I’m a romany gypsy married to a non traveller AMA

[overstimulatedhermit]

For clarification I was married to a traveller and had 3 children. So I did go down the traditional route but he was very abusive and a narcissist and I’m now dealing with the aftermath of trauma and years of abuse. But that’s another matter, I wanted to start a thread because I know people would be curious about a gypsy marrying outside her culture.

Whoever gives up.

Can you elaborate? What if a non traveller does not want to sort out a dispute by fighting? Or does want to be able to say dickhead without checking who is in the room?
What things have you compromised/taken on from the non travelling community?

I have no idea because I’ve never been in that situation.

But surely you can surmise or offer a thought?

How do you resolve disagreements within your marriage? Do you think that is different?
How did your family respond to your ex? Did they fight him?

Just the same as anyone else. No not different and no

She said you can ask her questions, not grill her like she's a politician.

I'm only half Romney and not raised in the culture much but honestly this line of questioning reminds me why I don't generally let on, seriously - there's so much out there if you genuinely want to educate yourself rather than have a pop.

If you're interested in English romnichal culture or the Roma, look up documentaries by Jake Bowers, read Bury Me Standing or have a look at Madeline Potter's History of the Roma (disclaimer: haven't read the last one yet )

These sound like leading questions

🤣 I’m not grilling anyone and I have been quite polite. This is AMA so I have. I am happy to read up on anything and find out how others live their lives (usually to find if there is something I can take to improve my own) but there is nothing quite like having someone ‘there’ who professed they were happy to answer anything. I always find it difficult when people refuse to accept there are any issues within their culture and refuse to admit they have learned anything from other cultures.

Eh? It’s not a leading question - it’s a genuine question. I can offer an opinion/thought on how people in my life/culture may behave/act but that doesn’t mean I behave or act like that - but I have eyes, I can see what goes on around me.
I’m a live and let live person - I think we can all learn from each other hence me asking questions on an AMA

Given you say all disputes are settled with a fight, and the other men in your life presumably disagreed with how he treated you - how does that work?

Not something I want to talk about

You said you’d like the council to build it and they will come. Not me. What do you think the council will build? You’re being deliberately obtuse now

Sorry but no. She’s denying that her experiences are any different to all other travellers.

The OP has called me a liar after telling lies herself and I’m not in the least bothered if you want to accuse me of being an arsehole. The problems caused by misinformation in this community is ridiculous, why come here and lie.

Of course they swear, of course weapons are used. To deny it means you’re just refusing to face the real problems. If you can’t handle that then that’s not my problem.

I brought up the fist fighting because I would like to see a better understanding between gorjas and Gypsies and it is one of the things that stands in the way of that.

I had to visit a young Gypsy man in his trailer once in the middle of nowhere. He saw someone he did not like go by the window and scrabbled about under the seat and came out with a shotgun and set off to sort the other person out. I was not comfortable in this isolated spot with a young angry man with a shotgun!

That is not prejudice - that is fear! I managed to talk him down in the end.

The AMA is about her being married to a non traveller though. She's giving her experiences.

There are massive differences between Romany & travellers (History & culture).

Travellers travel. Romany tend not to.

Over 90% of Romany in the UK are settled in houses. Romany people never chose to travel. They had no choice as they were persecuted in every country they arrived at so had to keep moving on.

In the UK, because we have the Irish travellers, the Romany have mingled with them. This seems to confuse things. Obviously this is not the case in Eastern Europe or the US.

It's the travellers in the UK that people always moan about - not the Romany.

Where did I lie? , I never said they don’t swear. I said they don’t use vulgar language in front of women and children. That is true in my experience and I don’t know one man who would. If you know so many travellers why are you on here asking me questions when you could just ask them?

And I can’t answer because I’m not a man. Fighting goes on it’s not in my vicinity so yeah that’s all I’m going to say on the matter.

That’s interesting thanks. And sorry to see the usual mums’nutters’ have descended on this thread.

Did you feel there was anything you missed out on due to not attending mainstream school and similarly do you feel there was anything you gained that those in mainstream education miss out on. I’m guessing spending more time with family and friends is a big benefit.

Yes, I believe that’s generally how fights work.

You say you followed in shops - Im sorry. How do they know you’re a traveller?

Are you an Irish traveller or romany? How far back can you trace your ancestors?

Is there much drug use in the traveller community?

Think OP must have moved on

Gypsies have a bad reputation. I went to school with a traveller and he was lovely and so polite. What do you think of the reputation?

And wasn't marriage at 16 legal here until recently? I agree with the law change but I think it was recent.