Dating thread 154 - in which beards are encouraged.

[Crustaceans]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Link to previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3543468-dating-thread-152-onwards-and-upwards

JeSuisPrest

@JeSuisPrest 😂😂 love it!

So had a last minute date with MrFox tonight for a 'quick' drink. He turned up with a bunch of my favourite flowers. I think I melted a little ☺️
Still a perfect gentleman and we could've talked all night. 🙃

30 This just gets better and better :)

@StealthNinjaMum One point from the video "was otherwise perfect"

I guess we need to accept we'll never understand them.

You are very much assuming that they understand themselves. That applies to both male and female. I really recommend (said this before) The Chimp Paradox by Professor Peter Stevens.. gives an excellent model for understanding how emotions can drive us to do things that we don't understand and aren't actually in our best interests. Reading it was life changing, for me.

Been lurking for months but so fed up tonight. The guy I’ve been seeing for 8 months from old said he just wasn’t feeling it anymore. We’ve been away for several weekends, met my family, planning to go away this summer then BANG doesn’t want any of it anymore. Told me he loved me last week - just lies. Utterly miserable😢

@MrDrummer Thanks. Oh that's a coincidence, a friend suggested this week I buy The Hidden Chimp by the same guy and I ordered it from Amazon. I've been having this conversation with my daughter about how she should be more self aware and understand whether her behaviour is caused by her emotions, rational thought or habit. She's been struggling with her father walking out. If I like The Hidden Chimp I'll get the Chimp Paradox.

@Nowthefunbegins I'm so sorry to hear that. Back to what I was saying above I just don't understand how these people do that. Do you have support in real life? Please look after yourself.

I have that book @MrDrummer I've not read it. Been sitting in my kindle for years now.

I must read it.

@StealthNinjaMum as if I just updated my photos on tinder and he liked one of them. Probably didn't realise it was me. I totally forgot I still had him in my messages.

@StealthNinjaMum I haven't read the Hidden Chimp but I think it came after the Paradox. It is an excellent read, although a heavy tome at time. The relationship stuff is excellent. The tl;dr is never settle for someone. Just keep looking for the right person. I have been settling for the wrong person all my life. And it has brought me nothing but misery. There is another book... The Silent Guides plus there is an online community called The Troop, which is a support network, which I was planning to join. I probably have to re-read the paradox again and get the other two. Got his name wrong Prof Steven Peters

For those that are interested, take a look at...

Thanks for this Drummer I do love reading/watching things like this.

@lifegoes Can't recommend it enough... also "Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway" is a great book (although pretty repetitive and thus I didn't finish it, but I still got a lot out of it) I think Amazon do an abridged version for just a £1

@lifegoes maybe he just likes everyone's photos? Tosser.

@MrDrummer The Hidden Chimp is about helping children so maybe not relevant to you now (apologies if I've got you confused with Hairy but I think you have a grown up child?) Will watch the youtube video in the morning.

@StealthNinjaMum Ah, I didn't realise it was for children. Just looked and it looks quite good but my daughter is too old for it. I didn't do all the exercises in the paradox, so I will have to go back and re-read it. The video is just an explanation of why we end up with unhelpful emotions, e.g. fear of rejection, etc, that stop us doing the things that we want to do.

Hi everyone I’m just introducing myself after reading the whole last thread then frantically looking for the next one. I was recommended this thread after posting my own woe is me tale about old. Thank you too whoever said to join this thread. You are all just lovely and supportive to each other. 💐💐💐xxx

Hey @Lollyjack welcome to the new thread -sorry I put the link for the old one up for you, I didnt realise how close we were to a new thread, and it moves pretty fast. Feel free to jump in where ever and tell us about any irons you have or dates lined up. Get your toe back in the water after your last experience

@30somethingandsingle I'm getting the warm fuzzies about MrFox. What a gent.

lifegoes unless he lives in the arse end of nowhere I'd be suspicious of somebody telling me there's nothing to do where they live. They may be either hiding something from you, or you from somebody else.
I wouldn't take every new 1st date into my local, but surely there are other options in the vicinity?
Anyway you've done the right thing, forget and move on.

Place-marking,
@JeSuis - you're on a par with Alan Partridge

Your post Je Suis about having three irons on the go really hit the mark.

I feel quite guilty about it all, although of course they could be doing the very same thing.

Also, I’m so confused about them all. I think I have a clear front runner but then one from the back pulls in front with an insightful conversation or some fantastic date idea.

So far for me. I am on date no.3 with Mr Hotel (he stayed in a hotel last time). He has just changed jobs and it means we won’t get to see each other much, I’m up for a FWB type situation but not so sure about him.

Mr Barge - haven’t met him yet. Had some phone conversations. He seems crackers and doesn’t follow any OLD rules which I like. I need to check out some of his stories to see if he’s bullshitting before I get too excited.

Mr Beany - He said he looked like a bean when I said I’d been on a date with a potato. I haven’t met him either, he is lovely and sensitive and insightful. Again, different from what I’ve come across.

By next week I should have met them all and this should be easier 😬😬😬

JeSuisPrest your description of Mr Plumber was hilarious. I'll probably remember it when I have my boiler serviced next (that's not an innuendo!)

lifegoes sorry you've had such a crap time. Put it down to experience. Each interaction we have on OLD helps us learn about ourselves and what we want. And hones your bullshit detector!

MrDrummer haven't seen your profile so I've no idea what you look like. But you come across very well on here. I can't understand why you get no interest.

But I'm in the same position. Sometimes I feel invisible on the apps and have to check I haven't hidden my profile.

Found the new thread, love the title, was at the gym yesterday eying up a lovely bearded man.

POF has been super busy withnidiots messaging me that live 100+ miles away, I mean what makes them think I’m going to want to meet up with someone who lives 3 hours away? I think I need to change my settings.

Things are going a bit slow with my potential irons, I have a date tomorrow but not with the one I want a date with. I need to spend some time later replying to messages and finding some new irons.

JeSuis you win the Internet.

I'm not keeping any other irons at the moment, but have a reserve just in case, kind of.

Dear all, would really appreciate your wisdom. I have been following your threads for some time now, loved the packing for the night away one! Anyhow, I joined Match and had a date on Thursday, I will call him Mr Peru. It was good and I saw him Saturday and we have plans again for Thursday! BUT he has taken his profile off match saying he is only interested in me, he says he doesn't expect me to do the same but does want me to tell him if I am chatting with any other men.

I am only recently single and was looking forward to dating but I feel a bit trapped already! This is not right is it? I don't want to not chat to other men, I don't want lie to Mr Peru. Mr Mill has messaged me, he has a mill in France, but feel I can't respond. This is crazy that I feel that I can't do what I want because Mr Peru has said he thinks he is falling for me and has been hurt in the past.

Never expected to be in this sort of mess so quickly!

Advice will be super appreciated. Thank you and good luck to us one and all!

MrPeru is being very unfair and quite controlling. You’ve had one date. One. Telling you what you can and can’t do because he’s ‘falling for you’ is not a good sign.

Talk to MrMill and tell MrPeru that you aren’t ready for exclusivity. He may put an end to it, but I don’t think that is necessarily a bad thing.

Today I am making my second attempt to get to Paris.

@Matched I think you just need to be honest with him and tell him that you are enjoying his company but that you are not ready to be exclusive.

I would prefer someone is honest with me so that I could make my own decisions on whether I was happy to continue dating.

Three dates is pretty early to be committing but personally I can't date more than one person at a time so maybe he's just the same.

Hi lolly
matched I would say say proceed with caution with Mr Peru - could be genuine but could he lovebombing to be so intense so quickly.I would carry on chatting with Mr Mill for the moment until you have exclusive chat without Mr Peru (which you may or may not end up wanting to do at some point).Not sure what others would advise about how open you are with Mr Peru about still chatting to others.