Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!!!!!!! I have LITERALLY twatted a spider to death

[Honeydragon]

I have just been to the loo, had a wee and saw something rather large and dark on the loo paper. Looked and it was a spider, a squished, slightly warm very dead spider.

I have suffocated a spider with my fanjo. Worse I have had a spider residing in my pants and not known.

I couldn't even scream as the entire family are asleep in various parts of the house with the vomity fluy thing.

Could the spider have been on the toilet roll, rather than in your pants? Even so..

Christ.

You need [brandy] for that. just isn't going to cut it.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Sorry, that's all I have to add.

Hahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Also what TooMany said. Even though I nearly ate one last week.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooiiiiIIeeeeesss

No, I already had the paper in my hand iyswim?

Actually that would be worse, it would mean I'd smeared myself with spider

Have you counted all the legs on the corpse?

Nooooooooooo! That is truly awful, and I say that as someone who does not mind spiders.

Also, hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Oh Dragon... I've just nearly laughed this baby out!
Thank you... if you could elaborate and make me laugh some more I could actually have this baby some time this year!

Was it one of those giant mutant spiders? The ones that come armed!?

That gave me the lulz SueP

Well, quite. Imagine feeling a tickle later on...

Sue you total fucker, I have just ran upstairs and nearly broke my spine trying to contort myself to look for errant spider legs!!!!!!!!!

I don't mind spiders....till they choose to die in my chuff

ohgodohgodohgod there isn't enough brain bleach in the world for this.

Mwahahahahahaha

Have you popped a conker up there now, to be on the safe side?

Sue

No!

Spikes on or off?

This is a horror film waiting to be made, surely

Off. The shells have no power and are prickly.

One word.

Nest.

You do know the conker thing is a lie don't you?

I'm all itchy and can't stop clenching.

GreenEyesandNiceHam

one word

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

This is the best thread title EVER.

Did the cobwebs not give you a clue?

YY. What if Squished Charlotte left her egg sac behind? Lots of little spiderlings, making a run for the light. Some may not make it. Some may go north and no good can come of that.