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Original poster

Grandad showering with my son

160 replies

hiddenaway · 22/07/2014 21:53

My son is nearly 7 and the past couple of times he has stayed at his grandads house he has had a shower with him. When I ask my son he says he's not allowed in on his own(not 100% sure why. Son says there are things he shouldn't touch). He also says grandad washes him.

Yes I know it sounds really dodgy but I honestly think it's just grandad being 'laddy' with his grandson and having a laugh but you just never know...

I asked my hubby to tell his dad for it not to happen again and use the excuse we wanted our son to be independent and not need help (our son has been showering on his own anyway for about 6mths now and doesn't need help) but yet again we found out the same had happened. Grandad tends to ignore our wishes with everything anyway.

It's such an awkward situation as however we say it its going to sound accusatory. It would also be awkward him never staying over all of a sudden. However I would be devastated if anything came out in years to come and I never stopped it. Hubby is at a loss too. What would you do?

OP posts:
sunflower49 · 23/07/2014 20:03

I am really not quick to jump to conclusions usually-some things in the news I'm often eye rolling at what's seen as inappropriate, or people being accused of abuse when they're displaying certain behaviors that can be totally innocent.

But in this case, I have a very uneasy feeling about the whole thing.VERY uneasy.

Your son's reaction.
Your FIL's continuing of a behaviour after being asked to stop-he thinks It's okay to shower with your son (when it isn't-he's old enough to wash himself).
He also thinks It's okay to ignore your asking him not to.

I am shuddering. Sorry.

Good luck sorting this out.

BBQsAreSooooOverrated · 23/07/2014 20:04

I think it sounds bad. It could be innocent, but for him to carry on when you've requested he doesn't do it is awfully worrying.

fairgame · 23/07/2014 20:05

This is making me feel sick it's so wrong.

The bit about washing grandad's bits and then backtracking is making me very worried for your DS.

I wouldn't be in the shower naked with DC at that age and i certainly wouldn't dream of them washing my bits!! It's completely inappropriate for his grandad to be doing this.

Fair enough if he was sat in the bathroom supervising but what he is doing is beyond inappropriate.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
picnicbasketcase · 23/07/2014 20:05

I hope it is made up. But what an awful thing to troll about, if it is.

sunflower49 · 23/07/2014 20:06

X post.
I hope It's a troll, too.

mysticpizza · 23/07/2014 20:07

I'm sorry, OP but this is sounding worse by the post.

Betrayedbutsurvived · 23/07/2014 20:07

Shit the bed, I usually keep out of stuff like this but seriously? He said he washed grandpas bits then backtracked? Sounds to me like he's been told not to say anything. Huge, massive, ginormous red flag. If he repeats that at school there will be a whole world of shit hits the fan.

AnyFucker · 23/07/2014 20:09

mystic I am very sorry for your experiences and you have every right to share them, but please do not offer more on this thread

mysticpizza · 23/07/2014 20:15

Thanks, AF Smile

I won't be.

CustardLover · 23/07/2014 20:16

I hope this isn't true. Or if it is, I hope it's just a stubborn, stupid man who is an idiot rather than anything more sinister. That is possible, some people are just thick.

I really hope so.

Ilovenicesoap · 23/07/2014 20:23

Please be careful what you share .
Hope this is not for real
reported

Original poster
hiddenaway · 23/07/2014 20:37

Ok so I've expressed a concern. My ds may have 'washed' bits (if it even happened) due to a 6yr old fascination with all things 'willy' rather than because he was told to. I just don't know. I've spoken to him again tonight and now he says he can't remember whatb

OP posts:
slithytove · 23/07/2014 20:44

I would not be bothered if my parents showered with my son.

I would be bothered if I asked them to stop a certain activity and they disregarded my wishes.

The activity itself - not a red flag. The insistence on continuing it - a red flag.

And yes, I would have thought that a 6 year old is getting to the age of having some independence in a shower.

scottishmummy · 23/07/2014 20:45

Its inappropriate,youre not comfortable with it.dh isn't comfortable
If son talks about this at school,they'll query it too
The narrative account your getting isn't clear,but aspects of it are disturbing

slithytove · 23/07/2014 20:46

Rtft now.

The washing of each other is completely inappropriate. I would expect a 6 year old to be capable of washing himself, even if supervision is needed - and no child should ever be washing someone else.

Major red flag, very worrying, check NSPCC advice on the PANTS campaign to see how to explain to your son.

I would curtail visits for a while regardless tbh.

Original poster
hiddenaway · 23/07/2014 20:48

Yeah its my first post,although not sure what that's got to do with anything, and sadly probably my last now after a few comments,when all I did was come on asking for advice.

I have no idea what really happened I can only go by what my ds said. Who's to say it wasn't just a 6yr old boys fascination with 'willys' rather than a grandad asking. I just don't know which is why i posted. Thanks for all your help to those that did. It was most appreciated.

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 23/07/2014 20:51

Based on what he's said,i wouldn't allow unsupervised contact
Please do stop this immediately. yes wee boys like their own willy,they dont like grandpas
And id tell local authority social workers and/or gp

NickiFury · 23/07/2014 21:01

You are very much UNDER reacting to this. That's what people have a problem with, so much so that people can't believe it, so are doubting you. That should tell you something.

Original poster
hiddenaway · 23/07/2014 21:04

Ok advice then please, what else would you suggest I do other than keep ds away and get Dh to talk to him? Genuine question.

OP posts:
doyouwantfrieswiththat · 23/07/2014 21:05

trust your instinct

if someone doesn't listen when you say no, they are taking away your power in the situation, if grandad is not listening to you as an adult and the parent, how likely is he to listen to your son?

that he is still doing something that makes you uncomfortable despite you asking him not to, should be ringing huge alarm bells with you.

scottishmummy · 23/07/2014 21:09

Reread your own posts op.please
Dont allow any unsupervised contact,please protect both the boys
Local authority have out if hours team,you can call now for advice .google your local council

Links
nspcc

as parent you have to keep the kids safe

scottishmummy · 23/07/2014 21:12

This needs more than a wee chat.look lets face it,if your partner asks his dad.the grandad will deny anything happened...then what

Do not allow unsupervised contact,until it can be established there no risk

You need external advice
Gp
Local authority SW
Look at nspcc link

costababe · 23/07/2014 21:12

I'm sorry but at 6 this child is perfectly capable of having a shower alone, supervised from the bathroom if need be,
Never make the mistake about offending the adult in this situation, if it's all a misunderstanding you will be able to explain your concerns to the adult, you will never be able to undo any damage that may befall the child.

sammy90 · 23/07/2014 21:33

After reading this post, this amazes me that you had to ask this question. Just call 999 that's so wrong on to many levels. Would your husband dare take a shower with his son? But what I think is to ask your husband what really is this about. Did his father do this with him and if so what went on and until what age. He will have to be brave and honest! U can not trust someone like this. What the hell! Please talk to your husband, he must know something. Talk to the grandad and be honest. With your true feels about the situation.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 23/07/2014 21:38

If the grandfather let him wash or touch his genitals then that is a massive concern right there. If my DS was in the bath with me and tried to wash my vagina I wouldn't let him. If it was a child who wasn't mine (well I wouldn't bath with them anyway but just saying) I would be far more concerned if the child tried to wash me. I would put a stop to the shared showering immediately. Because I have sensible boundaries.