Get all your shit in one sock

[thenewaveragebear1983]

Just read this expression on another thread- Genius! As in, teenage dd has failed to get all her shit in one sock - (disorganised)

Other current favourites-

Put your pom-poms down (used when people get a bit ranty and over passionate about stuff, stolen from Gwen stefani)

And ‘she looks like the cat’s just crapped in her handbag’ - when people get that sour faced, pissed off look. Also from mumsnet.

So go on, what are your classic expressions? I need a few more for my repertoire!

My colleague today said 'she could sell a fireman a hose' Loved it!

A great insult is “there are lots of pricks in this world, but you are a fucking cactus”

Also (might have already been mentioned):

A face like a bulldog licking piss off a thistle.
A face like a slapped arse.

Face like a blind joiner's thumb. Courtesy of an ex-colleague.

‘Couldn’t organise a piss up in a brewery’
‘Eyes like a puppy’s fart hole’ you know when youre so tired your eyes feel puffy and barely open.
And my dad always says when something needs to be moved a fraction (ie fitting our kitchen - ‘a gnats cock’

Some of these are hilarious, I'll be using loads from now on.

Could start an argument in an empty room - about someone who will disagree with everything.

I've seen more life in a tramp's vest - about someone being lazy.

Like trying to knit fog - about an impossible task

As much use as a yow on its back - yow's dialect for ewe, when a sheep's fleece is too wet and it rolls over, it can't get up.

Probably inappropriate now but my dad used to say, “That’s as useless as tits on a bull.”

Useful as a chocolate teapot.

Classic ones from my old job

Smaller than a gnat's tadger
As tight as a duck's arse and that's watertight!
As useful as a mars bar in the oven

... And my bosses' favorite "in the land of the blind the one-eyed man is king"

"Don't just stand there looking like cheese at fourpence" DM's favourite when we dawdled rather than got on with stuff.

Sweating like a Scouser at a job interview.

Of Fenlanders: too many cousins, too few grandparents. Also: fifty thousand people, fifteen faces.

Not the fastest mop in the shop (someone who's not that clever)
As much use as tits on a fish
Does a one legged duck swim in circles (answer is always yes)

Someone with wonky teeth - they could eat an apple through a tennis racquet

This is fun!
Big enough to fill a pram - describing willy size
They're like a dose of thrush - When someone is an irritating cunt
Tight as a gnat's chuff - not generous
Eyes like piss holes in the snow - hangover description

I’ll see your ‘a body like a dropped lasagne” (love it!) and raise you ‘a face like a dropped pie’!

I love the things people can do with the same concept.

Fur coat and nae knickers
Talks a good game
All mouth. No trousers.

All great, all different. When people are proud of being British, top of the pile should be idiom. World class.

This one is from my high school days but I still use it for when someone is going to be extremely upset over something: "He/She is going to shit a plaid rabbit". Another one for the same thing is "Gonna shit a brick and ooze straight through to China".

When you want to let someone know you really don't want to do something: "I'd rather chew glass".

As rough as a badger's arsehole.

As dry as a nun"s cunt.

I’d rather chew glass.

All sizzle, no sausage

Teeth like a burnt out fuse box
If wit was shit you’d stink
About as welcome as a pork pie in a synogogue
Couldn’t stop a pig in a passage

If you keep picking your nose your face will cave in
More front than Brighton
Lift doesn’t go to the top floor

One of my favourites from my grandma and mum is "I don't boil my cabbages twice" generally used when someone refuses an offer of food/help/invite.

Following the cabbage theme I also like "I'm not as green as I'm cabbage looking" - not naive.

A former colleague of mine used to say "there's no "I" in team but there's a "u / you" in cunt". 😃

All your shit in one sock is def military. It’s the only place I ever hear it

Thick as a brick milkshake.