I can offer you solutions to all your problems

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I am a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I am unfettered by knowledge or training and can solve anything, no matter how trivial.

Please enter my advice clinic where you will find kindly Agony Aunt services. My rules and solutions are mostly as follows:

1. Lie Down
2. No Guests
3. No One is Too Fat or Too Thin
4. No One Gets Told Off

drizzle people admire you passion, it's only because you care. Dangly is right about the Krispy Kremes. You'll want a Double Dozen because everyone is seduced by the filled ones but actually refers the Original Glazed.

prefers

I'm surrounded by idiots. How to killed them and not get caught?

drizzle are you a "manager"? If so you are inevitable insane and the solution is to work on demotion, which will be tremendous fun.

I’ve just had a baby and my vagina still hurts. What can I do about that

001 oh my goodness, you really have come to the right place! We have filled 2 whole thread refining killing methods and body disposal.

How many people do you wish to kill (no judgement). Reginald's mother has a mincing machine she's not using.

We've been using pigs to eat the evidence up until now and then a lion to eat the pigs.

Firstly though, do you have an integral garage?

Spinning remember don't try to push the baby back in, that will hurt even more.

Uh, uh, can I have a go?

001 invite your frenimies to the zoo or a wildlife park aaand push. Up to you if you choose lions, tigers, polar bears or even zebras (will take a long time).

Spinning soon you will distracted from the pain by utter exhaustion.

In the meantime, were you mis-sold the baby? If so you must complain to the Ombudsman.

Danish are zebras vegetarian? Will they eat human if marinaded in lime first?

Yes Spinning have you been tricked?

Thanks Thigh - I feel no better.

Yes I was missold, I thought mat leave was a fucking holiday when I was at work and women used to swan off leaving me with there accounts

Everybody is vegetarian these days 🤷‍♀️.
But if the frenemies have a lie down, they may be trampled to death.

And no lime, gives them the runs 🙄.

Maybe there is someone at work under the same illusion who you can gift the baby to and get back to civilisation?

For your vagina, print out a large picture of Gwyneth Paltrow and show it to your vag. Gwyneth is very soothing to vaginas, as long as they can't hear her speak or read her advice.If you don't haver a printer you can get a picture up on your phone. No videos though, in case she speaks before you can mute it.

If you can print it out, crayon in a nice relaxing aura around it, that will increase the effectiveness.

Hi everyone! Welcome new comers. Looking forward to joining in the fun again. Just finding a pack of Monster Munch.

everyone is secretly received when plans are cancelled

Excellent point! And my friend is definitely the type to enjoy a night in with slanket and wine instead of trudging out places (we have that in common). She might be a bit wtf? at monster munch but I will give that a try
Thank you thigh-acolytes (thighlets? Thighkins? Do you have a collective name?)

For anyone who would like to catch up on our previous advice, thread 1 can be found here...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/3507843-I-can-offer-you-solutions-to-all-your-problems

And thread 2

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3514284-I-can-offer-you-solutions-to-all-your-problems-Title-edited-by-MNHQ-at-OPs-request

Judge we have many names. We are Thiciples who offer Thigherapy on the Super Thighway.

Our collective term is a Wobble of Thighs, we want you to get in touch with your Inner Thigh too.

Thank you O-thigh-of-wonder I live to make you proud my ordained master (not manager) and long for any chance to serve for the greater good of Thighland and it's Thighciples.

We're all equals here Dangly we live to solve problems.

Personally I live to be needy.