DS is constantly grabbing bottoms

[TheVeryHungryDieter]

Because bottoms are, obviously, hilarious. 

He keeps smacking, patting and grabbing bottoms, pulling pants down to see underwear, grabbing at willies, trying to take pictures of bottoms when he manages to get DH's phone.

He does it to DH, friends at school, his 3yo sister

does he do it at school then? im finding it hard to believe the school hasnt said anything otherwise??

You need to talk to school about a united front strategy. And make Dad come. So he can explain to them how this is no big deal.

Thanks, Lily.

DH and I are at odds when it comes to parenting - DH is very pro "distract and change activity" which I think is fine for toddlers but you need to say No to 6yos! I am much harsher and can handle it solo but if DH and I are together DS will always run to daddy because mummy is mean. He's right, I am. DH hates a fight so will always give in. He doesn't like the bottom obsession, but won't do anything about it. So I am dealing with being undermined. DH hates when I say "no screen time" because that makes his life harder, and honestly he won't do it.

Granny (my much-adored wonderful MIL) has dementia, we are only here for two days and we have to fly to visit her so I don't think she'll be dragged into any parenting tbh.

That's a good idea. I'm next at the school on Wednesday week, I'll have a word with his teacher then.

Your DH needs to get on board with stopping this. I would absolutely take his tablet away. Sit with DS and DH and make some 'family rules' and consequences for breaking them.

If nothing else you need to protect your DD from this.

You’re going to end up being referred to SS, if someone reports your child for doing this to their child. I’d have been furious if my wee lass had this done to her at primary school. Your husband and mil need to wise the fuck up.

You have a DH issue. You and DH need to sit down without the kids and dicuss how to deal with this and be on the same page. It is absolutely not acceptable for your DH to continue to allow your DS to have fun at the expense of your DD body autonomy.

Ask your DH why he think it is acceptable to teach his DD that a man touch her body when she does not want it happen.

I honestly think this will end up in an ss referral aswell. i know someone who was reported by the school for similar inappropriare behaviour by their child.

DH hates when I say "no screen time" because that makes his life harder

That makes your husband sound selfish and lazy. He’s not a softer parent that you, OP, just a lazy gut that takes the soft way out of parenting. You are actually the GOOD parent, because you’re trying to teach your son appropriate behaviour and protect your poor wee daughter. I can’t believe your husband is willing to ignore the fact that your son is bullying his 3yr old sister. He’s disgusting.

I'd rather it now at age 6 than at age 16 tbh.

Nothing gives me white hot rage like seeing poor DD trying to get away from him. I way overreact in the moment and that makes me less impactful I think. I am just not getting through to him.

He's a good kid honestly, he's very loving and will share everything and he's sweet, if cheeky - but he CANNOT grasp that bottoms are off limits.

Wait a minute. So your DH is practically teaching DD that if someone molests her everyone should ignore it till the perpetrator gets bored? I'd have a massive problem with his thinking.

We'll pick up your DD and remove her from the situation giving her lots of attention - ignore DS - do not speak to him - silence can be very powerful

When things are clam - speak to your DS quietly 'I'm not happy you are grabby her and taking her pants down, I'm taking X and you are going to your room' walk him there and leave - go have fun with DD so he knows he's missing out

Keep doing the same thing over and over again

Praise him when you notice him being kind

I’d be wanting to kmywhat triggered this behaviour tbh.

If he’s doing it constantly you need to be watching him all the time and take him away instantly. Grab his hand. Firmly. And March him out if the room and give a STERN ticking off. And take him home. Or out to the car for a set length of time.

I actually think your husbands attitude of "won't see him deprived for a bit of bottom grabbing" is seriously messed up. It's exactly that kind of thinking which leads judges to rule leniently in sexual assault cases because the poor man mustn't have his bright bright future ruined over a "bit of fun" that went wrong. Your DS could grow up to have some seriously nasty and dangerous attitude towards women and consent at this rate, and it seems like your DH might have a bit of this attitude himself. Dismissing it as "a bit of bottom grabbing" is a really horrible way of minimising what will, in a few short years, be considered sexual assault if your DS doesn't stop. Normalising and minimising this behaviour in his early years could have really serious consequences for his future. Definitely time for some much harsher consequences for your DS and a few very strong words with your DH.

Also what explodingkitten said.

Maybe a serious chat with DS and promise of something IF he doesn’t do it. Incentive rather than punishment? Might that approach work better with DH?

What does he love most in the whole world?

He’s 6.

If you grab bums or willies again I will take away x and you WILL not get it back until you go a week without touching ANYONE where you know you shouldn’t. And I’ll be asking in school

And do it and mean it.

I would be very upset if he did it to my child. Your DH is wrong, you son is too old for your Dh's "he will get bored" thinking!

@legalseagull - don’t you think the police have enough to do without telling off six year olds? Have parents really become so incapable of managing their own children?

OP, strict consequence of time out every time and loss of privileges. It’s disgraceful behaviour from a six year old - I thought you were going to say he was three!

I would try an immediate time out every time it happens. I wouldn't go for longer term consequences at this age. Go super nanny on him.

Tell him he would go to prison if this behaviour continues. This is extreme but it's better they learn now.

Your DH needs to realise that this behaviour is a red flag for child abuse. Does he really want to be defending himself in a conversation with a social worker?

If your DH really thinks it is acceptable for your daughter to be constantly sexually assaulted, are you sure there isn't something else going on here that you aren't aware of.

If boredom is a problem for your son, make boredom the result every time he does it. You also need to make it harder for your DH not to support you than to give in to your DS. Make a fuss, remove the iPad, expect him to back you up and get cross when he doesn't.

I would really go apeshit and totally lose itmwith him. But it depends what lose it looks like to you.

I’d be telling him he could do NOTHING AT ALL other than what I was watching. And every time he touches a bum we would be back to me watching him like a hawk. And when mummy has to watch you like this you don’t get to do fun stuff.

And I’d have him stuck in his bedroom on his own a time or two to have a think.

Another way to punish him is to put him into bed early. Like, 6pm.