Get all your shit in one sock

[thenewaveragebear1983]

Just read this expression on another thread- Genius! As in, teenage dd has failed to get all her shit in one sock - (disorganised)

Other current favourites-

Put your pom-poms down (used when people get a bit ranty and over passionate about stuff, stolen from Gwen stefani)

And ‘she looks like the cat’s just crapped in her handbag’ - when people get that sour faced, pissed off look. Also from mumsnet.

So go on, what are your classic expressions? I need a few more for my repertoire!

Sweating like a nun in a dildo field

'A walk like 2 hairs in her arse were tied together' -this is poetry!!!

We plait fog, not smoke, for impossible tasks, and have a different variation on the bulldog theme which is “a face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle”.

Also when ill-willing someone “I hope they step on lego”

Face like a farmer's arse on a frosty morning

She's got straight hair and curly teeth (my grandad on anyone unusual looking)

My favourite is 'like a bulldog chewing a wasp'. It perfectly describes someone who is looking particularly grumpy.

Face like:
a City Bakeries Halloween cake
a welder's bench
a painter's radio
like it's been on fire and put out with a golf shoe

Overheard one of my teenage pupils describing her arch enemy as "a skip wi' eyebrows" 😬

Face like a plasterer's radio is one of my faves.

Couldn't find his arse with both hands and a map is another classic.

My true cockney next door neighbour used to say about the inappropriately dressed woman over the road 'she's got her arse in the oven and her feet in the fridge'.

I like 'short arms, deep pockets' for tight people.

'All gone pear-shaped' is a nice phrase too.

You can't polish a turd, but you can roll it in glitter.

'Whassamatta with you, you got a bone in your leg?' = get off your arse you lazy sod.

She had an arse like two puppies fighting under a blanket
She couldn't find an arse with two hands.
She had a fanny like a badly packed kebab/stab wound in a gorilla's back (rude....sorry 😉)
Sweating like Gerry McCann on 'Cash in the Attic'.

Id rather have a leg off

Who put 20 p in your slot? When someone pipes up unexpectedly

He's no as thick as he's glaikit lookin'

New one in our house after buying a car from a Product Genius at Arnold Clark recently...

Aye, but he's a level three genius.

Used to describe someone who thinks he knows better than you do.

I like-

House is like shit creek/Beirut

Bucket fanny ( took me a while to get that one but it wasn't about me )

Falling over- arse over tit- my favourite!

Thick as pig shit

Best one which is said a million times a day is this " I'm not being funny but...." oh yes you are!

I love (in response to some saying "I beg your pardon")...
You can beg all you like, you're not going to get it!

Yeah- and if your uncle had tits he’d be your Aunty.

Cracks me up every time! Some kind of extrapolation of the monkeys uncle saying.

Someone I used to know would say "I'm not as daft as you look." which I thought was excellent as it was impossible to argue with without seeming ridiculous.

“ She’s no stranger to a fish supper”
“ She’s no better than she ought to be”

Just realised my above suggestion isn't really a classic expression, but I'm also fond of describing a miserable person as looking as though someone's farted in their soup.

I'm not as green as cabbage looking. I'm.still not entirely sure what that actually means!

Face like a smacked arse

Boiled my piss

bay watch crime watch. Is my favourite.

I saw on here the other day;

'turned up to an intellectual gunfight with a butter knife'

Which I thought was funny!

I also like the one about arguing with idiots is like playing chess with a pigeon...knocks all the pieces over, shits on the board and struts about like it's won anyway

"It fits like a glove" "yeah it sticks out in five places"

😁

My family use "face like a bag of bastards" no clue why but originated from hammers lol.

Dh is well known for "I'd rather lick my own arsehole."