Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!!!!!!! I have LITERALLY twatted a spider to death

[Honeydragon]

I have just been to the loo, had a wee and saw something rather large and dark on the loo paper. Looked and it was a spider, a squished, slightly warm very dead spider.

I have suffocated a spider with my fanjo. Worse I have had a spider residing in my pants and not known.

I couldn't even scream as the entire family are asleep in various parts of the house with the vomity fluy thing.

I don't want spider babies!

oh god what if they pour out my eyeballs?

nooooo, that would never happen.

ears

Oh dear Honey- you are having a bad day aren't you?

Sue

You truely are an example of why Mumsnet is simply the best place to go for help in your hour of need.

Surely if my lady bits killed Mum they'd kill the babies. It was a quite large one does that make it a boy

LOL that the thread title demonstrates the correct usage of literally.

Silly, girls are always bigger. Think Black Widow.

Girls are always bigger.

Brings a whole new meaning to 'checking for spiderlegs'

Incey mingey spider climbed up the muff
Down came the wee and washed the spider off

Nutty, after 24 hours of being vomited on my various family members you'd think the Arachnids of the house would choose another fanjo to perish in

Little Miss Muff
Was wiping her Chuff
With a sheet of Velvet
A giant great spider
Was nesting inside her
So she screamed and tried to kill it.

Oh, I clicked on this in a fury, all ready to point out that you did, in no way literally twat a spider to death.

I stand corrected

My deepest sympathies.

Crying at the poetry

You do realise there are scores of MNers now crossing their legs and refusing liquids.

Tomorrow's "Happy To Help" advice - UTIs. Sales of cranberry juice go stratospheric.

Oh my good God

How's your pelvic floor? If you've been keeping up with the exercises, you should be able to expel any lingerers.

Was about to roll up my pedants' sleeves and go on about how people who say "literally" invariably go on to describe something figuratively.

However...hahahahahahahaha.

Just be glad you don't live here in Australia, that's all I can say.:o

Best thread title, after the one about the woman who told her husband his cock was small and now he wants a divorce.

Blast you, Psammead. You got there first.

It is fitting that the eulogy of the spider should take place on the web.

Oh great not only have I potentially got spiderbabies, I've got a thread title that is attractive to Pedants

You could be a new MN superhero - Spiderfan!

I'm not a pedant! I'm just ped-curious.

I wonder how long it's been there? And was in it your knicks when you put them on this morning?

Spiderfans arch enemy - Dr Mooncup

Psammead I am trying very hard not to consider that question

Fiderer Good point if it happened to me it could happen to ANY Mnetter

Dame I am wearing DrMooncup now, clearly DrMooncup is fucking useless