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Sex noises ruining my afternoon tea

(214 Posts)
OhMyDarling Fri 08-May-20 15:40:08

Firstly, I am no prude.

Daughters and I enjoying a homemade cream tea and enjoying the garden I spent yesterday attacking into submission.

Cue next door neighbours sexmarathon.
Oh. My. God.

I am not even joking, she sounds like a horse and the sound is echoing down the street.

Just as we think it’s all over, they start up again.
We are now indoors with music playing to drown out the sound. Other neighbour is also playing music.

So much for enjoying the day, the sunshine and the birdsong.

Can I report them?! (Only half joking)

OP’s posts: |
Figgygal Fri 08-May-20 15:41:12

How can she not know how loud she is grin

Bluewavescrashing Fri 08-May-20 15:41:51


ElizaCrouch Fri 08-May-20 15:42:25

You should start clapping when she's finished.

Rosehip10 Fri 08-May-20 15:42:26

Do you live in a middle class area?

Thehop Fri 08-May-20 15:42:40

Go knock and ask when they’re due a shower/food break so you can go outside?! 😂

OhMyDarling Fri 08-May-20 15:42:53

@Figgygal she doesn’t care.
Or she gets off on it maybe.

OP’s posts: |
Herpesfreesince03 Fri 08-May-20 15:42:59

Give them a round of applause when they finish

TerrifiedandWorried Fri 08-May-20 15:43:15

I realised today that I make sex noises when I garden. Kind of female tennis playing grunting.

Neron Fri 08-May-20 15:43:15

I would have shouted out that no one needs to hear them shagging.

Either that or start making horse noises to put them off

flummoxedlummox Fri 08-May-20 15:43:23

she sounds like a horse

Well she is a neighbour. grin

OhMyDarling Fri 08-May-20 15:44:00

@Rosehip10 not really. It’s nice to live here but it’s not hugely affluent.

OP’s posts: |
buzzswole Fri 08-May-20 15:44:01

I'm struggling to think what horse noises sound like but I can imagine it's very sexy

DustyMaiden Fri 08-May-20 15:45:05

Shout up to the window “are you okay? You sound like you’re in pain”

DuckingHeckers Fri 08-May-20 15:45:23

I'd honestly shout 'Can youu shut up please, I've kids out here! '

buzzswole Fri 08-May-20 15:46:10

Maybe she has two halves of coconut shell that she's clip clopping together

Ginfordinner Fri 08-May-20 15:46:39

Performance sex is irritating. How much energy does she expend letting her neighbours know what she is up to.

If I was feeling very naughty I would be tempted to ring the doorbell several times and run away grin

OhMyDarling Fri 08-May-20 15:47:27

@buzzswole no it’s definitely more a neighing. Maybe more a mooo at some points.

OP’s posts: |
ShitUsername Fri 08-May-20 15:47:38

Well she is a neighbour


TerrifiedandWorried Fri 08-May-20 15:48:45

Just tell them. They won't know you can hear if you don't say.

Herecomestreble1 Fri 08-May-20 15:49:29

We used to have neighbours who would literally scream. We just used to shout at them and tell them to shut up eventually. It's like being forced into a foursome through the wall. I don't want to be a voyeur, please don't make me.

B0bbin Fri 08-May-20 15:49:42

How funnygrin. Your afternoon tea idea sounds brill and has made me jealous cake

trailfindersunite Fri 08-May-20 15:50:03

If it makes you feel any better, I think very vocal sex noises often mean the sex isn't actually very good and the vocal woman is trying to boost her partner's ego.

OhMyDarling Fri 08-May-20 15:50:35

@TerrifiedandWorried they know.

OP’s posts: |
Windyatthebeach Fri 08-May-20 15:51:24

Is her name Winnie??

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