Get all your shit in one sock

[thenewaveragebear1983]

Just read this expression on another thread- Genius! As in, teenage dd has failed to get all her shit in one sock - (disorganised)

Other current favourites-

Put your pom-poms down (used when people get a bit ranty and over passionate about stuff, stolen from Gwen stefani)

And ‘she looks like the cat’s just crapped in her handbag’ - when people get that sour faced, pissed off look. Also from mumsnet.

So go on, what are your classic expressions? I need a few more for my repertoire!

I'd sooner stick a rusty compass in my left eye.

Someone can be 'like a cut snake' or 'like a bag of cats' - very cross!

MIL classic for the underdressed: 'that skirts not big enough to dust a fiddle'

Rough as a bears/badgers arse

My nana used to say "God, that woman could argue the hind legs off a donkey!"
My gran used to say, if you asked what was for tea "It's a run around the table, and a bite of the table leg"
I have an unusual family

Someone incompetent " couldn't fit a nut in a monkey's mouth"

Ants in his pants - of a particularly fidgety person.

Like a rat up a drainpipe - of a particularly fast manoevre.

My Grandma's answer when asked what was for tea was "three jumps at the pantry door and a bite on the knob".

My mums favourites are...
"You could talk a glass eye to sleep"
"Sweating like a chubby kid in a cake shop"
"My mouth is dryer than a nuns crotch"
"Tighter than a flys arse"
😂😂

I'm spitting feathers - I'm extremely thirsty

Flatter than a witches tit
Harder than a tramps knacker
Face like a punched lasagna

Like 2 cheeks of the same arse- to describe similar things/situations. I get a great mental pic when I hear this!!!

Current passive aggressive dig in our household is “like a starfish” pretty but no brains or heart.

My dad after being cut up whilst driving in a heavy Glaswegian accent was “wrap yerself round a lamppost and don’t take any other bugger wiv yer” go to hell

As bent as a nine bob note - a dodgy character.

@madja 😂😂 when the kids ask for tea here. It's always hot snot and bogey pie

My dbro on splitting up with a girlfriend " I'm not that bothered really, she had a fanny like a punched lasagne!"
I was and

It's black over Polly's mothers - meaning a storm is coming

Calling kids 'Tilly Mint'

It’s a bees dick ...meaning something very small. & not the full can of coke.

I have another answer to the 'What's for dinner?' question - it's what my dad used to say. He'd tell us it was 'Lob scouse and buttered candlesticks!'

'If brains were dynamite, he couldn't blow his nose' - he's rather dim.

I love all the 'whats for tea' stuff.
But not the snot and bogey pie. That makes me want to heave (not envy)

My mum's reply for what's for tea was "shit wi sugar on"! For something useless _neither use nor bloody ornament.

Reference to American baseball or softball for being very busy with no help from anyone:

"I'm pitchin' and catchin' and takin' up tickets." (You have to drop the final "g" on those words for full effect.

Only mother could love that face
Face like a slapped arse
The sights you see and you don’t have a gun
One going for chips, the othe coming back with the change (cross eyed- my dad said this! )
Thick as pig shite
Who pissed on yer chips?
Low hole (short)

From my Southern (US) BFF;

"Nervous as a tom cat in a room full of rocking chairs"
"Hotter than a hen a-layin'"
"Hotter than a popcorn fart"
"Hornier than a two peckered billy goat"

"That dog (pronounced dawg) won't hunt."

Added to Across's list.

Hey, Seneca! How y'all doin'?

Shall we add "If you wanna run with the big dogs, you can't be layin' on the porch!".