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I lost a child 23 years ago at Dunblane. AMA

288 replies

dunblanemum · 13/03/2019 08:36

I have used this username a few times over the years but am a long time MN user.

I will answer any questions you have - apart from who my child was. I need a little privacy.

I am not doing this to whip up sympathy, i have made my peace with it. It is just in my mind today obviously and i know people i meet often have questions but feel embarrassed about asking. Ask away.

OP posts:

icannotremember · 13/03/2019 08:53

Oh, op Flowers.

I don't have a question, I just wanted you to know that many, many people remember your dc and all those whose lives were taken on that awful day.


HotpotLawyer · 13/03/2019 08:56

I am glad you have found a way to have peace,

On the 20th year they read the name of every child and teacher. I stopped what I was doing and listened to every name. Your children are not forgotten.

Have most families stayed local? Stayed in touch?


Nonibaloni · 13/03/2019 08:56

I had a cousin in the school. My mum came to school to get me so she could tell me what happened before I heard it elsewhere. Cousin was mercifully fine but your child and the others and the teacher are in our thoughts every birthday, now weddings etc. We don’t forget.
Not a question but I just wanted to say the only good to come out of it was the strict gun control laws and no one in the uk can argue differently when we remember what happened.
It’s a fixed time in my life that taught me what was important (I was older). It’s my greatest fear as a parent. I can’t say anything that sounds like sympathetic enough.
I hope you are well.


HotpotLawyer · 13/03/2019 08:57

On the radio. They read the names on the radio.


dunblanemum · 13/03/2019 08:58

When did you find out your child had died- did you have to wait long? Were you aware of the other parents who got good news not bad and overtime did you resent those in your community whose children were at school and survived the attack?

It took ages to find out she had died. We were all cooped up in the school together waiting for a long time. It was afternoon before we knew and it happened first thing in the morning. It was gym so all the clothes weren't labelled and some of them had swapped clothes. They had to get nursery staff in to identify them which was very traumatic for them. We didn't know the full list of who lived and who died until we saw it on the news the next morning. There was no resentment from us although some of the families of those who survived felt very guilty.

Did you have other children at the school and did you still send them there afterwards? How long was the school closed for?

I had one other child who was 3 so not at school. I can't recall how long it was closed for as it didn't impact me. My other DC never attended that school. A new one was being built at the time and she went there.

OP posts:

dunblanemum · 13/03/2019 09:00

Do you still speak to the other parents who lost children or have you drifted apart?

My best friend lost her child too. I am still good friends with her. I don't keep up with the others. I have moved away and no longer live in Dunblane.

OP posts:

Soubriquet · 13/03/2019 09:00

God this is awful

I’m so sorry OP

I haven’t got any questions..I just wanted to pass on my sympathies Flowers

I’m glad you’ve managed to come to terms with it


InsertFunnyUsername · 13/03/2019 09:00

I know you arent doing this for sympathy OP, but honestly, I am so sorry, a pain i cant even imagine.


OpiesOldLady · 13/03/2019 09:01

I'm so sorry for your loss OP. I can't begin to imagine how it must be to lose a child in those circumstances.

I hope you don't mind me asking; how long was it before you were able to be with your child? Where you allowed to be with them straight away or did you have to wait for forensics etc to be finished?

Thank you for allowing us to ask questions and sharing your child with us.


Whackaguacamole · 13/03/2019 09:02

I'm so sorry
Did you have any more children after this happened?


dunblanemum · 13/03/2019 09:02

I suppose my question is how the community has held together. An entire community of people in different stages of grief and coping with it in their own individual ways: how did you all manage?

There was a support centre that anyone could access. They were brilliant and helped me, my family and my friends in many ways. The community all pulled together which was wonderful.

OP posts:

TheQueef · 13/03/2019 09:02

I echo Hotpot you are still in our hearts, we remember.


LorelaiRoryEmily · 13/03/2019 09:03

@dunblanemum, I’m so sorry for you, I was very young when it happened, please excuse my ignorance. My Scottish nana lived with us in Ireland at the time and I remember seeing her cry watching the news. Were/are other parents a support to you?


dunblanemum · 13/03/2019 09:03


Yes. I was lucky enough to be able to have another child.

OP posts:

Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername · 13/03/2019 09:05

Oh God, there are absolutely no words. I remember that day so well, and often think of the poor children and their families. My deepest condolences OP


SileneOliveira · 13/03/2019 09:05

Such a dreadful day. I remember it so vividly. No questions, just love to you and your family.


RageAgainstTheVendingMachine · 13/03/2019 09:05

Sorry for your loss OP Daffodil
I have visited Dunblane, beautiful village.
My question, but only if you deem it an appropriate one, is:
How do you feel about the D-notice in place on Hughes' report on Hamilton and has the secrecy regarding that report, which fuels conspiracy theory, affected you or others at all?
Please only answer if you want to.
Other questions, and again - if deemed too raw or personal, please ignore: How did you make your peace with it?
Thoughts to you and others affected by this tragedy. x


fleshmarketclose · 13/03/2019 09:07

I don't have a question OP but just wanted to say I am so sorry for your loss Flowers


SongforSal · 13/03/2019 09:07

So sorry OP. I was only 12 at the time and remember my DM sobbing in front of the TV. As a parent myself now, I can't begin to imagine living through that. Thoughts are with you today xx


Mummyoflittledragon · 13/03/2019 09:07

I am so sorry. The waiting. The horrendous way the children needed to be identified. Your pain has touched me deeply. My heart goes out to you. Flowers

Endoftheline Flowers

I cannot imagine a worse pain than losing your child.


Theunreasonableone · 13/03/2019 09:08

I was a young teen living miles away from Scotland (in Southern England) when Dunblane happened. I remember it like it was yesterday. I remember crying with my mum and dad and the profound effect it had on all of us. I have no question for you OP but I want you to know that we were praying for you, your child and your family then and continue to pray for you all today.


FrancisCrawford · 13/03/2019 09:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KooMoo · 13/03/2019 09:09


JohnnyHatesJazz · 13/03/2019 09:09

I remember it clearly because my DC is the same age as your child.



StripeyChina · 13/03/2019 09:09

I am very sorry for your loss.

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