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AMA
Original poster

I lost a child 23 years ago at Dunblane. AMA

288 replies

dunblanemum · 13/03/2019 08:36

I have used this username a few times over the years but am a long time MN user.

I will answer any questions you have - apart from who my child was. I need a little privacy.

I am not doing this to whip up sympathy, i have made my peace with it. It is just in my mind today obviously and i know people i meet often have questions but feel embarrassed about asking. Ask away.

OP posts:
Wintersnowdrop · 13/03/2019 08:38

Oh, I’m so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you. How are you now? How long did it take you to make peace with it? Thinking of you and your child.

TanteRose · 13/03/2019 08:40

oh my goodness, OP Flowers

I don't want to ask you anything but today must be so tough Sad

so very sorry for your terrible loss

endofthelinefinally · 13/03/2019 08:41
Flowers I remember that day as if it was yesterday. I am so sorry for your loss. I lost a child 2 years ago. I am still struggling so much. How have you managed to make your peace with it? What has helped?
LorelaiRoryEmily · 13/03/2019 08:41

Oh op that is heartbreaking. I’m so sorry for your loss. How ok how old was your little one? How are you now?

Original poster
dunblanemum · 13/03/2019 08:42

Thanks Wintersnowdrop Very apt user name for today i have to say!

I am fine. I have a great life and a lovely family. I have never allowed what happened to blight my life as this is what the person who did it wanted.

I don't know how long it took to make my peace. Just gradually over time things felt better. At least 5 years i would think, maybe longer.

OP posts:
ArmchairTraveller · 13/03/2019 08:42

I have no question, only to say that my eldest is the same age as the children who died. I remember Dunblane every year, and the rage and sadness I feel at every loss. Love and Light to you.

BrendaUrie · 13/03/2019 08:43

I don't have a question but even reading the title made me cry.
What happened to your child and others has stayed with me my whole life.
I can't say how sorry I am for your loss. Truly.

:(. Flowers

Sexnotgender · 13/03/2019 08:44

I’m so sorry OPFlowers much love from a fellow Scot.

I have no question.

Original poster
dunblanemum · 13/03/2019 08:44

endofthelinefinally Hugs for you. It just takes time. Be kind to yourself. Allow yourself to remember your child and talk about them. As silly as it seems it helped that there were lots of us going through the same thing. We had lots of outside support but the best supports came from my friends.

OP posts:
Walkmehome · 13/03/2019 08:45

That is shockingly awful. No words are enough are they?

Do people in your area talk about it? I saw a documentary on Aberfan recently and the survivors all adults now 50 years on never talked about it growing up.

TheQueef · 13/03/2019 08:46

Very sorry for the terrible loss Flowers

Every time there is a school shooting I think of the Dunblane children, does it have a big impact on you when you see news reports?

LittleCandle · 13/03/2019 08:46

Oh my dear! I am so sorry. I will never forget that day, as it was my DD's 5th birthday and I felt as guilty as hell that others lost a child of a similar age, and there we were having a birthday party. I think of it every year. I have no questions I want to ask, but could not ignore your thread. Flowers. My thoughts are with you all today.

HeyCarrieAnneWhatsYourGame · 13/03/2019 08:47

I’m so sorry for your loss. I don’t have a question, but I remember that day as if it were yesterday. I was 10 with a younger sister in Reception and I remember both of my parents crying at the BBC news at 6pm. I’m glad that you have a good life and I am thinking of you and your child today.

Original poster
dunblanemum · 13/03/2019 08:47

LorelaiRoryEmily My DC was 5. They all were apart from one who was 6 and the teacher too. It was a long time ago and time is a great healer. I am fine now. (in Dunblane parlance we used to refer to the answer 'Fine' as meaning Fucked up, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional!)

OP posts:
Zarara · 13/03/2019 08:48

Oh my goodness so sorry for your loss Flowers
If you don’t mind me asking how did you find out what what was happening that day? I can’t imagine the pain of the day.

Farmerswifey12 · 13/03/2019 08:48

I'm the same as others- I don't have a question but just wanted to say I am so sorry for your loss. I am glad you have managed to find some peace Flowers

ThomasRichard · 13/03/2019 08:48

I was only a small child when it happened and didn’t understand. As I’ve grown up and had my own children I’ve struggled to get my head around the horror of what happened. So many innocent little lives lost. I’m sorry OP Flowers

I suppose my question is how the community has held together. An entire community of people in different stages of grief and coping with it in their own individual ways: how did you all manage?

Babyfoal · 13/03/2019 08:48

I'm so sorry. I remember that day so well. Sending you love x

TeslaGirls · 13/03/2019 08:48

I'm so sorry for your loss Flowers

A question if I may, were the media sensitive at the time? I sincerely hope so.

Original poster
dunblanemum · 13/03/2019 08:49

TheQueef Absolutely! For some reason the Parkland shooting in the US was very difficult to bear. I am behind those young people trying to make changes 100%.

OP posts:
QOD · 13/03/2019 08:51

I remember the news report, and the parent shouting their child’s name over and over. Won’t say which because all parents were doing the same inside I’m sure

Unbelievable that it goes on so regularly in the USA 😥

So sorry for your loss, so bloody cruel and unfair

Whereareyouspot · 13/03/2019 08:51

I’m so sorry OP
I also remember it so clearly and have kids similar ages. I recall vividly thinking of the pain you were in and my heart aching for you as a fellow mum.

I have questions if you are open to them?

When did you find out your child had died- did you have to wait long? Were you aware of the other parents who got good news not bad and overtime did you resent those in your community whose children were at school and survived the attack?

Did you have other children at the school and did you still send them there afterwards? How long was the school closed for?

Sexnotgender · 13/03/2019 08:52

Actually I do have a question if you don’t mind?

Do you still speak to the other parents who lost children or have you drifted apart?

Again, my condolences. I’ve currently got my 5 week old baby sleeping on my chest and cannot imagine your pain Flowers children are so innocent.

Original poster
dunblanemum · 13/03/2019 08:52

TeslaGirls. Some media were but some were awful. I recall the day it happened reporters knocking on our door. I had to get people to answer and get them to go away. We had a magnificent Police officer who was assigned to us and who dealt with stuff like that.

OP posts:
HJWT · 13/03/2019 08:53

I didnt even know about this as it was the year I was born, iv just read all about it and I am so sorry op! That day must of been so unbearable Thanks