Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!!!!!!! I have LITERALLY twatted a spider to death

[Honeydragon]

I have just been to the loo, had a wee and saw something rather large and dark on the loo paper. Looked and it was a spider, a squished, slightly warm very dead spider.

I have suffocated a spider with my fanjo. Worse I have had a spider residing in my pants and not known.

I couldn't even scream as the entire family are asleep in various parts of the house with the vomity fluy thing.

Little Miss Honey
Sat on the dunny
Enjoying her afternoon pee
On the tissue to wipe her
She saw a dead spider
And wailed 'oh why the fuck me'

Please see my profile. There was an article in the paper recently. You may have given birth to a spider.

Honey at least it stopped it climbing too far - maybe it has a rubber allergy and that's what killed it....

Or was it, you know, inside a while? Scuttling and so forth?

Spider baby. Body of a baby - mind of a spider

Did you hear the pitter-patter-pitter-patter-pitter-patter-pitter-patter of tiny feet at all?

Oh dear god. You do know they come in pairs...

I am going to have nightmares for WEEKS!

Holy Shit

Are you absolutely definitely positive honey?

Could it not have been a clump of pubes or something??

Just the funniest thing I've read all day! Really cheered me up!

(gave my pjs a thorough shake before putting them on just now...)

Did it have boxing gloves on? Boy spiders wear boxing gloves according to DD1

it was definitely a spider it had eight eyeballs and eight hobnailed boots and had been wedged in my fanj for a as yet unconfirmed time period.

I have had a bath and am happy to report no spider legs or babies surfaced.

but did you check thoroughly?

oh god this is the funniest thing I have read in a long time. And I also openes the thread because I wanted to see how anyone could possibly LITERALLY twat a spider to death...

Honeydragon you will never know how much I needed a bit of light relief today. Thank you.

I do hope the bath was enough...

Honeydragon - This is the worst thing that has ever happened to anyone anywhere ever.

This is worse than the half naked running hobnob lady and has replaced that to become my new biggest-fear-that-isn't-likely-to-happen-to-me-but-still-scares-the-bejesus-out-of-me-just-in-case-it-does.

How is it possible that you are not still in the shower, screaming with horror and drinking a large amount of gin to help you forget?

OMG that's horrible, you poor thing. I remember when I rolled over in bed and squished a spider with my naked shoulder. Didn't find out til morning and caught sight of it in the mirror. Didn't scream, but did move the bedroom around and haven't slept next to an open window since!

Can't get past Sue's conker comment, am crying with laughter and only came on the thread to tut at your use of "literally" (a bug bear of mine, although I think you have more of a bug bear, literally) or is that bug beaver?

I think the bath helped

I am wearing my tightest knickers now though and may possibly seal the edges with glue

Oh god, I can't breathe.. this is THE funniest thing I have ever read. FACT.

BUT - I will now forever check the entire bathroom for the Fucking Bastard Arachnids every time I wee.

Maybe the spider was dwelling in the crapper and came up to bite meet you?

this makes me feel better about the spider that got squashed by my baps.

It clearly thought it had found a delightful haven in my brassiere but ended up looking like it had been steamrollered.

Dh has just read this and asked:

Was it a funnel spider?

Was it after the flies?

Would anyone like to hear about the frog I found on the rim of my loo one day?