I don’t get overwhelmed with life!? AMA…

[username68]

I have name changed for this. But I read a lot on here about lots of people being overwhelmed with life (which I’m not disputing that they do feel that way) and its demands in general. I just don’t feel this, I never really have tbh. Don’t know why this is so thought I’d do an AMA to see if there’s something about me that lends to this? Don’t know if that makes sense but anyway. So here I am AMA…

Maybe money, health, a roof over her head, a partner in a stable relationship, parents happy and healthy and on hand to help, 2 older children, and lots of spare time= happiness?

Lots of energetic, pragmatic and organised.

try being a neurodivergent single mother with MS???

Sorry, what is a breakfast break? I’ve never heard of this in my life

No they don’t support me financially. It’s the other way round really tbh.

I disagree. I don’t get overwhelmed either, never have, but I’ve certainly got struggles.

My Dh gets a breakfast break. I’d never heard of it before either but he’s been getting them for thirty odd years so it’s not a new thing.

If one of your DC is potentially ND is it possible you are too?

You are young and have not really faced any of life's really difficult challenges. It's not rocket science. You will realise one day what I men.

Assume breakfast breaks exist if you have early starts

There’s also a danger on this thread of reading OPs posts and saying, ”You’ve got nothing to worry about!” - there will be others who have similar to OP but find life overwhelming. Rich people with blessed lives are still at risk of mental health issues.

On paper my life is similar to OPs but I’ve been in therapy for years as well as meds to cope. What OP is asking is valid - why does she cope and I don’t?

It's unheard of among the people I know. It sounds very civilized though! But I could imagine I'd be less overwhelmed if a "breakfast break" was part of my contract (whether I took it or not).

Follow up question - why do you think you would be overwhelmed by your life? Do you think it's an inherently more busy/ difficult life than the average, which you are unusually good at coping with?

I don’t want to sound patronising because I know this is just a snapshot of your life and I’m sure there’s a lot more that’s taking up headspace. But for the tasks you’ve listed here: just make a list and go through them one by one. Book dentist appointment - TICK. Do grocery shopping - TICK. Order rugby boots - TICK. Take cat to the vet - TICK. And since your children are older - delegate! Why are they not helping out around the house when they’re 13 and 19?! And unless your husband is completely debilitated by the health issue for which he’s having surgery, he should be doing 50% of household tasks. He can book the dentist appointment and take the cat to the vet, for a start.

And to answer your question, I don’t do pointless shit like send birthday cards to siblings. A text is fine. Can you honestly say that your brother will be hurt if you sent a text instead of mailed him a birthday card?

OP you said one of your children is getting tested for ADHD, have you got any symptoms of it? Only asking because I have it myself and all of the people I know with ADHD don’t get overwhelmed easily and work best in a crisis/under pressure because it gives us dopamine.

Side note: I don’t know why everyone is bitching about your working hours, salary and family life. A lot of the replies are oozing with jealousy.

Well I had all that and was still struggling. Why?

@Randomchat that is a lot to get through so yes I’d make a list, but the point of the list would be to decide what I could take off it.
I’d be fairly pragmatic about what actually needs my attention this week.

Do first. I’d put DS13’s hospital trips, your dad’s lift on Tuesday and parents’ night on Wednesday in the calendar. I’d get enough food in for the next few days. If DH is up to doing the shop, I’d ask him to check the fridge and cupboards and get the usual basics, or just make the list for him if needed. I’d tell him anything specific we’re out of, but he can decide what’s for tea. If there are school clothes or anything else needed tomorrow in the basket, I’d do that load and leave the other two.
If the boots are needed for the next match, they move up the list. Otherwise, they can wait. I’d pick one time to ring the dentist and vet, assuming they’re both routine.
I’d make time for a chat with DS19, too, possibly in the car on the way to bring the Cat for the injections I would ask him to come for help. He can have my full attention for a bit without either of us needing to figure out his whole future.
With work, I’d write down the first thing I need to deal with when I’m back so I can stop mentally rehearsing it at home.
And then I would let some things go. I’d clear enough of the kitchen to make dinner and leave the rest of the house alone for now. Christmas can stay off this week’s list unless there’s an actual deadline. And no, I wouldn’t send my brother a birthday card. In my family we send a text or ring each other on the day. He still gets a happy birthday and that’s two jobs gone in one go: buying the card and posting it.
I’d still have a scroll on my phone and a cup of tea. There’ll always be another load of washing. If everyone’s fed, the appointments are covered and there are clean pants for tomorrow, I’d call that enough for today.❤️❤️

But also, @username68 I'm very organised, very energetic, work far fewer hours than you, but feel overwhelmed a lot. My life on paper isn't much like yours tbh, but I imagine you've considered that when you posted. So, genuinely - what do you think I could do differently? Do you have, I don't know, like a protected 3 hours for yourself every weekend? Or weekly therapy? Or do you meditate, or... Genuine question!

You know in hindsight once I started looking at my son and people highlighted it to me I can see elements of me and him. Yes, I am always on the goal. I don’t really get stressed or overwhelmed about it. It’s just the way I am busy but at the same time I can sit and chill.

Have you any symptoms of peri menopause yet?

I think maybe some people have missed the abusive relationship OP mentioned. I wonder if the good parents gave you like a protective shield from some of the longer term harms that often arise from experiences like that @username68 ?

I do like to sit and read, and I went through a phase of doing yoga but for some reason it’s just never done it for me 😅😅 I will say I do like to get a good 8 1/2 hours sleep, which I appreciate is a lot easier now the dc are older. But I do like a massage and I like to get my nails done when I can. That’s my me time.

Yes 😭 sweaty at nights 😅 but I started taking a really good supplement that seems to be working for now. I need to be careful with my supplements though because I have an underactive thyroid and I also had high blood pressure for a while, but this is being managed now.

I'm exactly the same as you op. Most of the details you've given are exactly me too!

We’re not pretending we’re not jealous. We are literally saying we are jealous at the ops charmed life. Unless she’s come on here to depart some wisdom on how we can all be as lucky as her, we are not getting the point of the thread

My mum and dad went through some issues when I was younger, but they were really good at protecting me from them, probably too good tbh. I stepped into that relationship when I lived abroad so they didn’t see a lot. I think had I had them closer they would have stepped in a lot earlier. I went to therapy after it. I have dealt with it now, learned a lot from it and I have put it behind me.

You just haven’t had a lot to be overwhelmed by. And what you have had doesn’t seem to be ongoing. Your health sounds well-managed. You left an abusive relationship and are now happily married. It’s all in the past. For many people, their stressful situations are continual and they may not have the comfy income, family support and partner to mitigate it. You do sound a bit unaware of your privilege.