I can offer you solutions to all your problems

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I am a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I am unfettered by knowledge or training and can solve anything, no matter how trivial.

Please enter my advice clinic where you will find kindly Agony Aunt services. My rules and solutions are mostly as follows:

1. Lie Down
2. No Guests
3. No One is Too Fat or Too Thin
4. No One Gets Told Off

It's like the Drunk Threads used to be only there's an overarching narrative and no-one's drunk apart from me.

Already poured it Dangly mate, asking out of courtesy only.

Project as wear all wearing slankets and have about 10 women's faces tattooed one over the other over our faces sexual partners may not be something we have to think about.

Klepto sorry, you have to have all of our faces over your face. Fair's fair.

Fair point thigh.

Tell you what, I’ll get mum’s face on my chest and your faces on my face.

That's good Project i think I'll get your mum's face tattooed on my chest too.

I've already got Project's mum's face tattooed on my chest. Bob keeps trying to shag me. Is Gotten here yet?

Oh wait, i foresee problems.

Everyone has everyone's face tattooed over their face.

Everyone has everyone's mum's face tattooed on their chest.

This is a great thread!! Getting I love the idea of the leaving card but I'm 2000 miles away from the UK and the postal service here is shite. Which leads me on to my next problem.... I have a slanket but positioned it poorly so the cat has the best of it. I'm sitting here freezing, needing the toilet and desperate to get up to put the kettle on to make my peppermint tea with a dash of vodka

Getting i thought Bob was your brother/uncle?

He is Thigh. He is.

Helmut if you pee yourself you will solve all your problems. The cat will move and it will warm you up. Where are you posting from?

comet the Romans had this covered, I saw it in the British Museum a few years ago. You need a drinking horn. They put wine in but it would totally work to tea, I need one myself. They also had a garden ornament of a man fucking a goat, but that’s an optional extra.

OK Getting (no judgement) i know you're Australian and that's fine by me.

bag are you panicking about generalised failure or is it more specific? Either way, get the job and let them work out if you can do it or not. Take heart in the fact that if you get it you’re unlikely to be more shit at it than anyone else and it may well more hassle than it’s worth to replace you. Think about, you must have worked with loads of shit but still mysteriously employed people.

Alternatively just imagine you’re a man, apparently they routinely apply for jobs they can barely do.

Greetings people of Thighland I feel I would like to move to Thighland as I enjoy lying down and eating snacks, although the facial tatoos sound a bit scary I have a very low pain threshold maybe someone could just draw in sharpie?

I do have a question about work: I have actually got quite a simple job but I am not very good at it and keep making mistakes, this has happened in all my previous jobs too. How can I accept the fact I am clearly destined to be a bit rubbish in the workplace for life? I have considered a dog walking business as you have previously recommended but I feel I may even be bad at this and possibly lose someone's precious pooch or something. I await your wise advise.

Hey thislido someone upthread mentioned we needed statues, maybe said garden ornament could be the first one we add to our statue collection of th'nation?

Thigh is this a good first statue for us?

SmallFastPenguin I actually think it is very thigh to be bad at your job.

I am trying harder and harder to be badder and badder at mine so that less and less is expected of me.

You could also pack it all in and be bad at dog walking too if you wish, same applies, the more dogs you lose the less you need to walk and the more your time is your own again.

Stop trying to be better! Never forget the tagline of Thighland ... Reverse Improvement it is key to your well-being!

SmallFastPenguin I have an entire pencil case full of Sharpies, I'll do it if Thigh allows it.

I also have a small dog and I wouldn't mind if you lost him so I say go for the dog walking business.

Dangly yes, an excellent statue. I hadn't realised there was anything missing from Thighland but now i have no idea how we coped all this time without a statue to decorate our beautiful land.

SmallFastPenguin get a job running from elephant seals while being filmed by David Attenborough's camera crew.

SmallFastPenguin welcome! Dangly’s advice is excellent. It may very well be that your talents lie elsewhere. Have you considered organ harvesting as a career?

Thank you Dangly and Kleptronic, very comforting advice. I do like the concept of reverse improvement and it does give me the option to carry on being rubbish in my current job or start a rubbish dog walking business or even find another job and be bad at that, which is very freeing.

I love walking my own dog but she is rather badly behaved and I have very little control over her. I dread meeting one of those dog hating MNers we get on here. Luckily everyone in my local area seems to love dogs and thet are very understanding of her ways.

Oh slightly disappointed I was hoping for a statue of a Very Large Thigh