Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Being called mum

226 replies

sizzledrizz · 07/12/2018 23:32

I am often called this by those who work with my children: teachers, doctors, clinic staff etc.
I can understand if they are not familiar with my child and don't know dc's name, but it irks me when they could at least call me Mrs DC surname. I sometimes tell them my name, but they still insist on calling me mum.
The final nail has been that when my DC's father goes to collect them from school, a lot less than me, no teacher ever calls him 'dad'
Why is that?
Pisses me off

OP posts:
KatKit16 · 08/12/2018 23:37

Really @Catra you lost your cool with someone who is providing your son with specialist care because she can't remember your name ? Working long shifts to care for your son & others isn't enough ???

al2002 · 08/12/2018 23:38

Actually greenmeerkat the point is that people are a little more polite when they depend on you paying them.
Utter rubbish and an extremely patronising post.
Vast majority of HCPs I've ever worked with have been very polite and respectful despite having to deal with some awful parents.

KatKit16 · 08/12/2018 23:38

*Daughter not son

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
OhTheRoses · 08/12/2018 23:46

Not quite as patronising as calling someone "mum" when you know the child's name and could say John's mum which is correct. Or don't teachers understand how to correctly use pronouns. One would rather hope they do.

SlowlyShrinking · 08/12/2018 23:53

I try not to take offence at things like this. It’s only me whose blood pressure will be raised by it. I don’t get offended by being called ‘mum’ and I don’t get offended by being called ‘Mrs dc’s surname’ (as it happens I’m not Mrs and don’t have the same surname as my ds. Life’s too short to get upset by stuff like this (imo).

AndromedaPerseus · 08/12/2018 23:56

If I had a sensible number of patients on my nhs caseload rather than an massive and unmanageable one then I might have the time and memory space to find out and remember what everyone’s names/ titles are and not just those of my patients.

Catra · 09/12/2018 00:03

@KatKit16 I don't have a son, I have a daughter. She's only alive today because I spotted that her entire bowel had wormed its way thought of a wound in her abdomen, something this nurse had failed to notice despite having a duty of care towards her. Yes, nurses work long hours. I don't know how much experience you have of neonatal units, but parents put in pretty long hours too, especially when they fear going to sleep because inevitably they're woken in the middle of the night by phone calls telling them to prepare for the worst - this happened to us more times than I can count and yes, in my sleep deprived state this nurse not even bothering to remember my name was the straw that broke the camel's back.

al2002 · 09/12/2018 00:04

IME when most normal parents observe that the HCP or teacher is entirely focused on their child's well-being; said parents don't usually give a stuff if they're addressed to as Mum/Dad.
Mind you there are a small group of parents who think they're the centre of attention rather than their child - the actual patient.Confused

user1483390742 · 09/12/2018 00:08

Lots of children have different surnames to their mums - it's a non- offensive word!

yossell · 09/12/2018 06:24

I get called Dad at the doctor's and at school. It does feel a bit awkward, true, but I've never dreamed of worrying about it.

Toddlerteaplease · 09/12/2018 06:37

I always call my patients parents mum or dad. I don't have time to learn all the names. Also referring to anyone as Miss/Mrs is a minefield!

Dimsumlosesum · 09/12/2018 06:44

Some people rage at being called "Mrs" etc. Safer to just say "mum" if they don't know who your kid is/what your surname is.

KatKit16 · 09/12/2018 07:08

@Catra that sound absolutely horrific. I really hope you're all through it now Thanks
(I did correct it to daughter).

daisychain01 · 09/12/2018 07:22

It's lazy and demeaning. If you want to build rapport the quickest way I find is to spend a nano second asking the person for their name "may I call you xxx (DC last name)?" so you can give them an identity. And note the name on file so it can be referred to quickly.

Runningishard · 09/12/2018 07:27

I’ve only ever had it in a medical setting and said in front of my child where he is the patient is quite comforting for him I think. I’d rather medics and teachers spend their time doing what they do rather than fretting over what to call me

Micke · 09/12/2018 08:29

If we're in hospital, and my child is the patient, I couldn't care less about being called 'mum' (and yes, dp was called 'dad') - because it was about my child, not me.

If we're at the dentist, and the dentist is talking to my child, I'm fine with being called mum (and dp dad) because they're using the name that my child uses for me.

If someone is talking to me, in my capacity of being me - even if it's about my child, then they should use my name - so my child's teacher should know my name (don't care if first or surname - which is different from one child, and the same as another).

If it's another teacher at the school, then they'd normally say 'oh, you're little Micke's mum? I'm Ms Something' and I will naturally respond with my name, and we're all good. (they might forget in future, as might I, but they can ask me or my child and that's fine too)

I think these are reasonable and polite guidelines, and what I follow with my kid's friend's parents too.

tillytrotter1 · 09/12/2018 08:35

You think that's bad? I used to get called Mum when some pupil was not thinking, Not on your life, was my usual response to some acned 15 year old boy. Their friends used to tease them mercilessly, I suppose that's been up-graded to 'bullying' in today's lexicon and I would be expected to complete a 20 page report!

RebelWitchFace · 09/12/2018 08:46

@tillytrotter1 i can top that. I was called Dad by one the kids. Grin

MyOtherProfile · 09/12/2018 08:53

Perhaps I should call them 'teach' as in just one of many
The difference there is that you are being deliberately disrespectful. Teacher would be fine - I get it all the time. Teach less so.

You really can't please everyone. If you're offended at being called mum I really think YABU.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 09/12/2018 09:32

Slightly different, but both my elderly mother (she had dementia) and I used to hate it when professionals, when speaking about her to me, referred to her as 'Mum' when she was right there. Not even your mum or 'your mother' Despite her dementia she found it patronising and demeaning, and to me - maybe they thought it was cosy and friendly - but to me it came across as disrespectful.

It didn't help that we'd never called her Mum anyway (she always thought it sounded fat!) not that they were to know that.

Winlinbin · 09/12/2018 09:49

I actually quite like it. It reinforces that in that particular transaction my DC is the student/patient/whatever and I am just there in the supporting role of Mum. At those times my name/status etc are not relevant to the professional, their focus is on my child not me.

Mistlewoeandwhine · 09/12/2018 09:53

Why can’t we go back to the days when strangers called us ‘madam’. I’d like that.

Hohocabbage · 09/12/2018 09:57

I was called madam 5 times by the young checkout man at Tesco’s this week. Left feeling very respected, but also about 103! (Which in his eyes I am I suppose)

Eminybob · 09/12/2018 10:13

Being called mum in those types of settings doesn’t bother me at all. I would rather the HCP/teacher focuses on my dc rather than learning my name. And I’ve heard plenty calling dh dad.

Although a nurse at the hospital kept calling me mummy the other day which I did think was a bit weird/unnecessary. It wasn’t even as if it was for the baby’s benefit, he’s only 2 weeks old!

NataliaOsipova · 09/12/2018 10:19

Why can’t we go back to the days when strangers called us ‘madam’. I’d like that.

I have been “Ma’am”-ed several times recently. My DH finds it absolutely hilarious, but I think I could get used to it....

I hate the “Mum” thing too. It’s twee and cringe making and, yes, a bit patronising. Yes, teachers/doctors etc don’t have time to look up and memorise thousands of names. But in that moment? “Lucy’s Mum - sorry I don’t know your name?” Surely they can retain that information and use your name for the length of the time they are speaking to you, even if they have to ask again next time.