AMA
I lost a child 23 years ago at Dunblane. AMA
dunblanemum · 13/03/2019 08:36
I have used this username a few times over the years but am a long time MN user.
I will answer any questions you have - apart from who my child was. I need a little privacy.
I am not doing this to whip up sympathy, i have made my peace with it. It is just in my mind today obviously and i know people i meet often have questions but feel embarrassed about asking. Ask away.
WhentheRabbitsWentWild · 13/03/2019 09:54
At my eldest DCs school , a father who was in prison threatened to "do a Dunblane" (his awful words, not mine) if SS did not return his kids on his release . His kids later went to the same school as mine
The result though was immediate lock down of the school and emergency security put in place . Prior to that you could simply walk into school playgrounds or offices etc.
SirVixofVixHall · 13/03/2019 10:00
I also cried reading your opening post. So many of us will never forget that day. I am so sorry op.
Thinking of what you said re it helping that others were going through the same thing, I wonder if you have seen the beautiful documentary The Aberfan Young Wives Club ? One of the most touching and human pieces of film I have ever seen about the distaster and the loss of a child.
dunblanemum · 13/03/2019 10:03
My question if you don't mind is do you blame anyone/ anything apart from the perpetrator? Such as laws & absence of school security gates or anything
I don't blame anyone or anything. What happened happened. Schools have now tightened up their security and we managed to get guns laws changed. The children of the UK are now safer because of this.
RageAgainstTheVendingMachine · 13/03/2019 10:03
Apologies from me OP for my previous inane question, I have been out of the UK for some time now and did not realize that it was a closure order, never a D-notice, and that files were released in 2005.
Did you ever receive a personal apology from officials/prosecutors for their failure to take action against Hamilton?
pumpastrotter · 13/03/2019 10:05
from a fellow Scot I am ever so sorry, sending love. We hadn't long moved from Scotland before this and I was the same age as your wee one, I don't remember much from when it happened but it makes my heart ache (I'm currently trying to stifle myself at my desk)
How do you feel about the American attitude towards this sort of event? I have many American friends, some of them are big supporters of the '2nd amendment' (disgustingly, so is a close family member who is a citizen now). I've had arguments with them about gun control and use Dunblane as an example to how it changed the UK's attitude.
dunblanemum · 13/03/2019 10:08
May I ask you what happened to the children in that class who survived? Did they stay at the school or were they sent to another school? How was the school affected, in terms of children staying or leaving, re-organisation, etc? I've often wondered about those who survived, whether they have felt survivors' guilt, how the trauma has affected them, etc.
And how would you say that this has affected the town long term?
Some of the children stayed in that school and some went to the new school when it opened. I am not sure how the school was affected as i never had any involvement with it after that day. Mine went to the new school when it opened as we lived close to it. I almost never had a reason to even drive past the other school afterwards.
I think there was lot of trauma for the survivors both children and the parents. I know some of them and there is no hard feelings or anything. These children are now adults and many have done well with their lives as far as i am aware. I don't know about the long term effect on the town. We are lucky that the Andy Murray effect took over!
dunblanemum · 13/03/2019 10:15
How did you cope when your younger children started school?
It was hard when my DD1 (i know she isn't really but i refer to them on here as DD1 and DD2. It's a hard habit to break) started P1. I remember when the new school was opening and they had a community open day. We went along and when we walked into the P1 classroom i broke down. The HT knew me and whisked me away to her room so i could sit quietly. The school were fantastic and understood the challenges that we faced. When DD2 started it was easier somehow. I was very familiar with the school by then.
dunblanemum · 13/03/2019 10:20
Can i just do a blanket response for those of you who have asked about anger etc?
I am not angry with the perpetrator. I never have been. He died and is gone.
I am not angry with officials or with anything related to the aftermath. I was angry at the time about how the police dealt with it as it was a shambles but i know that they have changed their processes now and have major incident plans in place.
I was never really angry with anyone or anything. I am a very pragmatic person and understood no amount of anger was going to bring my DD back. I channelled my energy into my family for the most part.
I did some campaigning for the gun law changes as i wanted there to be a positive legacy so her death was not in vain.
10IAR · 13/03/2019 10:21
I remember that day, my auntie was the ward sister at A&E and didn't speak about it for almost 20 years. Every year she makes little posies on mothering Sunday and puts the names of each of the children lost on the posy.
I don't have a question OP, I'd just like to offer you some from a stranger and to say I'm so very sorry.
dunblanemum · 13/03/2019 10:23
I haven't read everyone's questions so apologies if someone already asked, but you mentioned you had a 3 year old at the time. How long was it before he/she found the truth of what exactly happened? I am assuming too young at the time to know.
We told her what happened the day after. We used very simple language but were very clear she had been killed by someone. She understood immediately that her sister would not be coming back. As time went on we added more detail f she asked. She knew the full story very quickly. It was better coming from us than hearing older children talking about it and maybe getting the facts wrong.
Happierwithouthim · 13/03/2019 10:25
I was a teenager when this happened. I remember buying a cd for charity at the time, bairns of Dunblane are the lyrics from it that stick in my mind. I used to listen to it and cried for those poor children. Can remember watching it over and over on the news too, shocking news.
Bravo on posting this brave post
dunblanemum · 13/03/2019 10:27
I have a question you may not know the answer to. The children in the primary who survived are now of an age some will be having their own children. Is there support for them?
I don't think so. I think even a lot of the people within the community who supported people have retired or moved on - doctors, ministers teachers etc.
caughtinanet · 13/03/2019 10:31
I have no questions but am very sorry for your loss.
I have vivid memories of that day, I was on the way to the Cheltenham Festival when the news came on the radio, I didn't have DC at the time but for me it was a huge event yet no one mentioned it all day at the races which I found very strange, maybe people hadn't heard as there wasn't the access to rolling news but I spent the whole day wanting to hear that the children were OK.
dunblanemum · 13/03/2019 10:34
Do you have media contacting you for comment on the aniversary ?
No. That happened for a few years but not now. We also used to be contacted when other things happened like US shootings but nothing for many years now. I think the press know who their 'go to' people are in relation to Dunblane and it is not us!
RageAgainstTheVendingMachine · 13/03/2019 10:37
I am a very pragmatic person and understood no amount of anger was going to bring my DD back. I channeled my energy into my family for the most part.
I am in awe of you. I meant to ask regarding you being at peace with it - are you religious/do you have faith or was it a question of keep going for your younger child/time healing to a degree? Did your relationship survive? Did therapy help?
Again. ignore all/any questions that you want to. And well done for your advocacy on gun control X
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.