I don’t get overwhelmed with life!? AMA…

[username68]

I have name changed for this. But I read a lot on here about lots of people being overwhelmed with life (which I’m not disputing that they do feel that way) and its demands in general. I just don’t feel this, I never really have tbh. Don’t know why this is so thought I’d do an AMA to see if there’s something about me that lends to this? Don’t know if that makes sense but anyway. So here I am AMA…

You don't get overwhelmed because you've never been overwhelmed. All your challenges have been thrown at you in an orderly fashion, and there has been a support network and money behind you to help you deal with them.

I was bereaved as a child - I lost my dad after a long illness. I was bullied throughout my school years, my classmates seemed to seize on my vulnerability. Looking back I was/am probably on the autistic spectrum (see below) all along. I have been through 2 horrible relationship breakups and am now a single mum to 3 kids with additional needs, ex has minimal involvement. My parents (mum remarried) are increasingly old and can't just take the kids like younger grandparents much as they love them. My situation affects my ability to work and earn so money is tight. Throw in perimenopause and a long term health (autoimmune) condition and yes, I get overwhelmed.

This is really interesting OP. I get wound up by things other people would let go. I think this is my nature - and it's rubbish.

Out of interest, do you have an internal monologue?
Do you have aphantasia?
Do you ever cry while reading a book/watching a film?
Do small things that would annoy others, annoy you (eg people who come into the cinema late, tall people standing in front of you, friends who bring a child or person you don't know to an event with you, dinner being an hour late)?

I think some people are naturally chill but I am interested in whether the mind stuff (monologue/aphanatasia) could have any impact. I reckon you'll have fewer spikes in cortisol so better health in that regard too.

Some people are more naturally sanguine than others.
I don't think this thread is tone deaf or that you're gloating.

Do you follow a faith?

Out of interest, do you have an internal monologue? - yes it never shuts up!! 😅
Do you have aphantasia? Yes I can picture things.
Do you ever cry while reading a book/watching a film? Book no…movie yes!!
Do small things that would annoy others, annoy you (eg people who come into the cinema late, tall people standing in front of you, friends who bring a child or person you don't know to an event with you, dinner being an hour late)? No, I couldn’t let these annoy me, except the dinner thing maybe, cause I love my food 🤣🤣

Do you think having a "can do" attitude has kind of been self fulfilling? You feel like you can handle stuff so then you can...if that makes sense.

I ask because I'm the opposite. Low confidence, low self esteem and a "can't do: attitude. My dad has very low self esteem and his voice is often the voice of my inner monologue.

This leads me to my next question- are either of your parents very confident/have a "can do" attitude?

No I don’t follow a faith, I mean I’m baptised catholic but that’s it. I do believe in a higher power as such though, we cannot be it.

Overhwlmed for us has been times in life it's when we had little bandwidth left or pill related - last time on pill life was easy but got talked into pill again and couldn't cope.

I've also realised our family not a source of support evey pg/birth serious illness they are there to make it worse and add more demands.

We did three huge house moves in about three years - all with issue all while pg or with very young kids - we struggled to get over thrid way more. I think we'd just used up all that coping for a while.

Sometime it's not how well the person copes it's the amount of shit they are shoveling often almost rountinely in the background.

I do know people who make a mountain out of molehills who treat everything a as major diaster that will go wrong - mostly though when people feel ovewelmed it's often extrenal stressors reaching their limits.

We had awful neigbour last house and money worries - and it was a constant mental drain when we moved those issue went and the mental relief was just huge - unbelievable difference. Also changed shcool and the busy school work went as well and even with the support stuff we did at home - we suddenly had so much more time in evening with kids. We were all happier and more relaxed and could cope with minor life niggles so much easier.

I was responsible for managing my father’s entire life when he developed dementia, a few years into that my brother had a major psychiatric breakdown and I had to get him sectioned. Mum died in her 50s, no relatives to help plus 2 kids in primary school. I admit to feeling overwhelmed. Would that have overwhelmed you?

This.

Imagine coming onto a parenting forum offering to advise others on how its amazing you dont get overwhelmed or stressed by life...when you live in such privilege.

The fucking nerve.

So what's the point of your thread?
It should be titled 'I've had a pretty privileged life, AMA'

Well done for not getting overwhelmed by a life that most other people also wouldn't find overwhelming

I really think a lot of how we cope comes down to our brain wiring. I have no kids or DH, I WFH, and I always feel overwhelmed! To be fair, the job is a bit of a nightmare and I feel quite economically exposed, not having a partner, as in, losing my job would be a disaster. But I think people with more resilient brain wiring would be like, "Well, if that happens, I'll just get another job." I've always suffered from anxiety and I think I have undiagnosed ADHD. I did have some adverse childhood experiences as well. Dad was a nightmare, Mum was wonderful, and they stayed together, which really wasn't great for me at certain points. But again, I think people with a different brain set-up, ie much less anxiety and no ADHD, would cope a lot better than me. And that's just biology.

My mum would be very can do…yes. My dad would have elements of self doubt and anxiety (drives my mum crazy!)

I am more like my mum yes!