I’m a romany gypsy married to a non traveller AMA

[overstimulatedhermit]

For clarification I was married to a traveller and had 3 children. So I did go down the traditional route but he was very abusive and a narcissist and I’m now dealing with the aftermath of trauma and years of abuse. But that’s another matter, I wanted to start a thread because I know people would be curious about a gypsy marrying outside her culture.

It’s our culture and not every person gets married at 16, my sister was 22 my cousin was 24 my mum was 23. No marriage is arranged.

The law only changed a couple of years ago. You could marry in England at 16 with parents consent. I think you can still do that in Scotland now actually

No one’s underage. He had to get used to it because he was attending them. He wasn’t uncomfortable he’d just not seen it before.

OP I'm a gypsy too and wondering what was people's response to you allowing a non- traveller to join your family and live around your kids? And did you get married this time or do you just consider yourself married?

I always thought Gypsy was a beautiful word. We had a little black cat who suddenly turned up one day that we named Gypsy. Then just as suddenly one day she decided to leave and off she went. I wish you a long and happy life with your family. 🙂

I'm sorry your first husband was so abusive. I've seen statistics suggesting that domestic abuse is more common among travellers than among the settled community. Has that been your experience?

My family are all settled now but they do travel about in the summer but only on holiday camps not on the side of the road or on parks.

Everyone has been fine and accepted him, he’s treated no different than any of the other in-laws. Yes we’re married

Thank you so much ☺️

Super interesting thread!

Has marrying outside of traveller culture changed your opinion on anything about anything or shifted your perspective? And - except from not being married to a traveller in itself - is there anything within your marriage that is less typical of a traveller marriage?

It’s hard to say because you don’t know what goes on between closed doors and girls will try and hide it for the sake of keeping their family together.

Hi, you mentioned being followed round the shops. How do you think they know you are a Romany Gypsy? Could you identify another Romany Gypsy if you were out and about elsewhere, and you hadn’t spoken to them?

yeah it’s made me realise that you don’t have to stay in a horrible marriage for the sake of bringing shame on the family. What I thought was the end of my life turned out to be just the beginning and there’s light after all.

Yes you can always tell. Clothes, accent, hair etc

Thanks for answering - can you be more specific about hair and clothes? Just curious - when I worked in a town hospital, I could always identify people who had come from the rural part of the catchment area(like me) but I’d struggle to say why. Style of clothes and complexion maybe…

Technically you can in Scotland but if either of the couple are from England / Wales etc it’s still criminal. And yes only a couple of years ago.

I don’t know how to be more specific tbh. I can spot them, you wouldn’t if your not used to seeing them

That’s right.

Thank you for answering all these questions it’s so interesting and so pleased you are happy now! When a girl is “grabbed “ does that mean she is fully committed to marriage to the person? I saw a programme called my big fat gypsy wedding ( which I enjoyed ❤️) grabbing was shown …. Thanks OP

Grabbing is only an Irish thing, and basically it’s boys asking for a kiss before he’s asked her to be his girlfriend. The girls act coy and like they aren’t interested so be dramatic as to show they aren’t easy and won’t just kiss them. It’s not a thing in romany gypsy culture.

Is Romany Gypsy culture different to ‘traveller’ culture?

Are the cultures/lifestyles/values of Romany gypsies, Irish travellers and people who travel with fairs similar to each other or totally different apart from they all mostly live in caravans/trailers?

Do you face discrimination when you are with your husband or just on your own?

Are you religious? If so what religion?

Do your children consider themselves travellers or not?

Sorry I'm quite uneducated. How is Romany gypsies different to Irish gypsies etc? Do you not have the same beliefs/traditions?

I have a few friends that are from traveller backgrounds but are all settled, live in houses but I've never really asked them about it obviously. They are usually referred to as 'pikeys' which I also do not understand the terms. Can you tell me the difference?

Very interesting AMA. DGM came from a Romany gypsy family, she married DGF who was non gypsy (his parents were very against the marriage). She’s always been very private about the fact her parents were gypsies due to the fact people looked down on them.

Good thread. So many people don't seem to know the difference between Romany & Irish travellers so hopefully this will clear it up for them 😁🥰