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What's your best sporn story?

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Ouchbloodyouch Tue 10-Feb-15 23:34:56

How excited do you get when you see KLAXON? Sometimes you get a few in a week.. sometimes there is a drought! So in order to keep us sporners truly satisfied can we do our ultimate ultimate sporn stories? I've just shared my blackhead story on another thread (TAAT guilt) but this is my best..if it looks familiar its because I have posted it under a different name.
Many years ago I became aware of a very sharp pain on my left side. Between the hip and the buttock. Upon examination there wasn't much to be seen other than something that looked like a teeny pimple. I pierced the top with a sterile needle and nothing happened. Owing to the position of the 'pimple' I had to grab my flesh to bring it to a better viewing position.. well.. as I did that the pressure I applied caused a jet of pus to spew three feet across the room. In an arc! I've never seen the like. After evacuating the pimple I took a hot bath and tried again. Lo and behold it happened again to a lesser extent.
That was it. The best half hour of my life. I've never had anything like it since.
Over to you. .

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HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway Tue 10-Feb-15 23:38:24

I am hardcore. My favourite one was a youtube clip that involved rubber gloves, a retching man and a lump the size of a mango.

I have it bookmarked.

I suppose one could argue that this makes me a little odd but I can live with that :D

My own personal best has to be the one that went pop pffft in the shower after some hot water and, well, basically having the life throttled out of it.

Ouchbloodyouch Tue 10-Feb-15 23:48:42

Then there are those ones that go 'pffft' when you least expect it. I had a huge one on my forehead that went when I was driving (by a quick touch) I didn't even get to examine the content as I was on the M4..

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Ouchbloodyouch Tue 10-Feb-15 23:49:53

Howcan I need more detail on that wink

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HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway Tue 10-Feb-15 23:51:49

which one? The youtube one or the one I throttled in the shower? grin

BiscuitsofYum Tue 10-Feb-15 23:55:23

I love a good sporn.. My dp thinks I'm weird so I feel at home when I see threads like this!

My fave sporn is one of dps back.. It looks like a pimple and when you squeeze it... It goes on and on for ages! Oh its heaven! And the best bit is it fills up every few months!

The best ones I have is the ones that make the audio pop. There's always a sense of relief when hearing the sound!

HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway Tue 10-Feb-15 23:57:40

My husband has lots of bobbly bits on the back of his thighs.

In 16 years of marriage he has NEVER let me near them.

Leave them alone, he says. They go away if you leave them alone, he says.

It's enough to make me kill him and carry out the procedure post mortem weep.

AlleyCat11 Wed 11-Feb-15 00:00:28

I have keratosis pilaris. I remember the very first time I squeezed one. Sitting in the sunshine in Regents Park, aged 25, I noticed a white lump on my arm. So I squeezed it. Well, the satisfaction! It was the beginning of a long campaign of destroying the skin on my arms. I used to wear vests all the time but I was soon limited to long sleeve tops. I've had some corkers, but I've more or less broken the habit now. However, I can't resist if I see a good one poking out under my skin...

DrEllieSattler Wed 11-Feb-15 00:08:15

My stupid DP won't let me play with home either HowCanIMiss angry

I had a beautiful moment in the bath. A large lump on my labia majora... It was a hard marble lump, you know the sort. Combination of the hot bath, the fiddling and the fiddling... I got behind it and I HEARD the pop from under the water. 'Twas beautiful.

It hasn't come back sad

Marmitelover55 Wed 11-Feb-15 00:13:15

I remember sitting on the beach in my cossie one summer. I noticed a largish lump in my groin area and felt quite excited smile Anyway, I proceeded to squeeze and the mist monumental amount of white yucky stuff cams squirting out. I kept squeezing discretely and it kept on coming and coming. I couldn't believe how much was in there. Hopefully no one realised what I was up to. The smell of it was pretty foul too but lovely....

Icimoi Wed 11-Feb-15 00:22:13

The ones in and around your ears. You can feel them going from all sides, and you hear the popping so clearly.

Tobyjugg Wed 11-Feb-15 00:23:59

Did some D-I-Y using an old screwdriver. Got a callous on my palm and a flake of paint off the screwdriver's handle must have got into it. Hand swelled up, painful and red. A couple of days later, after washing hands in hot water, I flexed my hand, and the next thing I know I have a handful of pus. About a dessert spoon full. Hand went back to normal size and colour almost at once.

EBearhug Wed 11-Feb-15 00:27:10

Have you considered divorce, HowCanIMissYou?

I have early memories of my mother squeezing my father's back; he'd once fallen into a thorn bush when he was in Africa, and apparently for some reason, that was responsible for the good harvest.

My last boyfriend had hydrathing supprativa, but he kept being all sensible and not letting me near him. Sometimes, his armpits got so bad that just raising his arm was enough to produce a stream of pus. every now and then, medics got to drain the abscesses and abrade and pack the cavity. The golf-ball sized one that meant he couldn't put his arm by his side must have been fun for them.

(That's not actually why he's ex, though. Despite the fact he never got them to film them draining it.)

foofooyeah Wed 11-Feb-15 00:27:18

I had an infected cyst in my back. I was due to have surgery and the surgeon said she would have to deal with that first. 'I will take my knife to that' she said.
She did and the thing splattered her and the two nurses.
Was like a small bomb going off.

QueenofallIsee Wed 11-Feb-15 00:28:31

I have 2 - massive ingrown hair on my bikini line. I noticed it in the shower, picking the hair out was amazing, it was inch long at least and all surrounded by pus.

My lifelong love of sporn was formed at about 13. For some reason I got 3 blackheads on my upper lip, close together. I had no idea what they were, my Mum was itching to get at them but I kept refusing....after a few mths I squeezed them. The white squiggly line that shot out was like nothing I had ever seen sighs happily. I actually wished they would come back but have never a blackhead again.

Knottyknitter Wed 11-Feb-15 00:36:53

Aged 12; the week of school photos (it's special).

Enormous yellow lump in centre of chin. Became more and more painful as it got bigger and shinier.

Eventually gave up on the good girls cleanser and clearasil none of which had had any effect anyway, and stabbed it with a tcped earring.

The relief was amazing. It turned into a liquid glob three times it's original size and returned after wiping away several times (with a bit of a squeeze once it was slowing down)

Never had one like it since.

rootypig Wed 11-Feb-15 00:45:18

DD's TB jab (at 1mo) gave her a huge, green pustule on her tiny little arm. She was about 4mo by the time it reached bursting point. I was desperate to pop it but was very restrained. I looked it up several times, and I knew I shouldn't. So I left it, far, far longer than I ever would anything on my own body, watching with a desperate fascination. And one day after her bath, the tiny little scab holding everything together gave way and the most astonishing quantity of bright green pus flowed forth. As I gently squeezed wiped, more and more. I still cannot believe how much pus was in her arm or that I didn't video it.

Motherhood is so fulfilling.

TaliZorahVasNormandy Wed 11-Feb-15 00:50:30

My ex used to have some amazing zits. Best one was when I noticed a huge black mark on his chin, got the trusty tweezers out. It was his facial hair that grown together in a lump, got infected. Omg was that fun to pull out.

Oh I had a huge zit at the top of my thigh. Give it a squeeze, it went "pfft" and what looked like vaseline came out.

Ahhhh the feels.

TaliZorahVasNormandy Wed 11-Feb-15 00:53:35

Pooty, that reminds me of the time I had TB jab at 13. It turned into a huge pus filled lump. Being a stupid teen, I stuck a pin in it, pus came out, scabbed over, stupid teen again, picked the scab to reveal a whole in my arm.

I still have the scar 19 years later.

rootypig Wed 11-Feb-15 00:59:48

That is the sort of thing I would do to myself. DD is PFB and so I managed to control myself, just about. She has a scar....presumably by the time her arm is grown up size, it will be a little one.

My TB never pussed in such spectacular fashion!

Mouthfulofquiz Wed 11-Feb-15 01:01:39

It ws about about 15 years ago... My dad had a pain between his shoulders and asked me to take a look. There was a tiny red dot there - almost invisible. Anyway, I pressed it, and BOOOOOOOOOOOM.
White thick pus, everywhere. And it kept on and on and and on.
And my dad gave me £20 for my efforts.

tinkerbelletigger Wed 11-Feb-15 01:36:29

Oh god, this makes me so happy grin

Ouchbloodyouch Wed 11-Feb-15 06:42:04

My son is starting to get blackheads. He won't let me near them. Spoilsport.
Howcan the shower one please. These stories are amazing! I had a spot on my shoulder once that would not squeeze despite my best efforts. I butchered it so much that it had a layer of dry skin on it which I peeled off. I had another go and it had GREEN pus in it. I now have a scar and a refilling blackhead in its place.
mouthful you got PAID for that? You lucky lady! I'd have given 20 quid for that! '

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EugenesAxe Wed 11-Feb-15 06:52:39

I too love sporn but have not been well blessed with experiences of it. I think the unexpected ones are the nicest - I had a zit in my ear. The first time I became aware of it I went in with my nail for a recce and it splutched open onto it. I removed my finger and there was a big blob of bloody pus on the nail; my ear bled for sometime afterwards.

I had a few snakers and exploders when a teen but nothing that prolific.

meandjulio Wed 11-Feb-15 07:11:30

I had a boyfriend with wonderful oily skin that made the most beautiful blackheads (always my favourite). I remember a sunny afternoon in the park when he had his head in my lap and let me at his face... small grey smidge on his cheek produced a dark point followed by a smedge of grey shiny matter... repeat...

There was also one date where he held forth about his facial cysts and usual management techniques. I have never listened so hard to anything.

I spent 3.5 years trying to stretch that relationship out [sigh]

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