Get all your shit in one sock

[thenewaveragebear1983]

Just read this expression on another thread- Genius! As in, teenage dd has failed to get all her shit in one sock - (disorganised)

Other current favourites-

Put your pom-poms down (used when people get a bit ranty and over passionate about stuff, stolen from Gwen stefani)

And ‘she looks like the cat’s just crapped in her handbag’ - when people get that sour faced, pissed off look. Also from mumsnet.

So go on, what are your classic expressions? I need a few more for my repertoire!

Face like a bucket of crushed arseholes

“Face like a battered fart”

“She couldn’t see green cheese but her teeth are watering” - to describe someone who always wants what others have

Face like a bulldog licking piss off a thistle is my favourite

Doesn’t know his arse from his elbow that one.

Rough as rocks

"As wrong as raisins" (because raisins, obviously, are just wrong)
"Face like the northern end of a southbound camel"
My dad used to say of a self-important colleague who always dropping references to his military record "he was the only man who ever joined the Army so the world could see him".
When applied to the men in my family, our alternative to "forget your head if it wasn't screwed on" is "good job his balls came in a bag".
Dad also used to say "couldn't pour piss out of a shoe if the instructions were written on the heel", which I was a line he stole from Lyndon B Johnson.

'Better than a slap in the belly with a wet fish'

May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits.

For bonk eyed people: " one eye going down the shops and the other one coming back with the change."

"Well that went down like a turd in a swimming pool"

"Theres no a pound eh you hanging the right way" classic from DP when I remarked I was putting the pork on a bit 😂

I keep good phrases/ sayings on a note in my phone, I've added a few from this thread so thank you!

No idea where this came from but I can relate haha:

"Just been shafted, up the arse, with a rusty fork, on days ending Y. "

Sweating like a pregnant nun.

As mad as a fish in a bush.

Like plaiting fog.

Face like a bulldog licking piss off a thistle.

Face like a bag of grommets.

I've seen more fat on a seagulls lip

You can't educate pork

My dad had some corkers growing up

My friend, instead of saying 'hold your horses', says 'calm your farm'. I love that!

As much use as a chocolate teapot
Face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle
Wouldn’t piss on him if he were on fire
Short arms and deep pockets
You’re the coo’s tail (always last in)

He's that tight he could peel an orange in his pocket.

She could eat an apple through a tennis racquet.

As tight as a duck's arse, and that's watertight.

A face that could stop a clock.

For a flashy dresser- He's got up like a pox doctor's clerk!

For when you're very hungry - I could eat a farmer's arse through a hedge

"useless as tits on a bull" Said to most other people incompetents (in my head of course)
"slow as molasses in January" Said to ds faffers and dawdlers
"we're you born in a barn?" Said to ds people who leave doors open and dishes uncleared

You can't polish a turd but you can roll it in glitter.

Face like they've been set on fire and put out with a shovel

Face like a chewed sweetie
Like a bairn’s arm holding an apple (to describe a well endowed chap)
Like putting a greased octopus in a string bag

My absolute favourite at the moment:
'He could eat himself with a spoon, he could'
(about someone who's a bit too fond of themself)

Like trying to nail a jelly to the ceiling.

A face you'd never tire of punching

Like herding wild cats

Couldn’t organise a piss-up in a brewery
Like pinning jelly to the wall
Like taking coal to Newcastle
Not the sharpest tool in the box
All fur coat and no knickers

"It's better than a kick on the arse with a sharp stick"

"Does the Pope shit in the woods?"

When the answer is a definite yes but you find the phrases "is the Pope Catholic?" and "does a bear shit in the woods?" a bit mainstream, so you combine them 😂😂😂