Grandad showering with my son

[hiddenaway]

My son is nearly 7 and the past couple of times he has stayed at his grandads house he has had a shower with him. When I ask my son he says he's not allowed in on his own(not 100% sure why. Son says there are things he shouldn't touch). He also says grandad washes him.

Yes I know it sounds really dodgy but I honestly think it's just grandad being 'laddy' with his grandson and having a laugh but you just never know...

I asked my hubby to tell his dad for it not to happen again and use the excuse we wanted our son to be independent and not need help (our son has been showering on his own anyway for about 6mths now and doesn't need help) but yet again we found out the same had happened. Grandad tends to ignore our wishes with everything anyway.

It's such an awkward situation as however we say it its going to sound accusatory. It would also be awkward him never staying over all of a sudden. However I would be devastated if anything came out in years to come and I never stopped it. Hubby is at a loss too. What would you do?

Being calm about what happened is really not acceptable.

Do not leave your kid with this man. Totally inappropriate.

I used to shower with my DS at 3 or 4, but now at 6, he is too big for both of us to squeeze in the shower - let alone an adult male and a 6 year old. If my DS has a shower now, I supervise from outside the shower stall as he is quite capable of following instructions. There is absolutely no need for his grandfather to actually be in there with him.
You are the parent, your first responsibility lies in protecting your DS, not the feelings of an adult relative. Tell him in very clear terms it stops immediately or no further visits.

Plus, I am interested to hear what your husband had to say about this, as he grew up with this man - did this happen when he was a kid??

theladywiththelamp, OP already asked for it to stop 'or no further visits'. This has been ignored, so at this stage any unsupervised contact HAS to stop, end of story.

I would also not bank too much on help and support from DH. There is a possibility that he was subjected to similar stuff as a child too, and his sense of boundaries may have suffered. In the worst case scenario there may be an undisclosed case of abuse between DH and granddad.

Sorry Glenshee had a boys look, and must have missed that bit. Seems weird that this behaviour only started now, if indeed he is a predator, the presumption would be he has been at it for years, so yes, agree there are possibly underlying issues with DH.
Couldn't agree more, need to stop access asap.

hiddenaway it is possible your son is backtracking because of your natural reaction to the revelation that he had washed his granpa's bits made him feel guilty, embarrassed etc.

Based on this and the other information you have given I would seriously consider not quizzing your son any longer, as he could now start to hide further information. Get a trained professional involved instead.

OP you need to stop questioning your son. He's disclosed something to you which is very serious. You need to report it and allow the professionals, with the relevant expertise, to talk to him and clarify what has happened. You need to do this ASAP. If you don't and your son tells someone else you risk losing him because you will be seen as 'failing to protect' him. It's not your job to investigate.

I agree compleatly with Scottishmummy, and also second the do not question your son stance.

Oh and for what it's worth anyone outside of my actual household who felt the need to shower or bath with any of my children would very quickly find themselves not welcome in their lives.

Hope all is ok OP x