I can offer you solutions to all your problems *Title edited by MNHQ at OP's request*

[pineapplebryanbrown]

Do you have a problem? Bring it to Thighland and we will solve it for you.

After we have solved your problem we will nurse you back to full health and change your life for the better.....forever

你被原谅了

(you are forgiven, for those of you not fluent in Mandarin)

Who else wishes to throw Napalm in my face with their confessions? Speak now or forever hold your pieces.

I know who you are!

WHO ARE YOU?!?!

I am but a humble pot-bellied elf with green tights and hair growing out of my ears. Nobody has ever offered me a Krispy Kreme

I feel strangely drawn to ThighLaw but fear I am not of the right calibre to receive citizenship.

I love resting, dogs and crisps (Seabrooks Prawn Cocktail, other flavours accepted) but enjoy walking up hills and gardening. I also quite like my "husband" (he has life insurance; we have a detached garage). It is possible to be an ally if I can't be a citizen?

Please bestow your verdict.

Supplementary question: is it acceptable to go to the supermarket (involving walking and effort) to get snacks rather than have them delivered? Mitigating circumstances: if I go in the evening I get to listen to a lion roaring (Born in Captivity, not Free) while I put my shopping in the car.

Crisps How long have you been married? A week? Give it time...

In response to supplementary question, please describe attire and footwear worn on these crazed ramblings "outside"

Er just normal clothes and trainers really. Oh dear it's not looking good is it.

Thigh will be the ultimate judge.
psst, a motorised scooter may help your case

How long married she said???

Er getting on for 30 years!!

Just for a little break in between confessions can I put forth a rather pressing issue?

It's just, the coloured pens I'm using to colour in my doodles and look busy whilst avoiding any actual productive activities, keep on falling to the floor with a rather attention grabbing clatter, is there a way I can make them behave and stay loyal to the cause of my massive shirk?

Crisps how many dogs do you have? I refuse to believe you had that username before approaching the office of Thigh. Such humility is appealing.

thigh I don't have my own dog any more, my rescue dog died at a ripe old age, but I have visiting dogs when friends go on holiday - got a lab here at the moment.

Dangly every time you see a pen dangling precariously on the precipice of your desk, fart loudly. Nobody will hear the attention grabbing clatter of your pens

Crisps you're in for being a true dog lover. Elsa will be safe with you .

Dangly chewed up monster munch acts as impromtu blu-tak - just saying.

Argh - impromptu. I had to correct that.

Thank you O Mighty Thigh. Have to go out now to buy paint to do some decorating...

Excellent Getting, I am going to do that!

Oh great news thank you thigh shall make full use to justify purchases of MM

Hurrah it works!!

Crisps oh dear, decorating? Yourself? It's OK I can tell you are a kind hearted soul who knows not what you do. You can be a thtraight ally.

Oh Thigh of Wonder, Thigh of Right

I too am a manager, as you rightly guessed, and the worst (middling) kind.

On the plus side, I lie down a lot, I have two dogs in heaven and an exh down by the river. If domesticated Elsas count, I have three of those.

I already have a No Visitors rule.

Finally... not only born free but child free. I feel the call of Thigh very strong in me...

I await the judgment of Mighty Thigh

Grinchly you're safe, you confessed early on. You abased yourself and presented your sins whilst seeking thighrapeutic advice.