Kim Woodburn anyone???. Would make an interesting change
Morning my loves, by Christ it's cold this morning isn't it darlings? Hope you've got yourselves all snuggled up in warm coats and scarves before you venture out. And don't forget to squirt a bit of good old fashioned bleach down the lav before you go to work. It will work its magic all day and you will come home to a lovely sparkling pan!
I've taken over from that Chris Evans fellow, you know the one my loves, the one with the ginger hair. Well it's more grey hair now, but it comes to us all my loves, old age and all that. You just have to make the most of it.
I think he's two tomatoes short of a salad leaving this wonderful show, but his loss is my gain. I'm only here for the money really darlings, when you're 76 you don't turn this sort of money down and it's a lot better than scrubbing other people's mucky toilets! Call me 'untalented', but I'm coining it in and there's nothing wrong with that now is there darlings?
First guest of the day is that two-faced maggot Coleen Nolan. I didn't want her on but the producers insisted on it, so I've told them and her 'Don't start on me, because you'll get it back with both barrels. I'm warning you!'
Anyway, time for a little bit of music so here's one of my favourites - the fabulous Matt Monro. Better than Frank Sinatra if you ask me, and of course he was British and a bus conductor. A bit like me you see - from a humble job to superstar. Bless him, ooh he had a voice and a half didn't he?
So here's the lovely Matt with 'Walk Away' which is what I did when I appeared on Loose Women. Enjoy my loves, enjoy!