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Original poster

I can offer you solutions to all your problems

999 replies

pineapplebryanbrown · 28/02/2019 12:07

I am a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I am unfettered by knowledge or training and can solve anything, no matter how trivial.

Please enter my advice clinic where you will find kindly Agony Aunt services. My rules and solutions are mostly as follows:

  1. Lie Down
  2. No Guests
  3. No One is Too Fat or Too Thin
  4. No One Gets Told Off
OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
DanglyTassles · 07/03/2019 17:14

Getting buck up love, your th'nation needs you! We are under th'attack.

Send snacks to thigh and send Exlax to purge her of cardboard! There's been an uprising from MNHQ

< runs round like headless chicken >

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 07/03/2019 17:15

Dangly but the packet is open, it's beyond my control to stop eating them. I think I might actually have a lethal shitting disease. Should I try a mouthful of pancake?

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CarolinePooter · 07/03/2019 17:24

Thigh, they are laced with drugs! You will be bundled into a van and sent to AIBU. I cannot go there again, the last time it made my IBS much worse. Where else but thighland could I speak my mind? I've already been banned from twitter!

DanglyTassles · 07/03/2019 17:27

thigh squirt fairy liquid on them till the Turkish Man comes with your supplies!!

Do not let Pauline post any more so called snax! If she tries shit on her!!

Weird hoovering woman ...

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 07/03/2019 17:28

Pooter I'll tell you a secret, i was banned from MN years ago for being a goady fucker. I used a cunning trick and made a new email account.

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Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 07/03/2019 17:31

I tried Dangly i tried! I'm eating and eating, i can't stop myself!

Please, for the love of Thigh help me! They're own brand fake go aheads.

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Gettingnowhere · 07/03/2019 17:31

Cheers Danga and G'day Titslidosomethingaboutafish

I've reached deep inside my inner thigh and found strength in there I never thought possible after 2 kids.

The PT dilemma has restored my faith in Thighland. I have several pairs of unholy holey leggings, which I have up until now only used to cover my face during burglaries. I see the light now. I need a PT. Of course

CarolinePooter · 07/03/2019 17:31

But thigh, twitter has not banned me. I HAVE BEEN BANNED BY MY OWN CHILD!!

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 07/03/2019 17:35

Oh no! The hole i smashed through my house to stick my arse through has got Pauline's head sticking through it. She's smiling and waving! What does it mean?

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DanglyTassles · 07/03/2019 17:37

I wish that useless article of a Turkish Man would hurry the fuck up with your proper snacks!!

I am thinking we should thrash him and put him
in the cage for this leisurely approach to an emergency situation!!

CarolinePooter · 07/03/2019 17:40

Pauline is showing signs of being a zombie.

CarolinePooter · 07/03/2019 17:41

You could have her rounded up and sent to a Zombie Thread.

Gettingnowhere · 07/03/2019 17:43

Thigh this is an emergency! Have you got a poo knife?!

DanglyTassles · 07/03/2019 17:44

That's a good idea Pooter let's do it!!

Hoovering witch ...

DanglyTassles · 07/03/2019 17:46

OMG thigh shit on her quickly! Turkish Man will be here with Exlax any second now!

Yes get the poo knife! Do the bitch in!!

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 07/03/2019 17:48

She's shouting things at me "Trust me! Believe me! It's just a little bit of Kool Aid" what does she want, why does she want to be my friend so badly?

Is she a sister in distress? She does have snax, they're diet snax, but still.

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Gettingnowhere · 07/03/2019 17:50

No Thigh. No! Don't trust the diet snax. She's luring you into an unwholesome fat free, sugar free world

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 07/03/2019 17:51

I left the poo knife at the last murder scene. All I've got is Thislido's serrated grapefruit spoon, I've let my guard down, i see that now...

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Kleptronic · 07/03/2019 17:51

This is gonna make the MN newsletter for sure. There'll be a fuckton of confused AIBUeans that day. Then they'll see the light and join us in dear Thighland.

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 07/03/2019 17:54

She threw a Terry's Chocolate Orange at me, she's smiling and encouraging me. It's chocolate, chocolate is always safe.

IT'S A FRESH JAFFA ORANGE 🍊

It looks so good ...

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Kleptronic · 07/03/2019 17:54

NOOOOO THIGH DON"T DO IT I HAVE PORK SCRATCHINGS

Gettingnowhere · 07/03/2019 17:57

Have you lost your mind? Chocolate AND orange do not belong together!! It's like pineapple and pizza.

You need to distract her. Ask her about her last Slimming World weigh in. Say you'd live to see her Avon catalogue. ANYTHING

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 07/03/2019 17:59

Mmm i licked an orange 🍊 segment, i think some vitamin C is coursing through my brains. She's wafting chamomile tea my way. She says it will help to calm me and be more in tune with the rest of MN.

I didn't know i wasn't, i thought everyone thought the same way i do.

Is there another way?

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Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 07/03/2019 18:02

Pineapple you say Getting yum, so tasty, so fresh. I could order a gluten free, no cheese pizza with extra pineapple 🍍

I'd only have to open the door to let the pizza in.

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Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 07/03/2019 18:05

I'm just popping my slanket in the wash, it really is becoming quite whiffy.

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