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Dating thread 154 - in which beards are encouraged.

(1000 Posts)
Crustaceans Tue 09-Apr-19 19:13:40

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Link to previous thread:
https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3543468-dating-thread-152-onwards-and-upwards

Crustaceans Tue 09-Apr-19 19:14:52

Sorry about the weird title. It sounds a bit early 20th century children’s novel. 😂

lifegoes Tue 09-Apr-19 19:28:08

Just going to post this again as I'm actually really gutted that what he his response. 😔. This was the guy that kept putting off meeting up

So i sent the this needs to stop message. I was lovely in my response that I needed more than just texting etc and that distance is obv an issue for him. Which I respect.

He replied with I PERHAPS deserve more than he can offer.

I wished him the best and he replied with 😏👋🏻

Honestly how do I even start liking these guys and investing my time in them

Crustaceans Tue 09-Apr-19 19:34:24

He’s a git. There is no perhaps about it. Not even a hint of perhaps. You deserve so much better.

lifegoes Tue 09-Apr-19 19:35:44

I just feel gutted that I said anything. But I don't want to wait around for him to decide if he can meet me. Why are blokes so lovely via text and then turn out to be pricks

JeSuisPrest Tue 09-Apr-19 19:36:01

@lifegoes flowers I'm sorry that it didnt go the way you wanted it to, but if any good comes from this it will be that you may need to reconsider how long you are prepared to message a guy before arranging a first date. Personally, I try and put a limit of one week on it. If we haven't met by then I either (a) get completely over invested - bad. very bad and no good ever comes of it or (b) lose interest because another fresh iron comes along who gets attention.

Not every one who is on the apps actually wants to physically meet someone - most of us do, but some just like then chat/banter/chase and it's an escape from their otherwise quite dull lives with very little investment 🤷‍♀️

Crustaceans Tue 09-Apr-19 19:39:24

I have a kind of vaguely dating related tale of woe today. I’m very grumpy and have decided to whinge here and drink wine.

I should currently be on date (number two hundred and something 😁) with MrSG in Paris. But due to the utter ineptitude of the airline I am at home. I’m flying out tomorrow but I have little confidence they won’t be just as useless tomorrow. There was even a seat available on the flight but the idiot I was dealing with didn’t realise that meant I could sit in it until it was too late. Sigh.

WarIsPeace Tue 09-Apr-19 19:39:47

Love the title for the new thread
Aren't we filling them up quickly grin

KhaleesiTargaryen Tue 09-Apr-19 19:44:59

@lifegoes flowers Ugh, that's crap. What a time waster. Better that you have taken control and called it.

@JeSuisPrest that's really good advice re time limits. I find it totally sad (and annoying) that some people have to do this to inject a bit of fun into their lives.

KhaleesiTargaryen Tue 09-Apr-19 19:46:25

@Crustaceans a date in Paris? That is so extra grin fingers crossed for tomorrow!

Ant330 Tue 09-Apr-19 19:47:08

lifegoes at least you know where you stand now. It's disappointing I know, but better to find out now that he's a wet muppet rather than further down the line.
You said you wanted assertive, he isn't that, he can't even man up and tell you you're right without inserting an ego-saving "perhaps".
Move on, you deserve and will find better wink

StealthNinjaMum Tue 09-Apr-19 19:47:22

lifegoes that's shit, but as crustaceans said he's a git and you knew it wasn't right so you dealt with it well. Please don't dwell on it, he's not worth it. flowers

TooOldForThis67 Tue 09-Apr-19 19:47:42

MrDrummer - you are funny!

unique1986 Tue 09-Apr-19 19:48:15

@Sunshine
If he really wants unprotected sex then who's to say he isn't lying about sleeping with someone else?
I just mean if someone doesn't want to wear condoms then they would just lie.

ccgirr Tue 09-Apr-19 19:49:08

Life 💐 was distance not an issue for you? I think if it’s going to be a ltr they need to be close. Maybe Jesuis right in that reluctance to meet should have been flag enough that he not arsed. Some are just good texters and play on that. Sure one of the men said if the man keen it shouldn’t be hard work. NEXT!
Crust thanks for new thread

lifegoes Tue 09-Apr-19 20:00:43

@ccgirr no I wasn't fussed, I offered to meet half way and even go there just to meet for a coffee. Each time he agreed and then said he couldn't as he had the kids.

@Ant330 that really got to me the "perhaps". He was so lovely via text all the right things, ticking all the boxes. But he just kept putting off meeting me. And I do need a strong man that takes charge a bit.

Thanks all, Just a bit sad this keeps happening to me.

likeridingabike Tue 09-Apr-19 20:04:00

My (not sure what to call him yet) bloke seems to have passed the test, he hasn't logged onto Fab since he told me he had logged on because he'd had a message and wanted to check why because he thought he'd deleted the account - which he had because I was there when he did it (I wonder if it was a site message to tempt him back rather than a message from another member) despite a new friend request being sent to tempt him.

He's still showing as active but provided he's not logging in and responding to messages I'm going to accept this may be a technical glitch, and I'll just keep checking. I like that he hasn't once questioned why I'm still on there or why I'm checking up on him, which I'm doing openly, he just seems to want to prove he's not up to anything. I keep expecting him to kick off defensively as my ex would have done.

Does anyone else find that post divorce (ex cheated) you struggle to trust your gut instinct where the opposite sex and relationships are concerned? Anyway I appear to be in a relationship.

lifegoes Tue 09-Apr-19 20:04:26

@JeSuisPrest totally agree. That's why I kept trying to arrange to meet him. Even from the second day of texting. Twice we agreed and then he couldn't, I even offered to come to him.
I don't like texting for long, it doesn't feel right for anyway.

He always gave the impression that he wanted to but couldn't. I tried to end it twice and he kept saying he would sort something. Yes I'm a fool, I am pleased I've ended it rather than him moving on to someone else kinda deal.

Just another mistake

WarIsPeace Tue 09-Apr-19 20:05:38

Love the title for the new thread
Aren't we filling them up quickly grin

crackofdoom Tue 09-Apr-19 20:21:57

Well, I decided to bite the bullet and message the amazing man I met on Saturday night, the one I really really liked, but didn't know if he was into me....

I actually made a little tableau of Lego figures waving signs saying "That was fun, shall we do it again sometime?" (I know, but I enjoyed myself doing it, and thought it was funny, and it does kind of tie in with our conversations), and sent him a picture.

I thought I'd get a) a message saying "Sorry, but no spark", b) ignored, c) some kind of cute photo in return. Instead, he replied "Hello!". That's it.

That video on mindfuckery from the end of the last thread was extremely timely, I feel confused.

ItsAMiracle2015 Tue 09-Apr-19 20:41:08

Oh lifegoes that's shit 😣. How long had you been talking? Only just catching up on the thread as had a long day at work.

I'm way overinvested in Mr Guitarist (which we all know) but I'm just allowing it. Normally I'd try chatting to others to stop myself but I just don't see the point. If it ends in shit, then it ends in shit but at least I've tried 🤷. He's away this weekend (both our child free weekend) and he lives an hour away so it does appear meeting is going to be difficult. But he does seem keen and I'm consciously trying not to overthink or self sabotage.

lifegoes Tue 09-Apr-19 20:51:24

@ItsAMiracle2015 it's the guy I blocked on WhatsApp. So for texting for 2/3 weeks now. He came back via text and said He'd messed up and he'll sort something to meet up. I've got really invested it and he's been so amazing the past few days. But again 2 days after he said, nothing is mentioned. I just realised that I needed to bite the bullet and actually say something, hoping he might actually say ok right here's the dates.

I know the 2/3 weeks might not sound long to some as he had his kids, but I just wanted plans. Some form of action that proved he wanted to see me.

likeridingabike Tue 09-Apr-19 20:53:05

Not meeting for weeks after chatting I can't cope with, too many men wanting pen pals, so two week maximum always worked for me.

Not being able to meet more than a couple of times a week suits me fine, I'm used to having time to myself/with DD and time for friends now, so even in a LTR a couple of times a week and the odd full weekend is ideal. We all have different lifestyles I suppose and different expectations.

ItsAMiracle2015 Tue 09-Apr-19 20:53:10

He's a twat lifegoes. Be strong. You deserve more.

lifegoes Tue 09-Apr-19 20:55:38

@likeridingabike that's exactly it. I wouldn't mind if he had planned something in. But twice we had something and both times he had to cancel.

I don't want to see him every day! Once a week would have been enough for me. ESP with my life. But I couldn't even get the first date.

He just text ALL the time

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