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Original poster

DS is constantly grabbing bottoms

275 replies

TheVeryHungryDieter · 21/10/2018 12:29

Because bottoms are, obviously, hilarious. 

He keeps smacking, patting and grabbing bottoms, pulling pants down to see underwear, grabbing at willies, trying to take pictures of bottoms when he manages to get DH's phone.

He does it to DH, friends at school, his 3yo sister

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 21/10/2018 13:51

He was taking up skirting pics of his little sister???

Op this is seriously fucked up and has clearly being going on for awhile. You need to put a stop to it. You are the parents. He is six. He understands full well.

Serious consequences the next time he does it. Because if this goes on much longer you will have social services at your door.

Cherries101 · 21/10/2018 13:54

I think it might make more impact to shower your dd with affection and do special things with her and if DS asks why he can’t get involved then make it clear you won’t spend time with a bottom grabber.

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 21/10/2018 13:55

So, you wouldn't remove the iPad from him because it would have made your life harder during a plane journey? 

Thenewdoctor · 21/10/2018 13:55

Why has he got access to screens and phones which have cameras after him doing that?

UseditUpandWoreitOut · 21/10/2018 13:57

OP A couple of previous posters have suggested you do the same to your son.
Can I just say that to do that would be abuse, please do not do it.
And please take this problem more seriously.
Your updates suggest you are not taking it as seriously as you should.
You must find a way to stop this behavior.
You must find a way to protect your daughter and also your son, you will find your family in a shitload of trouble if you don't.

LadyBaneGrey · 21/10/2018 13:57

You do realise kids have been flying on planes long before iPads existed OP? Hmm

Original poster
TheVeryHungryDieter · 21/10/2018 13:58

OhDear, not my life, but the other passengers on the plane. I want his hands busy, his mouth shut and his bum firmly in the seat on our flight.

OP posts:
SubtitlesOn · 21/10/2018 13:59

Buy your DD dungarees that she wears every day and a large version of a baby grow/onesie for bedtime so that she never is exposed to his behaviour

Seriously you and DH need to get on same page and start parenting him together

Ask SS for help yourself if you both together can't cope with him

He has learnt this behaviour from somewhere - seriously up skirting at 6 years old

Original poster
TheVeryHungryDieter · 21/10/2018 13:59

@ftfoawygtfosm he hasn't got access to DH's phone or my phone since. He can't take pictures on his tablet.

OP posts:
Petitepamplemousse · 21/10/2018 14:00

OP, don’t listen to idiotic posters who have suggested doing the same to your son or being physical in ANY way.
Just be stricter with him and get this nipped in the bud immediately. No need for abusive parenting as some parents have suggested Hmm

Quartz2208 · 21/10/2018 14:01

Depriving screen time just isnt going to cut it. That is part of the issue I dont think even you have truly grasped how bad this is

You and your DH need to be on board about how serious this is - he is invading other people personal space and boundaries - your DH finding it funny and ok when it is him is part of the issue. At some point he thought it was funny it isnt.

Your poor poor DD who is constantly having to protect her private and personal space

Original poster
TheVeryHungryDieter · 21/10/2018 14:03

I am posting here because I am utterly fed up, furious, and at the end of my rope.

So I might not be taking it "seriously enough" for you but I am so close to the end of my tether I am honestly scared I'll break his fingers next time I catch him at it. Which is an awful thing to say about a cheeky 6 year old but I don't think I can convince you how upsetting I find this if you're not convinced by the fact that I'm exposing myself to the wrath of Mumsnet in desperate need of help.

OP posts:
Thenewdoctor · 21/10/2018 14:04

Well, the answer most certainly is not to buy special clothes for the abused child so he can’t get to her. How is that going to teach him anything?

I can’t believe you are still letting him have screens and that your DH doesn’t realise how serious this is.

He has to stop. Today. Or you are going to have social services involvement. You must realise this?

ZeroFuchsGiven · 21/10/2018 14:05

You havnt answered the question I asked earlier op. Have you asked him why he does this?

Are you not concerned where he has learned this behaviour from?

Thenewdoctor · 21/10/2018 14:07

I wouldn’t allow TV or cheeky cartoons of any type. At all.

I’d strip his room out so that when he was there it was boring. And sleep. Only that.

Plenty of exercise.

And every. Single time. He touched ANYONE In an inappropriate way. Remove and really really stern ticking off. If you can’t put him to his room put him in the car in his car seat with child locks on and sit there in silence.

I’d also tell his teacher in front of him. And tell her/him that you want to know every single time he touches anyone at school.

Raven88 · 21/10/2018 14:08

Maybe you could take DS to a child psychologist who might be able to help him. What's going to happen when he is older? I would take to the GP about it.

missyB1 · 21/10/2018 14:08

I work in a school, we would be raising a safeguarding concern about your ds if he was doing this at school.
Your dh might take it more seriously when ss come knocking...

Thenewdoctor · 21/10/2018 14:09

That’s actually a good idea To take him to the GP.

I hate to ask but it seems so extreme, do you think he might have been abused himself op?

Original poster
TheVeryHungryDieter · 21/10/2018 14:11

I know exactly where he's got it from. This hasn't been a sudden thing. Cartoons. Minions (Silas Ramsbottom joke - we had sniggering about bottoms for a full year after that, there was a suddenly naked minion scene etc). Spongebob has a scene where a flap in his shorts flops open showing his bum. Other boys who also think bottoms are hilarious. Calling everyone a bumbum-head.

It's just snowballed to grabbing.

OP posts:
aidelmaidel · 21/10/2018 14:11

"Grow out of it"?! That's a good one. Your DH is off with the fairies if he thinks there's some magic age at which boys learn to stop grabbing people by the pussy. So to speak.

I know the police are super busy but it might be a nice break for one of them to have a strong chat with your DS--better than filing anyway. Can't hurt to call your local station and ask.

But really your DH is being a twat so maybe getting the school's safeguarding person on your side to talk DH round would be a good thing too.

Thenewdoctor · 21/10/2018 14:12

you Need to stop the cartoons.

donajimena · 21/10/2018 14:12

I think you need professional help.

SubtitlesOn · 21/10/2018 14:13

I know buying her DD dungarees and onesie isn't the only answer but it will at least protect her from her abusive older bigger brother from having the opportunity to pull her pants/trousers down or lift her dress

I am trying to think of something the op can do to help protect her DD

Her DH must realise that he must take responsibility for protecting his DD

And do something - taking all screen time and sweets away from him at the very least

When you get back home ask SS for help

tobee · 21/10/2018 14:14

Surely doing the same back is sending very mixed messages? Isn't that like hitting a child who hits?

Also, he might find it fun to have his pants pulled down and not be humiliated.

I would silently and firmly take his privileges away, put in time out/go home immediately, keep the privileges away for several days. Tell him after the initial punishment that why it's not acceptable behaviour, when things are calmer. Check he's properly understood.

If he still doesn't get it you might need professional advice.

GreenLantern53 · 21/10/2018 14:14

I do agree though op, this happens alot in cartoons, thats where my son picked it up from, he started watching something called monster school, though its in various cartoons. but after a chat with me and the school it was nipped in the bud.

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