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Original poster

Grandad showering with my son

160 replies

hiddenaway · 22/07/2014 21:53

My son is nearly 7 and the past couple of times he has stayed at his grandads house he has had a shower with him. When I ask my son he says he's not allowed in on his own(not 100% sure why. Son says there are things he shouldn't touch). He also says grandad washes him.

Yes I know it sounds really dodgy but I honestly think it's just grandad being 'laddy' with his grandson and having a laugh but you just never know...

I asked my hubby to tell his dad for it not to happen again and use the excuse we wanted our son to be independent and not need help (our son has been showering on his own anyway for about 6mths now and doesn't need help) but yet again we found out the same had happened. Grandad tends to ignore our wishes with everything anyway.

It's such an awkward situation as however we say it its going to sound accusatory. It would also be awkward him never staying over all of a sudden. However I would be devastated if anything came out in years to come and I never stopped it. Hubby is at a loss too. What would you do?

OP posts:
fanjobiscuits · 23/07/2014 23:09

Seriously, how is removal from the whole family become a good idea just from the info on this thread?

scottishmummy · 23/07/2014 23:13

Lets keep this factual,as opposed to hyperbole.its not helpful
Op has been given unilateral advice to contact statutory services
I hope she does so.

id advise no unsupervised contact either until assessment completed

ICanHearYou · 23/07/2014 23:27

fanjo i think you must have missed the 'updates' where the child admitted to washing/having his genitals washed

I think you must have missed the OP's continued suggestion that she would 'talk to the grandfather and go from there'

at no point has the OP taken this seriously enough.

The facts are clear, and disturbing

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Coconutty · 23/07/2014 23:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scottishmummy · 23/07/2014 23:31

Quite simply,no one here can argue what the facts are.we do not know
The professionals will assess,they'll determine what if any intervention required
Lets stick to what we can and should do,which is advise she contact services and report

ICanHearYou · 23/07/2014 23:40

She has written the facts. there is no fucking argument.

scottishmummy · 23/07/2014 23:43

No.she has written the limited account available to her.Thats not factual
Fact is established after robust investigation,not through some mn posts
Police and statutory services theyre responsible for assessment and conclusion.not the mn massive

HilariousInHindsight · 23/07/2014 23:50

I'd not have him there again whatever grandad says.

ICanHearYou · 23/07/2014 23:51

So you are suggesting the OP has made up asking her sons GP not to take showers with him?

In which case why make any suggestions at all?

the FACTS are that this boy has been put in a situation he shouldn't have been put in and needs to be protected NOW by his mother.

Telling her to 'do nothing but call the authorities' is ridiculous because many people WON'T take it that far (sadly)

Telling her to PROTECT her own child NOW and stop him from have unsupervised contact with this GP is absolutely the right course of action.

Quibbling about that is just a waste of bloody time. Protect your children because you are the one person who should be doing that.

ICanHearYou · 23/07/2014 23:52

Quite Hil, it is fucking irrelevant what the GP says, the child has been placed in a vulnerable position and should not be placed in that position again. It is so important. Regardless of what shit he spouts about how 'innocent' it all is or it will never happen again, she needs to protect her children first and foremost. If this was heard by another adult and she had wind of it and failed to protect her children she is liable too.

CustardLover · 23/07/2014 23:55

There is a lot of aggression on this thread now. It's clearly an emotive topic but I don't think hostility or hysteria are helpful. I agree with Scottishmummmy; facts haven't yet been established and although there seems to be potentially worrying circumstances, there still very much could be a non-sinister explanation and I really hope there is. I definitely think there's been a change of tone in recent posts towards the OP which is nasty and seems bullying to me, definitely not supportive anyway.

Op, I hope you do take immediate action and get an outside agency to help, I hope your dh is supportive, I hope it turns out to be nothing more than a grandfather not paying appropriate attention to the wishes of the parents, not thinking things through and stubbornly insisting he knows best (annoying but not necessarily evil and certainly not uncommon) and most of all, I hope you and your ds(s) are ok.

scottishmummy · 23/07/2014 23:56

The responsibility for assessment and intervention is with police and SW
I urge op to report.i recommend no unsupervised contact with both boys
as I've repeatedly said she needs to report,to cease unsupervised contact,and support her children
As for investigating the case ill leave that to the appropriate professionals

nutdust · 24/07/2014 00:07

i wish i hadnt stumbled upon this thread. the OP's lack of panic/concern/fury/distress is chilling and utterly bewildering. i hope this child can be protected. please.

scottishmummy · 24/07/2014 00:09

Op hasnt nearly two and half hours.we don't know what shes currently doing or has done

scottishmummy · 24/07/2014 00:13

Op hasnt been back nearly two and half hours.we don't know what shes currently doing or has done

Glenshee · 24/07/2014 00:16

OP, you need professional help with this - involve SS, police and NSPCC.

Giggling when answering questions is not a good sign in this scenario. I was sexually abused as a child and at first I found it funny/amusing/interesting too. Sad

I suspect the older boy (8y old) is allowed to shower by himself because at 8 years old he no longer finds it funny, what granddad is doing. There is a possibility that granddad has tried approaching 8 year old too, but wasn't successful. You might be able to find out more from your 8 year old but I would try to involve professionals first, so that you have guidance on how to approach things correctly.

What has laready happened is really worrying and I wouldn't ever allow unsupervised contact with this man in the future.

Shift your focus away from trying to establish some kind of understanding with the granddad. This will get you nowhere. Focus on your children, and yourself.

NatashaBee · 24/07/2014 00:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whereisegg · 24/07/2014 00:41

Just another voice begging you to ask for outside help op.

Please protect that little boy, he can't do it himself.

1944girl · 24/07/2014 01:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WeAreAllStarDust · 24/07/2014 01:23

You asked for advice. You've got it, in bucket loads. I hope you follow it.

ICanHearYou · 24/07/2014 05:30

There is no way the OP is going to suddenly jump from 'oh we will have a little chat with him' to 'I'm phoning SS and the police'.

No way.

Recommending she keeps the boy away from the dirty barstard indefinitely is HOPEFULLY going to actually give her something (she feels) is realistic she can do.

I think suggesting the only course of action is the police (which in most peoples minds it would be) is only going to push her further away from actually doing anything about it at all.

OP, it shouldn't matter what he says/doesn't say. He has not respected your wishes, your son has alluded to him possibly being touched inappropriately by this man. That is enough reason to stop unsupervised access immediately.

I would love to be able to say 'seek outside help' and you listen but given your incredibly placid responses on this thread that is unlikely. So please, please I am begging you, don't wait for your husband to 'investigate and decide' and don't wait for anything else. Just stop this boy from spending time alone with this man, it is not worth the risk.

chicklady · 24/07/2014 06:30

You have to be REALLY careful here op, because if anything has happened, your questioning of your son could be seen as leading him & would collapse any case against the grandfather.

My dd is almost 7 & I would be ropeable if either of her grandparents got into the shower with her.

Oblomov · 24/07/2014 07:23

OMG.
This is horrific.
What a drip feed!!!

At first I couldn't see the problem, in that sometimes I, ds1(10) and ds2(5) all shower together - there is enough room in our shower, just, for the three of us.
But then, the fact that granddad had already been asked to stop.
But then, the rest. All the rest.
Good god. The mind boggles.

Oblomov · 24/07/2014 07:28

There does seem to be quite a lot of hysteria here though.
Calm everyone.
Op needs to be calm and to do the right thing.

wotoodoo · 24/07/2014 10:24

CALM? WTF. If my beautiful son had been touched up aka washed by his GRANDFATHER and then been encouraged to wash this dirty old man's dirty old balls and penis I would not want to be encouraging anybody to be CALM ffs