Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!!!!!!! I have LITERALLY twatted a spider to death

[Honeydragon]

I have just been to the loo, had a wee and saw something rather large and dark on the loo paper. Looked and it was a spider, a squished, slightly warm very dead spider.

I have suffocated a spider with my fanjo. Worse I have had a spider residing in my pants and not known.

I couldn't even scream as the entire family are asleep in various parts of the house with the vomity fluy thing.

'I don't mind spiders....till they choose to die in my chuff'

That has to be the quote of the week. No, hang on - the year.

'I'm not a pedant! I'm just ped-curious.'

Oh, this thread gets better.

Haha no, apart from observing traffic I didn't look in the mirror, I'm not spider blow self dogging you know. It was like something out of 'gladiators' as it was swinging in front of. My face with the motion of the car and going up and down on the silk as I tried to avoid it. People watching me must have thought I was dancing to disco that I didn't like.

I am wondering what place the vajazzle might have in all of this? Would it anchor the spider? Would it attract it in with the thoughts of glamour?

DS is watching some crap program on tv and they're singing a song with the words 'Get up and dance, like you have ants in your pants...'
Just set me off giggling, thought I'd come and check on the spider situation

Have you not had a baby yet?

Brambles - if you had rhinestoney vajazzling, the spider might thing it was another spider's eyes and try to mate...

Thumb makes an excellent point. It could also attract magpies

Or, take the story of the Old Woman who Swallowed a Fly as a cautionary tale. What if your spider was catching the fly? Next you'll have a rummage and find a cat, a dog, a cow, a horse and all sorts up there.

Oi Sue who are you calling old?

Yes, cos that's the big issue. Not the fecking farmyard up your chuff .

oh shit there's a cow at the front door?

Oh about that now a cow.

Should I let it in the house?

You really don't want to be swallowing flies. Don't go onto youtube and search Botfly Removal. Especially don't search Mangofly Removal Dog. Just don't.

No I bloody haven't! Now make me laugh some more!

And if you do, just let it be a warning to to you if you are ever thinking of ingesting or twatting any form of arachnid or exotic insect.

Hooray - this is in Classics - and I am going to take credit for that (sorry Honey because I reported the OP to MNHQ and begged for it to go in Classics.

Am now off to youtube to look at botflies and mangoflies!

So I have you to blame ?

Honeydragon do you know what kind of spider it was ?

Just curious ,purely for educational purposes you understand ? .

I need to know what type of spider it was , so to avoid that particular spider in future .

I still think spanx are the best way to avoid vaginaspideritis .

Honey dragon, I understand that the customs men need to come over and take a look to ensure that it wasn't one of those dangerous ones that come in on banana boats. They may need to perform a pat down, if you see what I mean.

Ha! I will have to show this thread to my mum who always scoffed at me when I said I was worried about spiders crawling 'up there' while I was asleep.

This is like the time I put my pajama bottoms on as a child and a hornet was in them!

Stung me and flew off, bugger had made a nest in them when they were on the washing line.

I'm sorry, Honeydragon.

Better hope that Mummy doesn't come looking for her poor squashed baby...

STDG

Don't give me your face it makes me feel guilty for ing you and then I might unclench!

Besides this is a good thing...if people remember me for my spider foof they might forget the whole immacing the babies head incident

NinthWave - OMFG! That photo is the stuff of nightmares

Why did I click.. why?