Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!!!!!!! I have LITERALLY twatted a spider to death

[Honeydragon]

I have just been to the loo, had a wee and saw something rather large and dark on the loo paper. Looked and it was a spider, a squished, slightly warm very dead spider.

I have suffocated a spider with my fanjo. Worse I have had a spider residing in my pants and not known.

I couldn't even scream as the entire family are asleep in various parts of the house with the vomity fluy thing.

So little miss muffit
Taped up her gusset
( a good idea)

I would just go with sleeping in a full wetsuit if I were you...

HopeEternal - I want to hear about it.

Has it erm, been a while HD? I am rofling at your Miss Haversham chuff.

You should have signed up to a casual sex website to blow away the cobwebs, and this never would have happened.

um. maybe it was a chap spider.

who has now impregnated you

and in 9 months you will feel the urge to create a nest and lay about 40, 000 eggs which will then hatch out into 40,000 babies who you will have to try to breastfeed and imagine the nappies and pottytraining and imagine having that many mutant huma/spider hybrid teenagers?

oh i can't wait for those threads.

Maybe the spider you, urm, "encountered" was a baby. Maybe mummy is still inside nurturing the other babies. Sorry, very unhelpful but just had to be said .

Funnel spider

Atyourcervix

Point 1) You can deliver them all

Point 2) Don't you get spiders in barns?

Point 3) Clenches

or maybe it was a baby and you squashed it like a panda.

but never mind because over the course of tonight you will birth another 30.999 of them

There is a piglet in tears about to go to the slaughter thanks to your fanjo.

'No-one was with her, when she died'.

AAAAAAAARRRRGGHHH!!

I do not have the spider Waltons living up my chuff!!!!!

g'night ma

g'night john boy

ok, just sent dh upstairs to check each roll of loo roll in the bathroom, i shall be checking my knicker draw later....

So to clarify, do you think, possibly, that you have been harbouring said fugitive spider throughout the day today....you have been having conversations with folk, and doing stuff with a family of spiders clinging to your undercarriage?

oh god Honey that is my worst nightmare.

<a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?q=spider+pants&hl=en&sa=X&biw=1280&bih=685&tbm=isch&prmd=imvns&tbnid=I0h94kgkj5qYFM:&imgrefurl=www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com/2011/5/3/2151715/the-best-offseason-post-ever-lets-watch-kansas-state-put-in-astroturf&docid=S5lngvNqC-LVkM&imgurl=folk.uio.no/aasmunds/fjas/spider_spider_pants_on_fire.jpg&w=600&h=441&ei=ZMzGToLiKomq8QPQp5ySAQ&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=191&vpy=203&dur=1555&hovh=137&hovw=188&tx=152&ty=132&sig=101626570008370845172&page=1&tbnh=137&tbnw=188&start=0&ndsp=20&ved=1t:429,r:0,s:0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">This is the image I have in my head

I never should have looked at this thread. Not only am I so tightly clenched now that I'm unlikely to ever have sex again but I'm also embarassed over the number of times I've used 'literally' inappropriately.

Good job I bought the Christmas cake brandy tonight.

gigglepin

I have an entire sick family whom I have been running around after it has been a long time between wees, it was there a while

Arrgh why did I open that link

Oh I so needed this laugh, thanks girls.

And...

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

Are you sure you put the <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?q=spider+pants&hl=en&sa=X&biw=1280&bih=685&tbm=isch&prmd=imvns&tbnid=p25SBluf3cpyPM:&imgrefurl=insidiousclothing.com/lolspiders/tag/spider-pants/&docid=MMmdlsWVe78SdM&imgurl=insidiousclothing.com/lolspiders/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/wherermypants-oghr.jpg&w=490&h=368&ei=ZMzGToLiKomq8QPQp5ySAQ&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=712&vpy=194&dur=2377&hovh=194&hovw=259&tx=174&ty=88&sig=101626570008370845172&page=1&tbnh=137&tbnw=187&start=0&ndsp=20&ved=1t:429,r:3,s:0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">right pants on this morning?

LOLSpiders? LOLSpiders? Who in the hell thought up LOLSpiders? There's nothing LOL about spiders.

IKKSpiders, yes. AAAAAAAHHHSpiders, yes. OhMyGodSomebodyKillItNow with their foof Spiders yes. LOLSpiders, big fat NO.

Good old Mumsnet eh...

one womans torment is anothers comedy gold

My phone takes ages to load threads, so here I was composing snotty replies in my head re correct use of literally...

...now am cowering under the covers clenching....serves me right!

I am literally horrified by this event.

And surely this is quote of the week, from Honeydragon:

"I don't mind spiders....till they choose to die in my chuff"

Oh this thread has had me crying with laughter (literally)