I can offer you solutions to all your problems *Title edited by MNHQ at OP's request*

[pineapplebryanbrown]

Do you have a problem? Bring it to Thighland and we will solve it for you.

After we have solved your problem we will nurse you back to full health and change your life for the better.....forever

Do I need my passport?

Thank goodness! I was an avid reader of the last Thighland post and was worried I would not locate the new thread. Your words of wisdom have allowed me to remain entertained and encouraged me to stay lying down during my week off (had to walk the dog to the fuck boys and offer them a surprise if they would walk my dog all week so I could continue to lie down).

Reg you'll find Hellen is good at drawing, she can design passports for us.

Lau they're content with just the offer of a surprise. By the end of the week they've forgotten there was an offer. Congrats on lying down all week.

Now that the trail is laid I'm off to watch some shizz on dictators, running out of ready knowledge. Night all xx

I’ve brought my pillow, a flask of tea and some salt and vinegar crisps for sharing.

Hmm s&v crisps....

NO, must watch telly!

Just laying out my slanket here.

BHS are they the eye watering salt and vinegar ones? Like McCoys? I’ll have one, thanks.

I have a selection, I’m trying out various makes to get the perfect eye wateriness to crunch ratio. I like the idea of the posh ones but they take a lot of chewing which is just too much like hard work. I’ve got a lot of McCoy’s or Walkers but I’ve brought a few bags of s&v Hoola Hoops too.

ooh, I could have 10 hula hooos, one for each finger. I can offer a nice cup of tea and some biscuits delivered by the hill waking friend who was in crisis. I assume this makes her a delivery person rather than a visitor so it’s ok.

PS you can always suck the chewy ones.

I haven’t got the willpower to suck a crisp lido.

Morrison’s s&v are too sweet and almost too soft.

Coop’s Seasalt and Chardonnay vinegar are the right level of eye burn but too much effort texture wise.

I’ve now got crumbs in my onesie, I need a good Hoovering.

well helllooooo! new thread?

im fab at drawing. and body disposal.

I bring forth Monster Munch! (roast beef over here - job lot)

I am particularly grateful to find myself back in Thighland! It was just like when Dorothy wakes up after the storm in Wizard of Oz and now here I am clutching my M Munch and my slanket!!

Now what was that we were saying about Fuckboys? So they ARE safe to use as free labour?

To clarify a little about Fuckboys.
If you are approached by someone calling himself "Stupendous Steve", run. Get pigs and s&v crisps that resemble cardboard and Hellen. Don't be fooled by his stupendous appendage. It's bait for the unwitting Thiciple. (Btw, Thiciple has now entered the dictionary on my phone).
Wanky Wayne is the safe option, but well, he's a bit hmmmmmm.
Big Willy claims he is faithful to Thighland, but can be bought by either side for a small pack of Wotsits.

I'll need other members of Thighland to update on the other Fuckboys as I'm worn out already. I've given up on trying to get them to deliver coffee. Poor old Mr Johnson at No 14 has only just recovered from the shock.

Is Ann Summers online delivery as discreet as they claim? Asking for a friend

Ok so No to Stupendous Steve maybe to Big Willy but purchase job lot of wotsits first (mainly for me of course) and Wanky Wayne safe but undesirable! Got it!

Someone mentioned Girthy Gary do we hive the low-down in him?

I'm not so sure about Ann Summers Getting you don't want Mr Johnson to get another surprise and end up needing a thambulance!

You (your friend) could go to an Ann Summers party and drink copious wine until you just don't care who knows about your (friend's) blatant purchases?

Excellent advice, Dangly. I will pass on the info to my friend. We all know how weak old Mr Johnson's heart is. Best not take the risk.
Speaking of risk, I know that we will be breaking the laws of Thighland by having guests, but what if we are guests at OTHER PEOPLE'S houses? And there are crisps and wine? I guess it breaks the going out Rule, but then so did the whole going to the river bit. Thigh?

As I understand it we are allowed out if it's sunny and for terminating dh's and that kind of shizz but we do need thigh to clarify so not getting it wrong.

Maybe an Ann Summers party could count as 'staying in' as long as you don't have a return one at your (friend's) house but only if you get straight in the car from the front door to their front door and do bare min walking about?

And stay rested and lying down during party of course, good as gold, like you were doing at home but sumping wine?

master- thigh is this allowed?

And by 'master' I just mean 'learned master of the lore of thigh' not 'manager' or anything insane like that obvs!

Stair lift

The Word of Thigh is so strong inside me, I can already hear her in my head.
"Lie down. No guests. Finish the job old Mrs Johnson should have done"

So true, I feels her too!