Dating thread 154 - in which beards are encouraged.

[Crustaceans]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Link to previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3543468-dating-thread-152-onwards-and-upwards

Fuck it! 100% wear what makes you feel good! I wore a LBD to pub to meet Mr Peru and felt great....I have hit an age when I don't care what other people, people I don't know, think of me!

Thank you for advice, I will email Mr Peru, I already know he is an owl, I am a lark. I will explain it has gone too fast and that I would like to still see him but not ready to be exclusive. I was married for 20 years, feels super odd considering talking to more than one potential date, let alone go out with more than one!

I didn't get fireworks with Mr Peru - do they even exist or am I holding out for an impossible dream?

I will message Mr Mill after I have emailed Mr Peru - thank god I am on Easter holidays else I have no idea how I would find time for this carry on!!

@Matchedandmuddled We sound in similar situations- I came out of a long marriage and wanted a bit of fun, but ended up dating my first iron for 4 months🙄 . We ended and I'm having lots of fun now. Don't let MrPeru dictate the terms to you, you get just as much of a say in it as he does. Fireworks are absolutely possible and I don't settle for less. Some people like a slow burner, but I need an immediate attraction to someone. I'll admit I'm as shallow as a puddle, but having spent the best part of 20yrs putting someone else first, it's my turn now.

JeSuis - thank you, wonderful to hear you are having fun, which is exactly what I am after!

I have just emailed Mr Peru and the ball is in his court. I will now see if Mr Mill is still interested!

Way too early for him to be saying you need to declare other irons, the bloody cheek of him.
I've said once we're shagging, it's exclusive (mutually agreed with current one) until then everyone is free to do what they like.

Personally I'd just ignore it and point out that you are single and just getting to know each other yet. I've gone invisible on my apps by choice but I haven't told him and I haven't asked him to do the same, it's my decision. Ffs my vagina is an invitation only zone and only I decide the guest list.

Thanks Warls. When he suggested I didn't message other men I felt a bit mean or uncomfortable saying that I wanted to - as if he wasn't good enough, but I had only had one date with him by this point. Guess I am so used to putting other people first that I have already prioritised his happiness over mine.

Think I need to toughen up and go for what I want - not that I know what that is but need to have a chance to find! Bloody hell this was meant to be fun!

Back online, and place marking - lots to catch up on!

@nowthefunbegins Gosh that sounds awful. I had that after 4 months and felt like I'd been punched in the chest, it came as such a shock. 8 months must be terrible. . What do you want to do going forward. Have a break from dating? Get back in the saddle? Everyone is different. Personally I started dating again straight away because I'm a chronic over thinker and I knew I'd just turn into a Facebook/Instagram/WhatsApp stalker and spiral into a pit of despair. A month on and several fun dates some nice guys I barely give him a second thought. Big hugs lovely.

Also when I went onto the dating site to see who had winked at me, I winked at Mr Peru, he then said I did that just to cover up the fact I was on the dating site! Made me feel that I was being monitored....this isn't sounding good is it?

@matched I'm not good at red flags but that sounds controlling.

I'm another one out of a 20 year plus marriage and stumbling through OLD. Today I've been favourited on Match by some Algerians As I'm not attracting many locals, perhaps it's a sign!

@JeSuisPrest A pit of despair is a good analogy for how I’m feeling this morning. I just didn’t see it coming. I’m 2 years out of a 20 year marriage and I really thought I’d found a good one. I’m wallowing in self pity today. I need to get a grip but it’s just so hard.

Doesn't sound very inspiring, no. It's way too early for this much pressure matched
It should be fun.
It doesn't sound fun.

@nowthefunbegins and @lifegoes you're worth so much more.

@Matchedandmuddled No that doesn't sound good. I think it's an unwritten rule that you don't mention when you see your irons online unless you've agreed to pull/hide your profiles. MrStone is very honest about the fact he has one other iron who he has hasn't met yet, but shes not kinky like me (I don't think I am kinky 🤷‍♀️) and I'm the front runner 🙄. That's fine, we've had one date and a polite peck on the lips. He's not my front runner though 😂. He is handsome and funny and a bit like an excitable puppy and if I fancy a bit of fun whilst MrPlumber is away he'd be there with bells on. No one is getting hurt and we're all grown ups.

@Matchedandmuddled fireworks are definitely possible. Don’t settle - it’s never worth it.

I can’t believe he compared you to his other iron @JeSuisPrest. You just don’t tell people where they rank relative to the competition. That’s rude if nothing else.

I’m sorry you’re feeling so bad @Nowthefunbegins. Breakups are horrible.

Wear the blouse, skinnies and flats @shitwithsugaron. If anyone makes you feel overdressed in that, they’re underdressed. My go-to date outfit was a denim midi skirt with a vest, cardie and flats. I decided it was suitable for all occasions.

I can’t remember what any other date actually wore. I don’t think it registered at all. I can remember exactly what MrSG wore though, presumably because I was actually interested. (It was his favourite shirt and jeans, with trainers; I think we were probably comparably dressed tbh). I actually have a really vivid image in my head of the first time I saw him, walking towards me looking really quite nervous. I think I might hold on to that image forever.

Bloody hell I go for an all night shag fest with Mr Big and you guys start a new thread!

Welcome newbies

matches no fireworks and some red flags. Doesn’t sound fun I would get rid

@Matchedandmuddled you're right that's not sounding good! I am in a similar position to Mr Peru in that I have had two dates with a guy and stopped going on Match because I don't really want more than one iron at a time. But I haven't told him that (it might scare him away) and I wouldn't dream of telling him he can't chat to other women, obviously that would be controlling.

@lifegoes hope you're having a better day today.

@shitwithsugaron wear what you like. I am usually overdressed and don't really care what anyone thinks.

@Crustaceans It doesn't bother me with MrStone - we have a very jokey "relationship". I give as good as I get, believe me. I'd be upset if MrPlumber or MrCornish did it though, it's more serious with them.

@shitwithsugaron That outfit sounds perfect 👍. I always try and look my best - I'd rather be overdressed than underdressed for a date. I've even started wearing smarter clothes to work in case an iron suggests an impromptu lunch date 😳 usually end up with a supermarket sandwich in a mucky white van but hey ho, it's all good 🤷‍♀️

@Marlboroandmalbec34 Which outfit did you wow him with - b I hope 😳👍

jesuis outfit B. I think he liked it 😁 I have had very little sleep. I also have started dressing up for work just in case I get asked for coffee.

shitwith I always like to look nice for my own sake. Wear what makes you feel good

So update on my feelings re Mr Big.. every time I see him I always leave with the same feeling. He is great, sex is great but I don’t want anything else from him. I think it’s the 2 weeks gaps with all the messaging that builds him up in my head because when I am with him we have a good laugh about our other irons and I don’t feel anything other than he is my friend (with super benefits) how strange is that?

Well if you will go for all night shag fests, @Marlboroandmalbec34, we have to find ways to entertain ourselves especially when some of us should have been having sex in Paris rather than sitting about in my house.

It’s good that you’ve clarified what you want from Mr Big. That makes things easier.

I also have a limit life - unless there are extremely compelling reasons why you can't meet up, if they haven't made an effort in a week, it's not worth it

I broke that rule twice - once for MrNorthLondon who was a complete twat and the other time for MrMusic who wasn't a twat but was very flakey. Lesson learned!

I'm STILL not back on the apps but probably only a few weeks off. it's very nice not worrying about them all the time I have to say!

unique I think it's fine to be curious surely (was it you that asked about women?)