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Original poster

I can offer you solutions to all your problems

999 replies

pineapplebryanbrown · 28/02/2019 12:07

I am a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I am unfettered by knowledge or training and can solve anything, no matter how trivial.

Please enter my advice clinic where you will find kindly Agony Aunt services. My rules and solutions are mostly as follows:

  1. Lie Down
  2. No Guests
  3. No One is Too Fat or Too Thin
  4. No One Gets Told Off
OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
thislido · 28/02/2019 15:15

Klept!

What news of those organs? How was the "networking"?

DanglyTassles · 28/02/2019 15:18

Klept !!!

Hurrah! She survived her ordeal! 🥳

Gettingnowhere · 28/02/2019 15:36

For those new to the thread, Kleptronic was going to a networking event with 25 "men". She may have been encouraged to harvest their organs to raise funds for our burgeoning nation

thislido · 28/02/2019 16:41

Good intro Getting, we don’t wnt to become a clique, we want everyone to find their inner thighs.

I hope the image of Gwynnie looking at their vaginas hasn’t scared people off.

Luaa · 28/02/2019 17:15

I have a problem thisters. No one is getting my face tattooed on their face! I am feeling very undervalued in Thighland as a result. Is it because you think I'm a gentle soul so you don't need to worry about me? Because I'm considering losing my shit. You know like when you have a lovely calm teacher so when she shouts at you everyone knows they've really fucked up? That will be me.

Gettingnowhere · 28/02/2019 17:19

Thislido yeah, I can see that having Gwyneth Paltrow look at people's vaginas is kind of weird. I've always had Jennifer Aniston look at mine.

Luaa, soz my face is already done.

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 28/02/2019 17:20

Luaa most people are having my face tattooed on their face, Danish i think is having the Danish flag. Getting is really sulking cos she's really gay for me and having my face tattooed on her face but I'm gay for Dangly and having her face tattooed on my face.

Getting is really immature and i see her as more of a ward than as a romantic prospect.

OP posts:
Luaa · 28/02/2019 17:20

Sorry about that. Calm again now.

I think walking whilst reading added to my anger. Particularly when I got to school and found I was an hour early and had to walk home again without dd.

Luaa · 28/02/2019 17:22

I've decided to just have my face tattooed on my face. Self love is very important.

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 28/02/2019 17:26

Luaa perhaps you could have Getting's face tattooed on your face?

OP posts:
DanglyTassles · 28/02/2019 17:26

Luaa don't be upset! I will have your face tattooed onto mine!

I don't think anyone has booked themselves onto my face yet so I can have yours done!

No need to lose your shit dear, I am extremely happy to have your theatures instead of mine which are currently bestowed upon our beloved thigh

Happily this means we all still exist! Smile

HelmutFrontbut · 28/02/2019 17:32

Please help! My colleague (also a good friend) has just messaged me to tell me she has quit but asked me not to tell anyone! I need to WhatsApp everyone RIGHT NOW to tell them but she's sworn me to secrecy 😢😢😢 What am I going to do, especially later when I've had a glass of wine?!!

Luaa · 28/02/2019 17:38

Dangly you truly are a wonderful citizen of Thighland. You have made my sad heart full of happiness.

Gettingnowhere · 28/02/2019 17:45

Helmut Helmut Helmut. Pleased to meet you. The answer is simple. "Borrow" a mutual colleague's phone. Yours has a flat battery and you need to make an emergency call. Get on WhatsApp. Break the news as fellow colleague. Then lie down

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 28/02/2019 17:47

Helmut this is an emergency. Remove the SIM card from your phone and post it back to yourself. Tonight you will be blind drunk and forget about the postage. You will WhatsApp everyone to no effect at all. In the morning you will wake up filled with terror crying that you have betrayed a confidence. When the post arrives you will be delirious with relief and joy. Do it now before you start drinking.

OP posts:
thislido · 28/02/2019 17:55

What if she has WiFi?

thislido · 28/02/2019 17:55

Post the phone!

thislido · 28/02/2019 17:56

Getting’s idea is excellent. Ideally borrow the leavers phone.

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 28/02/2019 17:56

Good catch Thislido!

OP posts:
ProjectGainsborough · 28/02/2019 17:57

Here you all are! luaa I’ll have your face tattooed over thigh’s face over my face.

Placemarking as the dark lord must be tended to.

hellenbackagen · 28/02/2019 17:58

Found you! Anyone need security ? Did anyone bring Elsa over ? And do we need milk?

HelmutFrontbut · 28/02/2019 18:02

Thanks Getting (v cunning) and thigh but your plan is flawed - WhatsApp works without a sim card 😯 I'll need to cancel my Wi-Fi and phone contract right now won't I? Or.... I could post something proper cryptic on FB? 😉

MysticReg · 28/02/2019 18:03

Nobody has bagsied my face either. Even though I am a stone cold hottie, as yesterday’s art proved.

I am available for commissions, should anyone need one. Do we have a tattoo artist yet? Cos I can totally do that. I’ve got quite a few biros and felt tips, and access to pritt-stick to aid in organ harvesting.

Kleptronic · 28/02/2019 18:03

I couldn't harvest any organs, there was another woman there! So we bonded instead of me harvesting. I will inculcate her into the way of Thigh eventually. She's quite young so I didn't want to frighten her.

Luaa · 28/02/2019 18:05

Project I'm worried that will mess your face up, but I very much appreciate the offer.