I don’t get overwhelmed with life!? AMA…

[username68]

I have name changed for this. But I read a lot on here about lots of people being overwhelmed with life (which I’m not disputing that they do feel that way) and its demands in general. I just don’t feel this, I never really have tbh. Don’t know why this is so thought I’d do an AMA to see if there’s something about me that lends to this? Don’t know if that makes sense but anyway. So here I am AMA…

I'm so sorry that happened.
Thank you for your reply and I'm so pleased you are doing well now. It shows great strength.
Wishing you the best x

Good for you, what a great attitude. I loathe this view (from PP):

Have you ever considered that maybe you don't feel stressed out or overwhelmed by your life because nothing really awful has ever happened to you?

Seems to be a widespread belief. I’ve had horrific things happen to me but I too don’t go around playing the victim. I had someone describe me as “Rachel from Friends” because “things always go right” for me. Like fuck they do. And times they do go right is because I’ve put the work in. With few exceptions, nothing lands in anyone’s lap, and I’m not the type to wang on about my struggles to all and sundry, so things will appear fine when they’re not.

household income is approximately 130k combined.

You probably should have started with this 😂

Your household income is £100k more than mine.

I wouldn’t feel as overwhelmed if I didn’t have to spend so much time worrying about bills, shopping around for better deals, budgeting when I shop, budgeting for birthdays, Xmas and outings, not being able to get a decent car so have to buy a cheap one and then having it break down regularly etc on top of that it’s the mental aspect of how to get a promotion at work, what extra studying do I need, do I change jobs or stay put etc.

You also have a DH which many people don’t.
So I do 100% of all the parenting, chores, life admin etc whereas when you split things in half then obviously it is easy.

I am not judging you but if you had started this thread saying saying you’re a single mum with 3 DCs, work FT, on a low income and don’t feel overwhelmed then I’d be impressed by you and want to know how you do it but no one in your situation should feel overwhelmed on a regular basis.

Absolutely

So you've had the privilege of being able to have your own children and partner, an opportunity which many people never have, and you're pretending to be surprised as to why your mental wellbeing is good.

To be fair, I know plenty of women with that and one heck of a lot more who have difficulty coping.

I think @username68 is getting a disproportionately hard time on this thread. I get where she's coming from. I had no family help and a difficult childhood emotionally albeit more money and paid help.

I never had any difficulty getting anything and everything done and rarely worry about stuff. I used to put it down to having to learn to be resilient as a child.

Exactly this. I don’t feel overwhelmed by life, because my life is not overwhelming?

2 (soon to be 3) children, a comfortable family income, plenty of family support and a flexible job - very similar to OP. Those aren’t the circumstances people are describing when they’re burnt out and overwhelmed, that’s just common sense surely!

Is this a troll thread?

Your household income is colossal and you're wondering why you're not unhappy?

This

Do you have parents who support you (or have previously supported you) financially, practically and/or emotionally?

(My own pet theory is that people who are genuinely unruffled by life as opposed to just putting on a great front, have one or more of the above).

You’re well off, with a work life that seems to offer a decent amount of flexibility and the ability to wfh at times.
a lot of people’s stress and overwhelmed feeling comes down to money and work.

Eh? Unless I've misread it's a perfectly standard 37.5-hour week.

You’re wired at the lower stress end I’d say which makes you cope better. Enjoy it, it’s a gift! However you may also struggle with empathy.

very few people on six figure household incomes, with two parent families, normal hour jobs who can wfh if needed, in good health and have other families are sitting there absolutely overwhelmed with daily life

But there are enough. I wouldn't even describe it as very few. Mumsnet really shows that.

I'm one of those people really. My household income is similar to OP, I have a good relationship with my OH, both sets of parents alive and well and still married, no school aged children. And yet, I do find life harder than others. I know I shouldn't as I'm aware of my privilege. But I'd love to be more like @username68. I don't have a question specifically, unless you know how to share that way of being?

I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed right now. What would you do in my situation that's different from what I'm doing? Or what's different about you? Genuine question, I'd love to be less overwhelmed.

Work is tricky and taking up more headspace than it should. Ds13 has a broken elbow so needs extra help and hospital trips. Ds19 is anxious about his life choices, currently stacking shelves full time. Dh is waiting for an operation and is stressed. The house is a tip. Christmas is coming. There are 74 other things needing done- someone needs new rugby boots, someone needs a dentist appointment, the cat needs her annual injection appointment, my dad needs a lift to a hospital appointment on Tuesday. It's parent's night in school for ds13 on Wednesday. I need to go out and do the food shopping. Dh would go but I'd have to write him a list. It's my brother's birthday on Thursday, I need to get him a card and post it. There's probably 3 loads of washing in the basket waiting for attention.

There's nothing major at all in there, I'm lucky. We have enough money and food and warmth. But how do you not ever feel overwhelmed by the endless stuff coming at you from all directions?

What would you do to not be stressed by all that stuff in your brain?

I guess you're going to say you're super organised, have lists, are really motivated and don't waste any time on your phone.

Or do you just not bother about birthday cards, not have any pets, have lower standards of cleaning. Or does it just all somehow fall into place and you don't worry about the small stuff?

But if I don't worry about the small stuff like the cat's injections then she can't go into the cattery when we go on holiday. There will be no proper food in the house. No toilet roll.

I‘m going to give you a synopsis of my story so you can think about it and how it fits in your theory (if you want of course). On paper I had a great childhood my parents were comfortable financially however only later on I realised that emotionally my mum was very manipulative and her love for me was not unconditional at all. I started working at 16 and aside from a roof and food I paid for everything I needed - including my tuition fees to university. Mum never helped me with my kids, even though she makes it out that the fact she doesn’t have as a strong relationship with my kids than my MIL because of me.

And I’m not really overwhelmed by life. I think because of my circumstances and just learned to be hyper independent and problem solve. I do have a great husband (but we also had some problems about 7 years in)

At your age OP I was extremely happy and resilient. Then one by one I lost every member of my support network. Now I'm a good bit older I have adult children who for various reasons rely heavily on me for emotional support. I feel broken a lot of the time and my resilience is almost non existent sometimes. Things can change very quickly so keep building your emotional strength to see you through the years.

Your background sounds similar to mine (which is probably why I have the theory). I hope this doesn't happen to you, but in my case I was super amazing at handling everything .... until I wasn't (and hitting peri-menopause probably was the catalyst.

But I do look round and see that friends who have helpful parents in one of the ways that I mentioned have achieved as much or more than I have with half the amount of effort. And yes, sometimes I am resentful.

Do you have elderly parents to care for? Anyone in your family with disabilities and/or health issues which take up a significant amount of time?

Agree. I don’t understand the comments about this.

It’s also a bit sad that some posters are being hostile towards @username68

As someone who does get overwhelmed and anxious about a lot of things, I think it’s useful to hear from other perspectives.

I don’t think it’s as simple as saying that the household income is above average so what have you got to get overwhelmed about?
Life / feelings/ personalities are a bit more complex than that I think.

There are many people who work many hours way above and beyond that. If you find 37.5 hours a full and tough working week, then that's just embarassing.

Congratulations on having enough money, time and support to make your life feel manageable.

Check your privilege, count your blessings and keep practising empathy.

Oh gosh. I recently turned 38 and I don’t think I have hit peri menopause yet so something to look out for. I’m sorry it happened to you as well. I was lucky I think I found a friend at uni that encouraged me and then my husband was there for me and really protected me and supported me. I think my biggest challenge was when our relationship went sour, I realised I was very dependent on him emotionally. That shook me to the core. And was overwhelmed then. But I now see it as part of my growing experience. I love him. Set much, but I know if things were to change I would be ok. It was a hard lesson but one that I’m happy I learnt.

but I do agree with you, if you have supportive parents (which we are trying to be for our 3) your life is much easier. Understandable that you can become resentful. Perfectly human emotion.

How do you manage to start at 8am - who is doing the morning school run?

Many people don't get overwhelmed with life until something overwhelming happens. Then life kicks the shit out of them in a way they could never have anticipated.

Nobody is immune.

My aunt was like you OP. When something bad happened to her her world fell apart because she'd always prided herself on coping. She'd been pretty scathing about what she thought of as weaker/emotional/irrational people in the past. When she realised she wasn't super human and that she'd just had a bit of a golden life up until that point her whole self image came tumbling down. The grief, and the fall was very hard for her. I don't thing she's ever recovered really.

Life has been a bit golden for you OP. Not entirely, but mostly. I hope it stays that way but if it doesn't then don't beat yourself up for being human.