I don’t get overwhelmed with life!? AMA…

[username68]

I have name changed for this. But I read a lot on here about lots of people being overwhelmed with life (which I’m not disputing that they do feel that way) and its demands in general. I just don’t feel this, I never really have tbh. Don’t know why this is so thought I’d do an AMA to see if there’s something about me that lends to this? Don’t know if that makes sense but anyway. So here I am AMA…

What’s your support network like?
how was your childhood?
what sort of hours do you work?
what is your current home set up?

It's because you don't have struggles to deal with, not rocket science really.

I have my parents around (they haven’t always been though as I lived abroad for a while)
I would say my childhood was good.
I work mon-Fri 8-4:30
what do you mean by set up? Me and dp and two dc.

I have had struggles, relationship, health (a good few health issues) parent’s health issues etc etc yeah.

Are you under 40?

Strange idea for an AMA.

I genuinely don't get overwhelmed with life either, not even when my husband died unexpectedly.

However, it would never occur to me to start a thread like this on a forum where so many are overwhelmed and have MH issues etc.

I'd worry it'd look as though I was rubbing it in.

Are you, DP or any of your children disabled or ill?

If so I'd be really interested if how you've managed this element. I was absolutely bossing life with an interesting job, 4 kids 10 and under and a happy marriage until DC1 became long-term unwell. I feel like part of me withered away and I've never got it back. Still got the 4 kids and happy-ish marriage, and a much less fulfilling job, but teeter on the edge of burnout constantly.

I’m 42.

I’m interested in this

what do you think makes you resilient or do you not think you’re particularly resilient?

that’s not my intention, but I can see why you would say that. I think it would be worse if I said hey look at me I don’t get overwhelmed. What about you? I know lots of people get overwhelmed. I’m very aware of that. I’m surrounded by people that get overwhelmed. But I don’t get overwhelmed so I thought an AMA might get the bottom of why I don’t get overwhelmed because I don’t know why.

So you’re relatively young. Have a partner and both parents. Have the easiest working hours I’ve ever seen in my life, and think you’ve unlocked some sort of secret as to why you’re not as stressed as the majority of people on a support forum?

“Have the easiest working hours I’ve ever seen in my life”

yeah, that jumped out at Me as well
Next thing will be public sector 😂

My DS is currently at the beginning of an ADHD assessment but no major illnesses. Thank God. Although my DS did spend a week in hospital when he was one. He was very ill.

I think having a good childhood probably accounts for a lot of it

I actually have no idea. I’m just Very methodical with how I deal with things and the same and work I deal with things in a very step-by-step factual basis.

what's your household income? who looks after your DC while you are at work? what's your house like - eat-in kitchen? private garden? washing machine? what are your DP's working hours? do you have to commute to work or work from home? what would happen if pne of your kids was taken ill at lunchtime on a Tuesday?

What is your household income?
What percentage of your household income goes on mortgage, utilities and other essential costs?
Do you employ any help (eg: cleaner, gardener, nanny)?
How old are your DC, does their school have wraparound care?
How do you and DP cover school holidays and INSET days? How about if the kids are unwell?

Well, I don’t feel relatively young, but thank you for that 😅 yes I do have a partner and yes, I still have my parents which is great and they are still in good enough health. They also both work. I would say I have very average working hours I wouldn’t call them easy…

No, not public sector, it’s private, and a big global corporate company.

I think not having to start work until 8am, finishing at 4.30pm and having every entire weekend off would solve 90% of my problems. Having a partner would probably solve the other 10%. I don’t even factor in my parents as I grew up in care and have no family. You live an unbelievably privileged life.

I hope the assessment process is useful to your family. My daughter is autistic and understanding herself (and in turn us understanding her better) has been helpful.

My youngest had neonatal meningitis and it didn't really bother me, it was only when my eldest had a more chronic illness (mental health related, still ongoing) that I 'broke'... I think you probably have a similar personality to me - likes being busy, methodical, practical, cheerful, logical, above average intelligence - and similar circumstances ie supportive family and partner, fulfilling work, good health.

I would diagnose you with the magic formula for 'resilience' - a combination of luck, reasonably good life choices, and a personality that leans towards extroversion, glass half fullness, and fixing things. 😀

Congratulations 🥳

My mum is like this.

She has had some difficult times in her life, like everyone, but she has this innate inner stability and positivity, and an ability to just get up, keep going and not let things get to her…and to enjoy her life, every day, no matter what.

She has never been depressed. She has never ‘not coped’. She doesn’t get overly anxious. She never seems to be in any drama or crises, no matter what shit she deals with.

My father was abusive and she had to literally pack up a suitcase and run away with me and my siblings while he was at work one day. We slept on friends and relatives sofas for months while she saved for a deposit for a flat. She had to get an injunction against him to stop him
harassing her and trying to abduct us kids. Yet was always so calm and loving and capable throughout, and when I said in later years ‘it must have been really stressful dealing with all of that and having to keep it all together’ she said ‘yes, I suppose it was. I worried about the effect on you kids. But I never felt hopeless. I still woke up each day feeling like it was all going to be ok’.

I told her I really admire that about her and she says she puts it down to her childhood 100%. She had a very calm, stable, happy childhood. Literally, an idyllic 1950s childhood - very happily married parents, a sibling she adored, a happy experience at school with good friends and wholesome hobbies and a big, loving extended family. No trauma whatsoever.

There must be something in that.

household income is approximately 130k combined. They went to afterschool when they were younger and myself in DP would take turns and dropping them. That one’s older, she walks home.
we live in semi detached for bed with an Office.
The usual kitchen diner sunroom and a sitting room.
DP works the same hours as me.
Whenever one of the kids are sick, we got a phone call and whoever is the most available we will go and collect them and work from home (very lucky with that I know)

thanks - and what happens if you and DH both need to go out in the evening or at a weekend?