as the Zombie Apocalypse!)

Anyway, what's the marketing strategy? Are people going to want to buy it for the gin or the jizz or a combination thereof?

Obviously adventurous alcoholics would be the first port of call, closely followed by upholsterers.

I think it could be a hit at fertility clinics. If you think about it, their normal jizz quality isn't very true to life. Let's face it, many babies are conceived in an alcoholic haze. Gizz tm would be a service to humanity!!

Pooter they will buy it because it's posh - because we say so!

Yes to alcoholics, we could put posters up in AA!

YY to IVF clinics! This is the kind of brainstorming that leads to instant millions!! More posters required!! REG ... we neeed you!!!

I'm trying to work out the perfect ratio of gin:jizz.
Obviously Dangly can supply an almost limitless supply of free jizz, but the gin will have to be sourced. So our profit margin will be higher, the more jizz:gin there is. But, and this is a big but, will the taste be compromised by it being mainly jizz?

I guess if we market it as artisan, people will lap it up as its posh, regardless of taste.

Ok, I am back. The bad news is that ants are really hard to herd... really bloody hard.
the good news is that I found a different method of central heating... simply put all your clothes on and order pizza.

The other news is that not only did I have the stupid and embarrassing heel/ankle incident, I have now completely fucked my knee, basically that's two accidents in one day. Fucks sake

Yes I have heard about artisan gin. Can jizz be artisan? What if it's from an untalented non artisan? Would being organic count as being as good as being artisan? Maybe just emphasise the gin bit.

Definitely more brain storming needed!

Would the packaging be the same to each market? I'm wondering if we include a free straw to the alcoholics and a turkey baster to the fertility clinics?

Pooter you forget the Dangly s harvesting the jizz and she's definitely an artisan.

That Dangly and an apostrophe.

just you are being battered by cruel fate all right. Are you eligible for a mobility scooter? Summer is coming, and we are airing our muumuus! (Sp???)

Artisan ants though... let's be honest, its never been done... a few of my friends keep making artisan gin... one of them has been a success, the other one just sits at home, regretting their life decisions...
So I am offering artisan ant collection... for a small fee, you can have your own ant collection! We can also offer runs and to scale pasture for your ants...

Shame about the ants. Can we just use labradors instead?

Yes call it artisan and it doesn't matter if it tastes of spunk. That's already a thing!

Caroline It will be whatever we say it will be, if we say 'artisan' they will say 'More Gizz ™® Henrietta, there's a gal'

Now ... how to run the ants???

I know, is anyone able to emulate a Queen Ant???

Is Adam Ant around??

Don't panic just we have it all under control, your future is secure with us ...

Just are all these accidents because you've been overdoing the gizz tasting?

dog you are firing on all cylinders tonight! Of course dangly sanctifies the jizz as artisan! She should probably get some sort of regional certificate from the EU while she can, like Brie or Lincolnshire Sausages. After bloody Brexit I suppose it will be back to going for By Apointment to the Queen. Or maybe one of the younger royals could endorse.

Good idea about the queen ant, we only need to get her on side and we'll have the lot! I wonder if she can be tamed with Gizz ™® .

Not to be alarmist, but remembering "The Fly", would it be totally safe to allow Gizz near the queen bee? There might be a thunderbolt, or a mad scientist. I'm going to have nightmares now.