postpartum is so lonely

[choccyporcupine]

just that. 2 weeks pp with second child and i just feel so lonely and guilty and shitty. on one hand i want to hold newborn a lot and milk every second, on the other hand i see how jealous it makes my toddler and don’t want to hurt my relationship with her. i’m so tired all the time that i feel like i’m being a shit parent to toddler because i don’t have the energy to sit and play with her because i’m getting crap sleep.

feel like the people around me just do not care - second baby doesn’t matter i suppose? the only help i get is when i beg for it from my mum and even then she isn’t much help, even my dad/sister/other family members i thought i was close to don’t even ask how me or baby etc are doing, haven’t had any visitors other than my parents

i know nobody owes me. i’m well aware. i just feel so lonely this time compared to the first time and with the additional feeling of guilt to both children is just shit.

i already have contact with postnatal mental health team as had horrible pnd with dd1 but i don’t see how they can help. they can’t force people around me to help/care and can’t help with my toddlers feelings etc etc

also we planned on 2 dc and i keep having this feeling of complete devastation everytime i think about this being it. no more pregnancy no more newborn stage etc. just done and gone and time i can never revisit.

I am 3 weeks pp tomorrow and feel lonely too. It is my first baby. Feel like every day is just going by in a blur

How are you today OP? Your feelings are completely valid and I understand as I had them too. Please don't trust your feelings this early on. Things will change and things will get better

Would you be up for going out to see other people?

I understand. The extreme loneliness contributed massively to my PND.

I tried to get out most days or ask friends to visit. Not always possible but it helped me. I had fallen into the trap of thinking I didn’t need to meet people just because we had babies in common. That was a bit silly in hindsight. The company was lovely.

That feeling of guilt is completely normal. It doesn't last forever. Awful while it does though.

I had this too. DC2 was born school summer holiday. I had no energy for DC1 (lack of sleep, recovering from emcs, DC2 had a tongue tie that took a while to diagnose/get sorted and was constantly crying due to hunger so needed me constantly). DH would take DC1 out for the day (no point paying for me to go to Paultons Park when I couldn't go on the rides with them). I felt guilty like I was neglecting DC1 and that I'd damage my relationship with her and she'd resent DC2 for usurping her. 6 months on DC1 is happy and involved no damage seems to have been done to relationship with me or DC2. I didn't have any visitors/support when DC1 was born either that said (my parents were out of the country) but yes it was lonely, much more so than I expected it to be and I would get almost overwhelmingly sad that this was my last time. It gets easier. I still get moments where I'm sad that baby days are going for good and almost desperately wish to do it again but mostly its just a joy seeing them develop and grow. It gets better.

I felt like this too. DD1 was just under 2.5 when DD2 was born in April.. i felt so sorry for her, she'd had all of my attention for so long and suddenly I was too knackered to do anything and she had to share me. DD2 had tongue tie, lost a lot of weight and had to have 24 hrs in hospital on day 4 for jaundice. I just tried to make everything feel fun for her, let her more chocolate than usual, let her decide what she wanted on TV, get her involved in nappy changes, picking baby's outfit etc, just put on an excited voice and everything seems brill to them at that age! Like you, it's only our parents that have really bothered with DD2 which I hate, i think excitement wears off after a first child

Oh and just to reassure you, we are 9 months in and it does get easier. I found I'd got in to the swing of things after 7/8 weeks and both kids get plenty of attention. DD1 still likes to have attention all the time but she understands I also have DD2 that needs my attention now, we manage to get out more now and do a bit more, see more people etc

Oh I remember that guilt terribly after DC2 arrived. It was awful. I wasn't even lonely - I had amazing friends around - but the guilt was all encompassing at times. It really does get better, though, and when your kids start playing together, or your older child is 'reading' their baby a story, or your baby is giggling like mad at their big sibling... it's just absolutely magical.