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Original poster

Being called mum

226 replies

sizzledrizz · 07/12/2018 23:32

I am often called this by those who work with my children: teachers, doctors, clinic staff etc.
I can understand if they are not familiar with my child and don't know dc's name, but it irks me when they could at least call me Mrs DC surname. I sometimes tell them my name, but they still insist on calling me mum.
The final nail has been that when my DC's father goes to collect them from school, a lot less than me, no teacher ever calls him 'dad'
Why is that?
Pisses me off

OP posts:
Original poster
sizzledrizz · 07/12/2018 23:34

Just to add, most female teachers call me by my actual name, so therefore not all teachers. But no teacher ever calls my ex-h 'dad'

OP posts:
ScreamingValenta · 07/12/2018 23:35

Do you mean they actually address you as 'mum'? That's downright bizarre!

Original poster
sizzledrizz · 07/12/2018 23:36

I think it's quite common...

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3boysandabump · 07/12/2018 23:37

But they don't know that you are a Mrs or that you and your child share the same surname. They do know that you are the child's mum

Orlande · 07/12/2018 23:37

Professionals who don't know your actual name often say "mum" & "dad" ime.
Lots of parents and children have different surnames so you could end up offending people by guessing Mrs Dc surname.

AlpacaLypse · 07/12/2018 23:38

I got rather cross with it on maternity ward. I'm not mum. I'm . Although I did get a bit calmer a few months later when I finally had a full night's sleep, and realised 'mum' is shorthand for 'dear god we are so busy I can't even remember these new mother's names so I'll just call them all mum'.

Not forgiveable from less pressurised professionals though.

LucyMorningStar · 07/12/2018 23:38

I know exactly what you mean. It's cringey.

ScreamingValenta · 07/12/2018 23:40

If it's common, it must be one of the weirdnesses of life I have luckily escaped by not having children. It seems ridiculous to me - surely if they are professionals working with your DC, they know your surname?

Orlande · 07/12/2018 23:40

Teachers, nursery staff, nurses etc just aren't going to know all parents names, and why should they?

Strikes me as oddly self-important to insist they need to address you by your proper name when it's not really necessary.

Orlande · 07/12/2018 23:42

Screaming - they could find out your surname, it will be on file somewhere, but is it the best use of time?

Bingowingslikeashieldofsteel · 07/12/2018 23:42

But you are mum? And if dad isn't as known to school then they might be more wary of referring to him as so? I'm not sure if I'm misunderstanding but I don't really see why you're offended?

And I say this as a professional who uses 'mum' and 'dad' and as a mum who gets referred to as such (and I'm not 'with' dad)

ScreamingValenta · 07/12/2018 23:44

Orlande If they don't know it, there's no need to look it up when it would take only a few seconds to ask. "Hello, you must be John's mum; I'm sorry, I don't know your name?"

YolandiFuckinVisser · 07/12/2018 23:45

I was once called "the matriarch" by the dentist when we had a whole family appointment. I quite liked it but seemed a bit melodramatic of him, there's only 2 kids. I'm not exactly Charm the lioness.

Original poster
sizzledrizz · 07/12/2018 23:45

But if they teach my dc on a daily basis, as in my dc is in that teacher's class they know the surname at least. It's not that hard. There is no need to call me 'mum' in that case. I really don't understand it at all.
And no-one calls my ex 'dad'.

OP posts:
3boysandabump · 07/12/2018 23:49

They know the child's surname not yours

Orlande · 07/12/2018 23:49

My DP got called "dad" by the nurse when he took the baby for immunisations.

I really don't see the issue, are you not the mum? Do you just feel you are not important enough to the teacher if she doesn't use your name?

Flower777 · 07/12/2018 23:52

I hate being called ‘mum’.

I get it OP.

It’s pretty devaluing at a time of huge transition for many women. I ask people not to do it.

Original poster
sizzledrizz · 07/12/2018 23:53

Er no Orlande, What a strange thing to say.

OP posts:
Orlande · 07/12/2018 23:55

So why does it matter that they don't know/remember your name?

ScreamingValenta · 07/12/2018 23:57

Why don't they just ask? It's what would happen in any other situation where you weren't sure of someone's name.

Original poster
sizzledrizz · 07/12/2018 23:59

I just find it rude. Perhaps I should call them 'teach' as in just one of many. Totally dismiss their role in my child's life, even though my child has a personal and often close relationship with them.
I like to think I work in partnership with my dc's teacher to bring out the best in my dc. It isn't pleasant, and feels quite dismissive.

OP posts:
MaryH90 · 08/12/2018 00:05

I’m a nursery teacher. I have 50 children a day coming through the door often with a range of carers who will pick them up or drop them off, Mam, dad, gran, grandad, aunty, uncle, step man, step dad, brother, sister and many many more. Most with different surnames from the child so I can’t go with a generic Mr/Mrs ... I call all of the adults by their relationship to the child ‘Mam/Dad/aunty” etc. With the best will in the world I’m never going to learn all of the names I would need to refer to everyone by first or last name and asking would only end in embarrassment when I forgot and have to re-ask multiple times after. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it as long as the person is not being incorrectly identified, e.g gran or aunty when they’re actually Mam. I’m also a mam and have been referred to as such many times and have no issues with it either.

MaryH90 · 08/12/2018 00:05

Also I’ve been referred to as teacher multiple times and haven’t had much of an issue with that either. It’s accurate after all.

MaryH90 · 08/12/2018 00:11

Also your last response gives the impression you feel it is a reflection on your relationship (or lack of a relationship in the teachers eyes from your perspective?) if the teacher not referring to you by your name. I’ll iust add that I’ll still refer to even my all time favourite parents (who’s children I’ve had over a long period of time - multiple children in the same family), I will still refer to as Mam or Dad. It doesn’t mean I don’t value my relationship with them.

MaryH90 · 08/12/2018 00:13

Sorry for typos, long week!