I’m a romany gypsy married to a non traveller AMA

[overstimulatedhermit]

For clarification I was married to a traveller and had 3 children. So I did go down the traditional route but he was very abusive and a narcissist and I’m now dealing with the aftermath of trauma and years of abuse. But that’s another matter, I wanted to start a thread because I know people would be curious about a gypsy marrying outside her culture.

I’m getting defensive because I’m constantly repeating myself to people who will never get it. I started this about me, and my experience. Somehow im expected to speak out on 1000s of peoples behalf.

Have a lovely time.

You can't be a free person and also have the council/government help you. It doesn't work unfortunately. Id like it if it did.

How did you manage to access housing for the first time? Have you always had a fixed address?

Then I don’t want to hear about the education of t&g children spouted out.

To be fair to people, we’re not taught about your culture.

I only know a little because I happen to have looked some things up. Before that all I knew was from the mainstream media - they don’t educate us on your heritage, they just show litter and angry residents.

Most of the population finish school and still learn how to run a home and take care of children. Most of us don't go to work at 5 years old and have access to technology and still grow up to be productive members of society.

Is there a perception in your community that non travellers are generally complacent and lazy?

Yes they only show you what they want to show you. I think that’s why there are so many g@t women and men becoming content creators to show what it’s about.

Yeah I’d say so to some degree.

I'm not sure what you mean by that sorry.

does this mean that traveller/gypsy men DO speak rudely about women aongst themselves?

No, I didn’t mean they talk about women. I meant they don’t talk filth in front of woman.

What sort of things do they say that they don't want women to hear?

I don’t want to hear from non travellers about the lack of education of g&t children.

swearing.

Why can't women hear swear words? Are women allowed to swear?

normal swearing is fine, I mean crude or vulgar swearing. Sex isn’t talked about infront of women. It’s out of respect for women. Men together will talk out how they want the same as women will talk how they want but together out of respect they don’t talk like that. For instance dickhead infront of a woman is a no no

Ok so as I thought, we’ve finished the gym class and my mates here are fucking roaring at this. It’s simply not true.

Your experience is nothing like theirs or anyone they know. They agree more kids are continuing in education, they agree women can continue into careers without backlash. They strongly disagree that the groups tipping up on public greens and school fields want to move into council housing and settle.

One of them has pointed out your thread was about marrying your townie man as they call him and want to know why you’ve ignored the questions about that subject? You’re taking on questions about gypsy culture (and getting it wrong in their opinion) but not telling us what’s so special or unusual about your situation with your second husband.

Why haven’t you embraced his culture? Why did he “have to” take on yours?

They agree with me the women only cleaning is sexist and they are happy that they see that changing in their community.

Hahahaha, I was typing when you posted this 🤣

They are killing themselves laughing here at the word dickhead being a no no. As for no talking about sex 🤣🤣🤣

Thanks OP. They needed that giggle

You can't expect the council to support you in some ways, and then not in other ways. It's all or nothing really.

If you want to live on council land, you will have to abide by council rules. And that involves children being in full time education.

I've been on mn for years. I've this is thr first time ive seen anyone announce that they've shared a thread and all has a good laugh CountryQueen.

Is it? That’s weird, I also see people commenting that they’ve “asked DH who is relevant because X and he laughed/disagreed”. Odd.

Anyway, the reason they find it so funny is because the language and words that come out of many of their male traveller friends and family is foul. Absolutely vile. They’re not keen on it but it’s the first time they’ve heard anyone claim this no swearing rule about their culture. Even the young teenagers are throwing the c word about all over the place these days.

Where did I say they wouldn’t?

I’m afraid to say you’re not with travellers. No travellers or gypsy’s talk crudely or vulgar infront of children or women.

I hear that the fist fighting is fine with you OP. But I think it is one of the things that makes it hard for gorjas and gypsies to get along.... which is sad. In the main people settle their differences without this, and it is an aspect that I always found unacceptable.
Damien le Bas, a Romany and now editor of Tracellers Times, in his autobiography recognises how this is a divisive aspect.
You ask how girls have limited opportunities ... by this I meant educationally. Things are changing now a bit, and I believe this to be a good thing. The girls used to talk about this.