I can offer you solutions to all your problems *Title edited by MNHQ at OP's request*

[pineapplebryanbrown]

Do you have a problem? Bring it to Thighland and we will solve it for you.

After we have solved your problem we will nurse you back to full health and change your life for the better.....forever

Reagan Ahhh! You scared me! Jumping out like that!

Um, Reg, just went to hit my mannequin in the nuts as recommended, but the nuts are gone. Can't just replace with haunted wax, as it seems entire mannequin is gone!!!

Getting has it gone to the shop to get your Monster Munch?

It seemed to understand earlier!

Yes Dangly, that must be it. There can't be any other explanation... CAN THERE?

What in the name of fuck and all that is Thigh is this on my doorstep?

Has a neighbour done an enormous turd?

I don't understand it!

I thought the threat was over, Laska is back and there's no machine toting mad Fuckboys yet here is a therrifying message.

Does it smell like your neighbour's usual enormous turds?

Sorry @Gettingnowhere! I was just so relieved to have located you. The fuckboys are tired and in need of water, they've been walking for days.

What is on your doorstep O'thigh, could a horse not have lost it's way from the bridle and relieved itself there?

Getting it's an enormous dead man. Has Schrodinger's wife failed to shut the garage door?

I was minding my own business eating biscuits n shizz and there was a groaning and moaning. I assumed someone close by had a bowel problem.

But NO!!

He's grey and molten, not moulting. Elsa has been at the milk again and left me an offering.

There can be no other explanation.

If definitely is a human thrurd t'is indeed threrrifying.

Ah now I understand. Many years ago, pre-Thigh, before even I was Thigh I prayed nightly for a Priapan Hunk.

And now one has arrived.

Getting I can attest that m haunted mannequin is thicker than a Fuckboy, even thicker than Girthy Gary. Thank you so much Reginald. Finally, I truly am complete. Even though I was obvs already complete, now am even completer.

Thigh did your mannequin have a friend with him? One carrying an umbrella?

Laska I feel I must minister to you. You poured out your heart and soul even though I offered a blanket absolution. I know you are a good person, at heart. We all have a good and a dark side.

If we look deeply enough we can see that every person has at least one redeeming feature.

Getting Yes, yes he did! It was a sharpened umbrella, is this a sign that we are too powerful and under threat once more?

Has the bastard got my Monster Munch?

I feel the power of my Thighs growing. Be careful

Getting well he did have, he placed it tenderly in my gaping maw.

ReaganSomerset tell me, why have you been with Fuckboys for days without water? If this is truly so, how is it you are walking?

Hey that was my Monster Munch that went into your gaping maw! What are you doing, eating MY Monster Munch?

I challenge you to a dual!

But stop! I must control myself. This is exactly what THEY want

Getting you are my dear, dear friend. We have been together through so much. I know that you are no Chou En Lai, that is Naked.

Have you come over all unusual?

You have become so aggressive, so......dictatorial. Sigh, it's happening again.

Oh Getting. Et tu Brutus? Why, why have you turned your back on the Lore of Thigh?

I am besieged on all sides, besieged and becalmed.