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Original poster

DS is constantly grabbing bottoms

275 replies

TheVeryHungryDieter · 21/10/2018 12:29

Because bottoms are, obviously, hilarious. 

He keeps smacking, patting and grabbing bottoms, pulling pants down to see underwear, grabbing at willies, trying to take pictures of bottoms when he manages to get DH's phone.

He does it to DH, friends at school, his 3yo sister

OP posts:
Original poster
TheVeryHungryDieter · 21/10/2018 12:30

Aaargh posted too soon!

And is constant exposing his own bottom and wiggling it. He's 6.

I cannot get him to stop! Any tips? I tell him off every single time, we've explained keeping our hands to ourselves etc etc

OP posts:
WrongKindOfFace · 21/10/2018 12:32

Presumably you’ve lost your shit about it and doled out appropriate consequences?

WrongKindOfFace · 21/10/2018 12:35

I don’t think a telling off is sufficient. He’s old enough to know it’s unacceptable and that he cannot do it under any circumstances.

Presumably he loses privileges for this type of behaviour?

strawberrypenguin · 21/10/2018 12:36

At 6 it's hugely inappropriate. You need to get harsh about the consequences. It's going to get him in serious trouble soon if you don't make him stop.

Original poster
TheVeryHungryDieter · 21/10/2018 12:36

What can I do? I feel like I'm constantly losing my shit about it!!

I work, he's at school, it's hard to enforce consequences when e.g. we are at granny's for half term and he's doing it to his cousin but is still getting treats and play date and toys because DH and granny will not see him deprived for a bit of bottom grabbing.

He doesn't do it to me, funnily enough, but he will not keep his hands off his poor little sister who unsurprisingly hates being constantly prodded and squeezed and grabbed. He was even doing it to her in the fucking airport queues on Friday - at one point I was holding both his wrists to stop him getting at her. Can't even take the screen (tablet) off him then because I need it to get through the flight to granny's.

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 21/10/2018 12:37

He’s 6. Tell him, and tell him straight. And be very harsh with the consequences.

ShalomJackie · 21/10/2018 12:37

He needs to be removed from the situation immediately. If you are out you will have to bite the bullet and take him home. It is entirely inappropriate and there need to be harsher consequences than you telling him off if he is ignoring you.

MoMandaS · 21/10/2018 12:37

Tell him it's against the law.

PotteringAlong · 21/10/2018 12:38

Talk to your DH and granny. He needs to be deprived.

Original poster
TheVeryHungryDieter · 21/10/2018 12:38

Actually I think you're right - I need to get harsher on the consequences. It makes me so angry I've been reacting in anger, shouting and slapping his hands away and grabbing him to make him stop. Need to think of something serious and longer term.

OP posts:
WrongKindOfFace · 21/10/2018 12:41

Yes you can take the screen off him. If he makes a fuss so fucking what. A bit of boredom might make them think about his actions.

You can Say he has to earn treats by good behaviour.

Don’t slap and grab at him. You’re giving mixed messages about physical contact.

dancemom · 21/10/2018 12:42

Definitely get serious, if he does this at school there could be serious consequences

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 21/10/2018 12:42

Remember any attention is positive attention for young kids, so shouting and holding his hands etc probably won't get the results you want. I'd go very quiet and calm. One warning and then he is taken home, or taken to his room. Deprive him of attention so it isn't fun to wind mummy up anymore. You're right to take it seriously though.

Original poster
TheVeryHungryDieter · 21/10/2018 12:42

DH just kind of sighs and says not to make a big deal of it and he'll get bored and grow out of it. He's bright in many ways but extremely stubborn and it feels to me that this is the hill DS will die on.

But I hate hate HATE seeing him molesting his friends and making them uncomfortable swatting his hands away from their privates because he thinks it's hilarious and the cheeky taboo is even more hilarious.

We did the PANTS training but all that seems to have accomplished is that he will now only get changed behind a towel at swimming.

It's against the law, big kids can go to prison etc etc doesn't have any effect.

OP posts:
LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 21/10/2018 12:43

And tbf @WrongKindOfFace is right, you are sending mixed messages about bodily contact.

GreenLantern53 · 21/10/2018 12:45

hasnt the school pulled you up on it?? my son went through a phase at 5 of pulling his pants down at school and i was called in to talk about it. was mortified!

Original poster
TheVeryHungryDieter · 21/10/2018 12:46

No, nothing from school. He's just gone into year 1 so he's a young 6.

OP posts:
ZeroFuchsGiven · 21/10/2018 12:48

Have you asked him why he does it? Id be concerned tbf if its as bad as you say, has he learnt this behaviour from someone else? Seem s strange he sees it as a 'game'.

EvaHarknessRose · 21/10/2018 12:49

You need to get dh and granny to follow the same rules. Each time he does it I would raise his hand above his head and take him to time out without any words, go and do something fun with the other child, and then he apologises before he comes out of time out. Point out to granny and dh that he will start to get detentions and meetings at school if it continues because there will be complaints, not to mention that people will wonder what his home life is like (obvs I don’t think this, but other adults will, and it might be a sobering thought for dh).

Laureline · 21/10/2018 12:50

Your DH needs to step up also. If he is tolerating it, then what kind of message is DS getting? DS is also learning not to take mummy seriously - not good.

minniebow · 21/10/2018 12:52

Sorry if it seems to be the response to most threads about children's behaviour but I experienced this from one of my classmates in primary. He would chase all the girls and boys and try and touch and kiss everyone. It wasn't pleasant for us at age 7 and should have been dealt with better. He was later found to be struggling with some type of autism which would explain lack of boundaries/understanding. Has he shown any other signs?

GreenTulips · 21/10/2018 12:52

Sorry but he obviously loves the additional attention this brings albeit negative attention

You need to get more serious

If he does it at school the parents will be in and kids will be told to avoid your DS

Yes take his tablet
Goes to his room
Get ignored

Anything he values you need to use to make him stop

I would be horrified if he did this to one of my daughters

RandomMess · 21/10/2018 12:53

I would explain to DH that this is so inappropriate that if it happens at school it will be report as a safeguarding issue and social services will be on your doorstep...

legalseagull · 21/10/2018 12:54

I'd call my local police station and ask if a pcso could have a word with him. Telling him it's wrong and against the law might have more impact from a uniformed officer, and you know they would be nice about it

MNHQ
LilyMumsnet · 21/10/2018 12:54

We're moving this to chat at the OP's request.