Being called mum

[sizzledrizz]

I am often called this by those who work with my children: teachers, doctors, clinic staff etc.
I can understand if they are not familiar with my child and don't know dc's name, but it irks me when they could at least call me Mrs DC surname. I sometimes tell them my name, but they still insist on calling me mum.
The final nail has been that when my DC's father goes to collect them from school, a lot less than me, no teacher ever calls him 'dad'
Why is that?
Pisses me off

I have 180 children on my caseload I really cant remember all the names of their mums and dads but I know the dcs names I usually say mum and dad when addressing parents. No one has complained yet; I’m fine with others who teach/ look after my dcs mum because it’s about my dcs not me and I like the fact I’m a mum and being addressed as such

So, Andromeda assuming you are a highly qualified post graduate professional, are you saying then you don't know how to properly use language and to refer to John's mum or mummy? That you do not view parents as equal partners within a professional and mutually respectful relationship? Enough forms are completed for the names of parents to be crystal clear and presumably at the front of paperwork? It never fails to amaze me that the NHS spends millions on E&D, making adjustments for every minority but remains incapable of affording the rump that makes up the majority equal respect and equality.

No teacher of my children ever referred to me as "mum" it was always "Jack's mum" "your mum" or Mrs Roses because they were invariable Miss, Mrs or Mr Jones and bever ever presumed they could use my first name.

Firstly, teachers at secondary never get called by their name, only Miss or Sir. Secondly, I think it shows a complete lack of understanding of how incredibly busy and impossible it would be to remember all the potential surnames of dads, mums, grandparents etc It is not in the least disrespectful. I would prefer my children's teachers to concentrate on their teaching and not trying to remember my name.

Oh the roses, there are admin assistants who deal with all the admin, so unlikely that teachers see the parents' names that often.

I'm a nursery teacher, I agree with maryH90.
Another point to ad, if you are with your child and they are still young to them your name is mum, addressing you as mum when you are with them will make sense to them.
and its a minefield getting adults titles and prepared names right all the time

When they're talking to the child, saying things like "Your mum has come to pick you up", etc. would be reasonable.

But then they'd also do that for the dad, right?

Sounds to me like it is a misogyny problem.

(I wonder how they do it, though. Adressing someone as "mum" while directly speaking to them seems utterly bizarre. The closest thing to it I can imagine is saying "Oh, you must be [child name]'s mother!" when first meeting someone. But you wouldn't continue calling a person that.)

You are being completely ridiculous. For fear of offending, It is common to refer to a child's mother as mum or dad. Very often the mother has a different surname and the teacher has no way of knowing this.

I am meaning as Hestia has suggested. I would never call a parent mum directly only in reference 'Your mum has come to pick you up' or 'Go and ask mum/dad'

It doesn't bother me at all. I have never thought too deeply about it. I am a mum and proud to be so it doesn't worry me at all if my children's teacher calls me "mum" or so and so's mum, they usually call me Mrs xxx. I have far more to worry about than that frankly, so don't need to add to it by worrying about things like this.

@Echobelly in a medical situation I would speak to the child.

"you come with me and your Mum can wait there"

Or "do you and your mum want to have a seat on that chair/ those chairs"

Using just Mum is really sloppy imo.

It is quite common OP

It pisses me off too!

Hate being referred to as Mrs Abusive-Ex-Husband’s-Surname.

It is irritating to be called just Mum but I can see how much easier it makes the day for HCP so I just go with it

I've been to many meetings where the family members introduce themselves as "Mum", "Dad", "Nan" rather than "Tom's Mum" or "Sarah" etc. so although you dislike it, not everyone is unhappy with this.

If I don't know what their preferred name is (and for some people, this means their preferred name this week), then the balance of probabilities is that "Mum" is likely to be less offensive to most people than "Miss/Ms/Mrs Child's surname" if it's wrong. It also clarifies that I'm talking to the parent and not a Grandmother or Auntie who has the same surname.

I'm a teacher; if you can't or don't wish to remember my name, it's fine to call me "Miss".

Oh dear. Life is too short to get worked up about stuff like this imo. I like being referred to as Little Nut's mum. I've only got a short time to be addressed as 'Little Nut's mum'. I've got the rest of my life to be Mrs Nut or Festive. I really don't mind.

X’s mum is fine oth

Just Mum is a bit off but no big deal

I wouldn't mind if staff called the head or the consultant: "head" "doc" "lovey". Oddly nobody does and neither do they use their first names.

It's a professional relationship, therefore do not refer to me as a chum, when you don't refer to others in a chummy way. And when I politely introduce myself as Mrs Roses don't be so fucking rude ad to roll your eyes. It merely confers that you are unprofessional and have no manners whatsoever. I am not your subordinate and I am not your boss's subordinate so treat me and address me as an equal stakeholder. If you think you are professional, behave like a well mannered one.

As you were.

My DS has been at school for six years, and it amazes me that his teachers-past and present-recognise me and stop to ask how he is doing. They always remember his name and they recognise my face. I think that is frankly incredible - he's a pretty easy kid, so it's not like I'm up at the school often.

I would never expect them to know my name! I'd be a bit hacked off (as an older mum) if they called me Gran though

I think this is pretty common when speaking to/in the presence of young children.

Mum is a very common term especially with medical staff, you are the childs mum so what is the issue? No doubt you would be offended if they called you Mrs Smith and you want Miss or Ms, there are much more serious things to be offended by!

My DC are called Mary and Jack Roses. I wear a wedding ring and attend things with my husband. It isn't a massive intellectual leap to deduce we are called Mr and Mrs Roses, especially when it's also written on the first page of the notes.

It's a mysogynistic and reductive power game, especially when I introduce myself and it's ignored.

It is indeed a common term amongst medical staff. Perhaps if they had more class, they'd have more manners. It is lazy and ignorant, especially when preferences are ignored. How would medical staff feel if I called then "you woman" or "my man". Not happy I imagine

I’m a TA between two classes, are you saying I’m expected to learn all 60 children’s last names, never mind the fact you may go by another name. Also I do address dad’s as dad.

No, has never been the same issue in schools.

My child has DH's last name and while I wear a wedding ring as I am married to DH, I do not use their last name and I get tired of being called Mrs DH/DS when I am not. I also work in education so I perfectly understand why it's safer to say mum or dad rather than make assumptions about someone's name.

And yes, DH has been referred to as dad by the school.