I don’t get overwhelmed with life!? AMA…

[username68]

I have name changed for this. But I read a lot on here about lots of people being overwhelmed with life (which I’m not disputing that they do feel that way) and its demands in general. I just don’t feel this, I never really have tbh. Don’t know why this is so thought I’d do an AMA to see if there’s something about me that lends to this? Don’t know if that makes sense but anyway. So here I am AMA…

Hmm, okay.

I thought I was pretty resilient until I wasn't. I was made redundant from a stressful long hours job at the same time as my health fell off a cliff and was also dealing with (and had been for a couple of years) all the crazy shit that having a demented parent who lives alone and 25 miles away entails. Since then I have developed more chronic conditions, been unable to work and financially dependent on my husband who has just been through a 10 month redundancy process (thankfully job now safe), noisy neighbours, found out one of the chronic conditions has been misdiagnosed as something else, and been verbally abused by my brother with whom I am supposed to be a co attorney for mum but who is angry, uncooperative and refuses to tell me anything. I'm in constant pain, have been for 4 years and have no confidence that any of my chronic conditions will be resolved.

I mean, if you've dealt with anything like that hats off, and how did you do it? Otherwise it just seems a bit tone deaf.

Having a good childhood will be the main reason you don't get overwhelmed. There's plenty of research out there to say how important early attachments are for building resilience.
What are your skills and personality traits? Someone who is skilled in organisation, good communication skills, has a reasonable IQ, no disability as well as having formed positive early attachments and had their needs met as a child is unlikely to struggle with day to day life.

I didn’t used to get overwhelmed either. I had challenges of course, but just worked through them.
Then my third child was born, and it became apparent early on that he was profoundly autistic. He doesn’t sleep more than 4 hours a night, and as a result I had to quit my job. I spend my days when he’s at school trying to catch up on sleep and battling the LA for adequate provision for him, and the rest of the time providing his 1:1 care.
So I guess my question is, do you realise that everyone’s circumstances are different?

I agree. And I don’t think most of the people are pointing out the hours, more the times of the hours. In our local schools wraparound is 7.30-5, and the ops children are tweens so probably don’t even need it. She has no worries at all. I’ve got a rare day off today and I’m spending it with the kids. I’m thinking about all the people I have and will encounter today. I had a milk delivery that arrived around 4am, farmers don’t work those hours. I needed vegetable oil to cook for later, the staff in the corner shop I went to will be working all Sunday until 10.30pm and then will have to clean/do stock. I’ll be taking the kids bowling later, that closes 9.30pm on a Sunday and presumably they’ll go home a fair while later. And we’ll either treat ourselves to a cheap meal out (deal on in Bella Italia) or a chippy, all will be working late on the weekends too. The majority of day to day people making your lives so easy will be working evenings and weekends. Working 9-5 is just an inane, ingrained saying which isn’t true for most normal people. Especially ones coming home with a 130k salary. And honestly less than 8 hours a day 5 days a week IS easy as fuck. Are you sat at a desk doing this op?

Nobody said anything about finding it tough and nobody disputed that some people work more than 37.5 hours per week, in some cases a lot more. That doesn't stop it being perfectly standard full-time hours.

Well done OP.

I’m learning a lot from this thread. The severe mental health problems and physical disease I’ve had from a young adult age were a mistake. Wish I hadn’t done that now. My physical disease is congenital so I suppose not being born was my only option there and I wasn’t asked, but clearly I should have tried harder somehow and then I could have been like you. Well, obvs I wouldn’t have existed but at least I wouldn’t have been “overwhelmed by life” 🙄

I’m sure every is making notes that they should aim to jointly earn 6 figures, have two healthy parents and a good relationship with them, have a supportive partner, not have a severely disabled child or debilitating disease in the family. All really useful stuff. Thanks! So glad you decided to share with us lesser mortals.

Love to everyone who does face challenges in their life, is sometimes overwhelmed, and carries on and makes a good life for themselves and their family despite these challenges. And to everyone who has a charmed life who recognises how lucky they are and that not everyone else is so fortunate.

I am the same OP - of course things get busy and there is always lots going on but I just find myself unable to relate to the chat my friends have sometimes about the need to constantly have so much "recovery time" from a relatively normal event, or how no one can reply to messages cos they are "so busy" or they don't have "the capacity right now" for a catch up with a cuppa.

Tbh I think a lot of life stress is self inflicted (taking out the obviously out of your hands stuff) and I choose not to engage with a lot of it which helps I think.

Do you want a medal?

Perhaps they just arent that interested in catching up with you?

I have done, thank you.

People are saying that finishing at 4.30 and having every entire weekend off is not standard, not the hours. And given the ages of her children they’re self sufficient at that age. She can can home and do whatever she likes, spend every weekend having lie ins and doing hobbies. It’s not like she’s coming home and is elbows deep changing nappies and sorting bath times

Tbf, I'd find it tough (maybe impossible) to work 37.5 hours/ week. I work 3 days/ week, and often feel overwhelmed, burnt out, exhausted.

@username68 my question is why do you think you're not overwhelmed? Others here (who I agree with) are suggesting it's because your life is pretty easy - why would you be overwhelmed, with a massive income and loving supportive parents and family-friendly working hours and just 2 older kids with no debilitating health issues etc etc?

But I get the impression you don't think that? So I'd be interested to know why you think you're not overwhelmed? E.g. a personal quality like being organised? Or you do lots of exercise and that gives you energy?

If you and those you love are in good health, you have enough money to pay your bills, you are working in a job you're capable of, and no one in your life makes unreasonable demands or fails to pull their weight, there is no reason to feel overwhelmed.
You may not have all of these, but the more you have the more cushioned you'll be against overwhelm.
Does that help you understand why you don't get overwhelmed?

For me (and I imagine for most people who are overwhelmed) it's not about "things get busy and there is always lots going on". It's a lot deeper than that. All else being equal, I have no reason to think I wouldn't also be fine when "things get busy".

Very odd AMA. You seem to think you’ve ’cracked the code’ to coping well and we are just.. weak?

I wouldn’t temp fate by having the stance you cope well with everything. You’ve no idea what others have been/are going through

We have flexi time so we share them and then don’t take a breakfast break.

I too think the OP is getting a hard time. And I can’t believe that the old trope of money = happiness is still being used. I’ve been on both sides of the financial blanket and having more money means I can pay my bills but it doesn’t make things less overwhelming.

Overwhelm for me is to do with emotional processing and the follow on of resilience. Trusting your own judgment, having that inner strength to deal with whatever happens comes from having others model to you how they deal with issues and then when faced with your own events, being supported through them (but not ‘saved’ by parents/carers). I feel having been shown empathy from a very young age will go a long way to that.

I also think that biology may play a part. If you’re not getting enough serotonin you will see things differently to someone who does.

I think nurture as well as nature is behind how humans learn to cope.

I chuckled as well.

Having a decent income makes life so much easier to be chill.

A what???

Sorry, I think this can't be real. A breakfast break? 😂

I do have a lot of energy, and yes I’m highly organised. I just find that I’m very strategic and planning is one of my strengths. I’m very pragmatic about things

I also don't really get overwhelmed with life because:
I had a good childhood and supportive family
I'm in good physical and mental health as are all my family
I'm in a stable long term relationship
We own our home and can afford our bills
We both work entirely or mostly from home
Our kids are tweens and teens

My life is not overwhelming and I have lots of support = therefore, I am not overwhelmed.
There's no secret or life hack involved.

Not sure what you think anyone would gain from an AMA?

We get a breakfast break and lunch break in work…this is a large multinational company. It’s not unheard of.

The secret to not getting overwhelmed in life is just don't have any problems or obstacles 😂

So:
Good income.
Partner.
older children.
flexi work.
parents still alive and working.
suitable home with office.
wrap around care.
Average social working hours.

your daily life is hardly crazy? How incredible out of touch are you?

you’re talking to some people here whose circumstance are this:

single parents.
minimum wage.
ill children.
ill parents.
long commutes.
unsocial hours.
nonsupport.
struggling themselves.

are you absolutely blind to the fact that you actually lead an incredibly privileged life???? Not money. CIRCUMSTANCE?????