is there anything I can do...?

[sleepycat13]

ds is 12 weeks and has always woken frequently at night. in the last month or so he has typically had a 3 hour stretch for for at sleep of night then every 1.5 - 2 after that. I'm exhausted.

the last two nights he has gone for just over 5 hours for his first stretch. which felt amazing. but then the second half of the night has been very broken with him waking every hour which i have found mentally and physicalluly draining.

he had a feed at every waking to help him get back to sleep but if he can go 5 hours he clearly isn't waking due to hunger. I suspect wind and maybe reflux as towards the morning time he starts to wriggle alot. I do try to burp him but often don't get anything thing out at night time. around 6 am he may vomit.
he does vomit more frequently during the day although this does vary from day to day.

I'm not really sure what I'm asking except has anyone got any ideas as to how I can help him get another longer stretch of sleep after his first one. even if it's just a couple of hours.

Bless you, it’s really really hard. I found what helped me was to adjust my expectations and figure a way to get the most rest (for us it’s cosleeping). They go through many spurts and phases, a lot of people assume baby sleep just gradually improves but it’s not necessarily the way. It can be rough one month, then better the next, then rough again, and so on, at least for the first year. Could you put the cot side carred to your bed if you’re not comfortable cosleeping?

Agree with previous poster. Baby sleep isn’t linear in the first years, if goes up and down as there’s so much going on in there little minds and bodies. Some babies sleep through and then that’s that, but it’s not usually the way. 12 weeks is also really tiny, and 5 hours in one go is really good for the age. I found the best way to deal with the lack of sleep was to adjust my expectations, and not to get annoyed if my DS woke up more than the night before, it’s just not worth the extra stress you already feel when you exhausted. It’s just a case of riding it out and finding effective ways of dealing with the lack of sleep. Cosleeping if you feel comfortable, going to bed when baby does, napping when baby does if that’s possible for you, getting someone to help out and give you a break to nap etc.

I sympathise, i had a frequent waker and it really was awful at times. He always wanted fed when waking at night and he never took a bottle so it was all on me and DH couldn’t even help. Every. Bloody. Night. But, it will pass and there will be better times. You’re doing a fantastic job and its all worth it. Be kind to yourself and enjoy the baby snuggles.

Also, if you are worried about reflux then there will be no harm asking doctor or HV

thank you both for your replies. kind of what I thought really but just good to hear it from others too.
I think the expectations thing is very true. I try to take each night as it comes and not get too bogged down with the whole sleep thing but it just seems that recently one of the first things everyone say is how is baby, does he sleep well? need to remind myself we are doing ok.

Yup I totally agree. This is part of the reason I didn’t go to baby groups. There’s nothing worst that hearing how other people’s babies sleep well when you’re so tired you need match sticks to keep your eyes open. I made it clear to everyone that I didn’t want to discuss it so they were not to ask me about it, even my family

Respond with 'he sleeps like a baby' and move on. So annoying!!

How are you feeding? If you're BF, they can wake frequently in the night - hunger, for comfort, to boost/regulate supply etc. In this case you need to maximise your sleep. Feeding lying down and safe cosleeping are the easiest ways to do that.

@teaandbiscuitsforme I like the 'he sleeps like a baby'. will be using that one!!!
yes he is bf. he is clearly hungry at the first waking but not really at the other wakes. one wake last night he fell asleep on the boob within a few minutes so that says it all.
I have been wary of co sleeping as my dh has been sleeping quite heavily and I wouldn't trust him to wake and we have no way of putting bed against the wall. our cot is a different height to the bed too but I have it very close to the bed. I have sent dh to the spare rooms a couple of times when I have been really tired and brought ds into bed with me in the early morning so might try this again

I spent months trying not to cosleep with my DD because I thought I shouldn't. Did it from day 1 with DS and I was honestly so much more rested with 2 under 2 than I ever was in the early days with just DD.

If you're tired, I'd really think about prioritising getting as much rest for everybody as you can. If you DH has to sleep in another room for a bit, that's ok. Anything to survive! Also try and have at least one nap a day cosleeping - absolute sanity saver for me!

Also, I wouldn't worry about the reason for waking up. If DS stirs I just latch him on. He's almost 12mo so a lot of people would say he doesn't need a feed, but I have a drink overnight so he might need one too. I also know that I'm his comfort and that's ok.

Basically if BF/cosleeping etc feels like it works for you, it's ok to just go with it. If you want to go for more independent sleep, you might want to introduce a dummy or something.

he is clearly hungry at the first waking but not really at the other wakes

I'd try giving a dummy. A dummy us especially useful to give a breastfeeding mum a break because it allows for comfort sucking.

Try for 5-10 minutes to settle baby with a dummy first, then feed if not settling.

thank you @FATEdestiny
sounds like a good idea
do you have any suggestions for how to get him to take a dummy. i have previously tried a couple of different dummies but not had much luck in getting him to take one.

I do. I love dummies but had to work hard you get my DC4 to take one, she didn't take naturally to a dummy but I knew it would be worth it so I was persistent.

• try different kinds of dummy teat. Mine preferred cherry teats to orthodontic teats.

• use similar tactics to encouraging latching at the breast to get baby to take the dummy (so don't passively just put it in mouth). For example tickle cheek or upper lip with dummy teat and let baby reach for it with their mouth.

• put dummy in mouth in an "upwards/backwards" direction towards the roof of the mouth. Exactly like latching on.

• tapping on the outside of the dummy encourages the sucking reflux.

• don't let the dummy just sit limply in baby's mouth, it should be actively sucked. If it's just sitting in there doing nothing, remove it and start again.

• when establishing a dummy, give it at different times and states of tiredness. Baby may not tolerate it initially when overtired but might be better when awake, or after a feed, or when having a cuddle etc. Limit to sleep time only once it's fully established.

Just to counter it's recommended by the lullaby trust not to force dummies on babies if they spit them out

If baby spits dummy out, definitely remove and "relatch". That's all built in with getting the dummy being actively sucked.

If it's bring pushed out, remove and relatch. If it's just sitting in the mouth doing nothing, remove and relatch. As mentioned, the best way you get baby taking the dummy us to use the same tricks used to get a good breastfeed latch - get baby to turn towards the dummy teat and take it themselves by tickling cheek/upper lip.

Lullaby Trust advise consistent dummy use lowers sids risk. Here's the info:

www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/dummies-and-sids/

When my DS takes the dummy but then it just sits in his mouth, if I gently tug on it as if I'm going to remove it (but don't) it often triggers the sucking reflex.

Don’t force your baby to take a dummy or put it back in if your baby spits it out. Don’t use a neck cord

" dont put back in if baby spits it out "

Yes if baby takes a dummy use consistently is advice

Mine did the long stretch then frequent wake ups, the long stretch gradually got longer and the wake ups less frequent. (Although it was mixed in with good and bad phases).

I found co-sleeping and feeding lying down left me really rested. Accepting it was a big part and meant I didn’t really wake with the feeding as I wasn’t stressing over it.

Sucking for comfort is just as important as feeding for milk so you’re doing great.

Not all babies like using dummies. If your baby repeatedly refuses a dummy, do not force them to take it

Also this from the link provided

thanks all for the advice on dummies. I shall give it another gentle go at different times of the day and see if he will take it but not force it.

and thanks @littledinaco that was just what I needed to hear really. let's hope my lo is same as yours and long stretches start to get longer (last night was shorter )
I know it's not forever and will eventually get better guess it's just good to hear it from others too.

tried feeding laying down last night. worked initially and I quite enjoyed it as managed to dose a little bit but then after a while I think ds saw it as a bit of a buffet and kept grazing longer than he would normally and I couldn't sleep then so put him back in the crib to get another 45 mins sleep in. couldn't imagine not bf as it's generally working well now and just feels right iykwim so learning to accept the night wakings as part of the deal as hard as that is