How sleep and community can both make a difference for new mums

We often hear about the ‘love bubble’ of early motherhood and the joys of seeing our little baby grow. But as any mum will know, it can also be a time of intense sleep deprivation and an overwhelming mental load. That’s why it’s so important to find support that fits within the limited time you have to look after yourself.

Being a new parent can sometimes feel like a lonely time, especially during night feeds when you’re convinced you’re the only person in the world still awake. That’s why it’s also vital to seek out community and connect with other parents to share the highs and lows of your journey.

Calm is a sleep and meditation app that offers a wide choice of tools to improve your health and happiness. It can work for newbies or meditation enthusiasts and helps you navigate the challenges of everyday life - including newborn stress and sleep deprivation.

The generous array of calming exercises and breathing techniques can help you take a mental pause and switch off during a stressful day. You can even tailor the recommendations to your specific goals, whether you want to boost your happiness, improve your sleep or reduce your anxiety levels.

The guided meditation sessions last between 3 to 30 minutes, so they’re easy to fit into even the busiest of days. 

If you’re struggling with sleep, the app has a designated section called ‘Letting Go into Sleep’. Or if you crave the nostalgia of childhood bedtime, it also offers Sleep Stories narrated by celebrities, including Tom Holland and Kelly Rowland. 

Our Mumsnet community are big fans of the Calm app too.

-Klobuchar

“The thing that really sets Calm apart is the sleep stories. I honestly don't think I could do without them now. I often struggle to get to sleep or fall back asleep and Calm is the only thing that helps with that.” wherethewildtbingsgo

“Jeff Warren's How To Meditate course on the Calm app is brilliant! It's 30 days long, with a 10 minute meditation each day. I really found it life changing, so it's something I'm always quick to recommend.” JovialNickname

What are the biggest challenges of sleep deprivation?

Newborns are known for many things but long stretches of sleep at night isn’t one of them, sadly. 

We’ve all heard the age old advice to sleep when the baby sleeps, but that can feel impossible if you have a baby that needs to be held all the time, one that’s battling a sleep regression, or you’re simply finding it impossible to switch off and calm your mind.

Sleep is vital for our physical and mental wellbeing and deprivation of it can lead to feelings of exhaustion, stress and anxiety. The NHS say studies have demonstrated that poor sleep quality can actually exacerbate mental health issues such as anxiety, depression and burnout.

Dr. Chris Mosunic, Calm’s Chief Clinical Officer, says: “Most new parents feel stressed, anxious, and overwhelmed as they adjust to taking care of their baby. And all these feelings can increase and get worse, the more sleep deprived you become. 

“Sleep deprivation can take a toll on both your mental and physical health. In the short term, you tend to feel tired and irritable. But over time, chronic sleep deprivation can lead to bigger challenges including postpartum depression or anxiety, high blood pressure, a poor immune system, and trouble concentrating and making decisions. 

“In these low moments, it’s important to remind yourself that this is a phase. You will sleep a full night again, even if it’s not realistic at this exact moment. In the meantime, take time to look after yourself, and don’t hold back from turning to the community around you - no matter how big or small - for support.“ 

Why community matters for new mothers

They say it takes a village to raise a child but community goes beyond childcare duties. The social support of fellow mums has been shown to improve a mother’s mental health and wellbeing. Research from the National Childbirth Trust found that peer support reduced feelings of anxiety, depression and isolation.

“I just made it my mission to make friends,” Woodland said of her postnatal experience. “Invited people over for tea and coffee. Cinema/nights out. I found that actually a lot of people were in similar situation and just didn’t feel they could say it.”

“When you feel able to get out more, join a baby group whether it's breastfeeding or sensory,” HappinesDependsOnYou added. “It's for you really rather than the baby as meeting new mums helps you feel less alone.” 

“I had fallen into the trap of thinking I didn’t need to meet people just because we had babies in common,” Gardenerboo admitted. “That was a bit silly in hindsight. The company was lovely.”

I can personally vouch for the power of community during my postnatal experience with my son River. After giving birth, I have never felt so alone. I was the first of my close friends to have a baby and I honestly worried I’d ruined my life! 

Being active in making new mum friends really helped. I was also too tired to hide my postnatal struggle but I found opening up about how crap I was feeling allowed other mums to be honest with me too. Knowing we were both in the same boat was a game changer. It made me feel less guilty and we helped get each other through.

The fourth trimester can be a lonely time, but reaching out to fellow mums can help 

How does Calm support new mums?

The guided meditations in the app range from three minutes to 30, so there's something to suit any schedule. The breathing exercises can work wonders to reduce stress and anxiety and help your mind reset.

The sleep stories are perfect for providing that nostalgic joy of bedtime, and can also be used with children for bonding. 

Calm is also releasing a free postpartum collection throughout April, providing a range of resources designed for both mother and baby. The collection includes meditations, breathwork exercises, as well as soothing sounds and lullabies suitable for babies. 

For more information on Calm’s offerings, head to the website.

How can you manage sleep as a new mum?

We know new motherhood and good sleep don’t often go hand in hand, but there are ways to try and get better rest. 

1. Adjust expectations

We know this is easier said than done, but striving for your old eight hours of slumber is probably not realistic. Try to get as much sleep as you can, celebrate the small wins and remember that every phase will pass.

“I found that what helped me was to adjust my expectations and figure out a way to get the most rest,” crazycatlady5 shared in a thread. 

2. Tag team with your co-parent

If you’re raising a little one with a fellow parent, it’s easier to tag team and take sleep in shifts during those challenging early months.

“We've just accepted that we will have more time together when baby is older but for now my sleep is a priority,” ivf2022 said.

3. Practice mindfulness

Being a new parent can be an anxious time and it can feel impossible to quieten the mental load and switch off. Practicing mindfulness techniques can help your mind and body unwind for sleep.

“I do a mental 'body relaxation' thing,” HighInTheHills shared on Talk. “I start at my toes and concentrate on physically tensing and stretching them, then relax them, then move up to my calves, same again. Then knees. And work my way slowly up my body, thinking and concentrating on each part.

“It's a very relaxing/boring thing to do and I find it makes me slow down and stop thinking. If I've reached my ears and not asleep, then back to toes and slowly work up again.”

4. Try breathing exercises to unwind

Breathing can calm the whole nervous system, and there are plenty of guided meditations available online, as well as the Calm app.

“That's my other fail safe. Breathe in for five seconds, hold for five, breathe out for five. Make sure you're counting every time to keep your mind focusing on the counting and not thinking of other things”, shared HighInTheHills.

5. Create a bedtime routine

We often hear of the importance of creating a structured bedtime routine for little ones, but it also works wonders for adults too.

“Going for a walk in the evening, having a warm bath or shower before bed, listening to a guided meditation,” JiltedJohnsJulie advised.

Why it’s so important to talk about maternal mental health

Talking is such an important tool for our mental health as it can help us feel less isolated and could connect us with others feeling the same way.

I was stunned by how many new mums were in the same boat as me when I’d admitted my struggle. Everyone seemed so picture perfect on social media. I thought I was the only one. People would reach out to congratulate me on my new baby and ask how I was doing, and I started to just answer back honestly and say how low I was feeling. 

-Rebecca Roberts, Mumsnet editor

To my amazement, so many people replied they had felt the same way. Even some antenatal mums admitted how low they had been after birth but were scared to admit it. Knowing I wasn’t alone was so freeing.

So, whether it’s a friend, family member or a trained professional—don't be afraid to reach out for help and admit you’re struggling. It’s ok to ask for help and community is key. Whether you find it with loved ones, new friends or professional help.

Whatever stage of parenting you’re at, it’s always good to make time to rest and reset

What resources are available to mums in the UK struggling with mental health? 

If you’re struggling, you could consult your GP for advice. They may be able to refer you for talking therapies or advise you on local services or charities that can help.

Here are a few of the available resources to new mums in the UK: 

• Tommy’s

• PANDAS Foundation UK 

• Family hubs 

Mumsnet’s own Senior Content Editor, Rebecca Roberts, completed a course of CBT therapy to help navigate her postpartum depression and anxiety when her youngest was around 18 months old. 

“One thing nobody tells you before giving birth, I find, is that we mums are susceptible to PPD and mental health struggles long after our babies turn one.

“After returning to work, I found life as a working mum of two young babies with a 15 month age gap too much to handle at times to the point I was experiencing intrusive thoughts. That terrified me, and so I sought professional help via the NHS who referred me to a local CBT therapist.

“To any new mum navigating this time, you’re really not alone and you shouldn’t be ashamed of how you’re feeling. Please ask for help.” 

Health visitors can also offer advice until your baby is around two years old, so feel free to reach out - after all, they’re not just there for your baby’s health, but yours too. 

Local in-person mum groups provide a great way to meet new friends, and are usually a very supportive space. A quick search will no doubt bring up plenty of sensory groups, play groups, coffee mornings and more in your local area that invite mums and their babies to attend. 

Plus, our Mumsnet community also offers invaluable support and advice on a wide choice of topics. Whether it’s sleep woes, battles with loneliness or tips on reducing stress, there’s a forum for it.

Whatever stage of parenting you’re at, remember that it’s always important to take time to rest and reset.

Calm has such an incredible choice of tools to pick from and with the clocks going forward soon, the Daylight Savings Reset Collection could really prove a game changer

The app is free to download and has a freemium model that offers you daily meditations, a mood tracker, a selection of sleep stories and guided meditations, music, and breathing exercises. You could also try the seven day free trial to unlock more premium products.

For a paid for service, which offers the full library, it's £39.99, which works out to less than £4 a month. Or you could make a one-payment of £399.99 and get the app for life.

About Calm

Calm is a consumer mental health company on a mission to support everyone on every step of their mental health journey. With the #1 app to help you sleep more, stress less and live mindfully as well as a growing library of digital, evidence-based mental health programs, Calm offers trusted support for individuals and organizations alike. Our flagship consumer app provides personalized content and activities – featuring a range of experts and beloved celebrity voices. Our workplace and healthcare solutions take a consumer-friendly approach to mental health support delivered on a HIPAA-compliant platform to drive positive health and business outcomes. Named a TIME100 Most Influential Company, Calm has more than 150 million downloads and supports more than 3,500 organizations across seven languages and 190 countries. To learn more, visit calm.com. 

About the author

Kat Romero is a writer and journalist with over a decade’s experience in the industry. Hailing from London, she has become experienced in scouring the market to find the best holidays that are suitable for families. As a working mum of a toddler, she knows all too well how your mental health can be affected as a new mum. That’s why her guides are always written with every budget in mind.

Away from her desk, Kat can be found consuming far too much coffee and spending her weekends with her toddler and partner - soaking up the sights of London and sampling anything new and exciting that has opened up within walking distance. Her favourite activity to do with her son is to visit London’s incredible museums and immerse themselves in new exhibits or installations.